As we go thru life, we all encounter many “last days”.  They are mileposts in our life.  Sometimes they are happy “last days” like the last days of high school.  Sometimes they are sad, like the last days of a loved ones life.  Sometimes they make us rethink our path.  Sometimes they are about the end of that path.

Today could be one of your last days.  Life comes with no guarantee that there will be a tomorrow, but what if, like so many times before, there is a tomorrow.  How do you want to live it?  What is important to you? What do you want to accomplish?  And when that last last day finally arrives, what do you want to be remembered for?  

Most importantly, if today was your last last day, are you the person you wanted to be?  Would others agree that you are that person?

And if you are not that person today, if given a tomorrow, what changes can you make to make yourself and others see you the way you want to be seen.  Remembered the way you want to be remembered?

If you are truly in a “last days” place, one of the things that happens almost automatically is reflection.  Some refer to this as your life flashing before your eyes.  For me, it really was not that effect but more of life happening in super slow motion. It isn’t so much your life flashing before your eyes as life slowing into a quiet private reflection, in a time of chaos or super high stress.

In that moment of pure panic and total uncertainty where does the mind go?

There are three things.

Did I live?

Did I love?

Did I matter?

So let’s take these one at a time.  When I think “did I live”, it is not the overly simplistic answer of “Why of course you did”  It is more of a question of degree. Not ”Did I live?”, but “Did I LIVE”. 

One of my favorite composers put it this way.  

It’s not how many years you live,

But how you fulfill the time you spend here. 

Did I just do enough to get by, or did I live each day with a purpose?  

Did I live each day to its absolute fullest?

This is not to say that every moment of every day must be 100% full speed toward doing as much as you can.  That would be too exhausting.  What living life to it’s fullest means to me is to have goals, drive toward them, but with the understanding that quiet time and rest is part of the process.  

Part of living your life to it’s fullest is to know yourself well enough that you know how to incorporate and recognize that rest and quiet time is a vital part of your life.

Planning and pacing your life, especially as you get older is everything.  Knowing when to step on the gas, and knowing when to apply the brakes. 

That said, now is the time to do, the time to go, the time to see.  Within your own limitations do not put off those bucket list items.  Over the past few years I have seen friends and loved ones wait too long to begin their tomorrow and now they can’t.  I do not want that to be me.  There are so many things I want to do still.  I want to live.

The second question: Did I love?

Again not the obvious answer.  Certainly I love my wife and son, but there is more.  There has to be more.  

The question really is “Did I love my life?”

This brings in everything.  My home life, my job, my activities, just everything.  

I think that I have recently reached a peace with my life.  I have sort of made a pact with myself.  If I do not love doing it, I don’t do it.  

Now this does not mean I live in nirvana and every moment is joy, bliss and love.  It means that overall, on most days, at most things, the good outweighs the bad.  Everyone has bad days, and I do too.  It is all about balance and realizing that to get every good thing, you have to put up with some bad.  To get to spend a month in Europe, you have to take a long uncomfortable flight.  To get to play on that stage and hear the people applaud makes the dreary rehearsals worthwhile.  To get up way too early way too often allows me to have a job that overall, I really do love.

“Did I love” can also mean “did I love myself”.  Did I treat myself with compassion and kindness.  Did I love myself enough that I did things primarily for myself.  Did I make those tough decisions in favor my authentic self, or did those decisions benefit others and harm me.  At the end of the day, we all go home with ourselves.  Do you love, and did you make decisions and actions that showed love, for that person in the mirror today?

And finally, “Did I matter?”

Well I have not composed symphonies or contributed much toward world peace, but I like to think at least, I’ve touched a few hearts.  

No huge accomplishments, but many little things do add up.  

Between family, my recording business, my work , and quite frankly, this group, I feel that when that day comes, I will leave this world a little bit better and a little bit happier than it was.  In short, I mattered.

In reality, all the last day is, is about turning the page and starting another chapter in your life.  And that is a choice every one of us can make each and every day.

It is about making a change.  It is about examining your life.  It is about asking yourself:  Am I living, am I loving, and do I matter. 

When you ask these questions, be brutally honest with yourself.  Could I live more fully, could I love my life and those in it more than now, and am I making the kind of difference to myself, my friends and family, and my community that really matters?  

Is this what I want out of life?

Can I be more?

If your answers fall short of your own expectations what changes are you going to make to better achieve those expectations?

About now I bet many of you are saying to yourself,

“I wish I could make changes, but I can’t change the number one thing that is causing my life to not be what I want it to be, my mental health.”  

And you are both right and wrong.  Yes, mental health conditions are what they are, but there are changes you can make to help you deal with them.  There is a whole bunch of things you can change that will help you to cope with your condition.  

You know, the things you do or do not do every day that help you deal with your life.  The things other people do not have to do.  All the stuff that you have surrounded your condition with to make it through the day.  

You can change these things and you can make the choice to make it happen.  Make the choice to help yourself to live more fully, to love your life, and to matter.

Staying on your medication, finding the right medication for you, talking about your issues, finding and keeping the right therapist.  Learning about yourself, what triggers you, and your condition.  Little life hacks that help.  What to avoid and what or who to embrace in times of trouble.  After all, isn’t that why you are here tonight?  Are you not making a choice right now by being here that you want a better life and hope that tonight, this group, in just a small way can help you achieve that?

These are changes you can make that can help change your life in a positive direction.  And for the most part, these are choices you can make now. 

Let today be a “last day” of your accepting and expecting less of yourself.  Change is a wonderful thing and it should not wait for an auto accident or a heart surgery.  In fact, it should not wait one more moment for anything.  

Make today be the “last day” of the old you.

Make those changes that allow you to live fully, love what you do and who you are, and give yourself a sense of purpose, a sense that you matter by spending your time doing things that matter.

Do it now.  Before that unpredictable last last day arrives for you.

We all have a finite amount of time on this planet.  We never know exactly how much.  Make each day matter.  Live each day so that if it does happen to be your last day, you will have left nothing to regret.  Live a life that matters.