DBSA Omaha New Hope

This last Thursday, Miriam shared with us her presentation on “ Grading our Lives”

Miriam began by asking us if we have ever graded our lives.  I guess I have never thought about it before.  She shared that she has been receiving a newsletter from author Mark Manson, who is known for his books on self help and personal growth.  In high school, Miriam shared she received mostly A’s in all of her classes, as that is what was expected of her.

But when we are struggling with anxiety in our lives, we might feel like we’re failing a test we didn’t even take.

But what is in between perfection and failure?  Maybe our failures are self invented.  We may conjure up these ideas of perfection, and then fail them.

We may exaggerate sometimes, but it’s good to remember that we are not a failure. 

So maybe we need to choose our own criticism.  After all, what are you afraid you are going to be criticized for? 

Our minds can be loud and chaotic sometimes, when we are dealing with our mental health challenges. 

Maybe our expectations are too rigid?   Let’s say that when you are driving, you take a wrong turn.  Does that mean you’re never going to drive again?

Maybe we need to be a little more flexible?  It’s been shown that flexible routines tend to out perform more rigid ones.

Why be more strict on ourselves when something doesn’t go our way.

What is the hardest thing right now, that you’re convinced you can’t handle?

Remember life doesn’t come with an inherent playbook. 

We have to work on creating our own meaning, as we do make our own purpose in life.

Remember no one is keeping score on you and what you do.

If you’re sitting around waiting for life to show up, don’t wait.

Just do what you want to do!  

On Thursday September 10, I shared my presentation on “ Things you can do When you Feel Yourself Slipping “

     So, have you ever had a time in your life when all of a sudden you are not feeling at your peak mentally? I think we have all been there before. 

 When we are feeling more than a little depressed or anxious, that could be a sign we are slipping into a depression. Besides seeking help from our doctor, which of course is important, there are many coping ideas we can use to manage our symptoms. 

     Our coping skills may keep us from having a relapse. When we feel like we might be slipping back into a depression, we need to reach out to a family member or friend just to let them know how we are feeling. Depression will sometimes make us want to reduce our social life, which can make the symptoms of depression worse. So, if you have a friend or family member you can confide in, that will make a big difference. Always important is continuing the practice of self-care. There are many different things we can do to take care of ourselves that will help us improve our mental health, especially when we might feel a relapse coming. 

Get regular exercise…..walking outside, stretching, running, doing yoga, or working out at the gym are all great examples. My go to self care when I am having a tough time is to go for a walk. Walking helps me clear my mind of all of the negative thoughts. And often times when I am on my walk I will receive a friendly hello here and there from others along the way. Sometimes just the small act of exchanging pleasantries with someone might be exactly what you need to start your day out right. 

Stick to a regular sleep schedule….try to go to bed and wake up at the same time each day. 

Try using a light therapy lamp….UV light lamps help to mimic sunlight, and are helpful especially if you have seasonal depression, or live somewhere where there’s not much light in the Winter.

 Take a vitamin D supplement…similar to the UV lamp, vitamin D can help to alleviate depression related to lack of sunlight. 

Maintaining a routine…..Make sure you are taking care of basic hygiene so you feel like you are in a routine, such as showering ( yes even if you are working from home) getting dressed every day, and brushing your teeth.

Track your Mood …..

When we have dealt with depression in the past, we should try to become aware of our moods and how they may change each day. One way to do this is by using a mood tracker. 

Sometimes mood trackers will allow us to rate our mood from 1 to 10, or add details on what is happening that day. 

So, I have actually tried this for the few couple of weeks, and it was very fascinating to me. I made it simple and kept a tally in a notebook. Next to the date/day of the week I wrote down a number from 1-10 that best described my mood for the day. I usually waited to give myself a score until later in the day. My average number each day was an 8.  Not bad, huh? 

Gratitude… Another way to keep away depression and anxiety, is to start being more grateful. When you are grateful and feeling good with how things currently are, your physical health may reflect that. You’re more likely to exercise and eat better, taking care of your health.

The best way to make gratitude a habit is by not waiting for special moments.

Be thankful for the warm cup of coffee or tea you are enjoying. 

 Be grateful and appreciate the roof you have over your head, and for the food on your plate. 

 Be appreciative of the customer in line at the grocery store who let you go ahead of them. 

Take a moment to be grateful when a best friend or your Mother texted you to see how you’re feeling. 

 Do gratitude exercises … Take a walk and be thankful for each thing you see: trees, flowers, the sky, the birds. 

Call someone who did something kind and tell them how much you appreciate them. Write a letter to someone to express appreciation for something they did for you. 

I find that when I am grateful to others and actually take the time to say thank you to someone, it makes me feel better and often times it will cause me to forget what I may have been so anxious about.

On Thursday August 13, Kristina shared with us her presentation on “ Courage”

First of all, what a great choice for a topic!   Kristina shared that she had been struggling a bit lately, and one of the things that keeps her going is her courage.

She shared that there are actually six different types of courage.  I was surprised to find out there were that many types!  

Below are the different types:

1).  Physical courage…to keep going with resiliency, balance and awareness.

2)  Social courage…to be yourself unapologetically, without worrying about what others think.

3).   Moral courage…doing the right thing even when it’s uncomfortable or unpopular.

4). Emotional courage…feeling all your emotions ( positive or negative) without guilt or attachment.

5).  Intellectual courage…To learn, unlearn and relearn with an open and flexible mind.

6). Spiritual courage…Living with purpose and meaning through a heart centered approach towards all life and oneself. 

This last Thursday, our friend Carolyn shared with us her latest presentation entitled “ In One Ear and Out the Other”

Carolyn started by sharing her rendition while playing the guitar of “ You Raise me Up”

She spoke about how it takes courage to present in front of our group.  But, we are all trying to better ourselves by attending DBSA.  That is why we show up! 

When making decisions in your life, try not to let your ego take over.

It can take courage to go solo in life. Sometimes when you are changing course, it may cost you a job or position.  Sometimes you may need to re-think before you make a change, or possibly try a different strategy.

And you can always try taking the road less traveled.  I like this idea! 

And maybe ask yourself where do you want to go in life?

When we meet new people, sometimes we may judge them without having all of the facts.  How about we give the new kid on the block a warm welcome?

So maybe stop and think, what is your driving force in life?  What keeps you going?  What do you spend your time thinking about?  Do you have an idea that keeps you excited?

Carolyn shared with us a question that made all of us stop and think.

Growing up, did your parents want you to be a good person, or just be happy?

I have thought about this, and for me if I had to choose one, it would for me to be a good person.  However I bet if I were to ask my Mom, she would agree that both are equally important! 

Love that question Carolyn!  

This last Thursday, Don shared with us his presentation on “ The Fine Art of Quitting Without Giving Up”

Every once in a while, we all may run across a time in our lives when we need to quit something to make a change.  

But we don’t always know which path is better.   Once you start a new journey, such as taking a new med for example.  You make question yourself if the new med is right or wrong for you?  Or is there a bear in your path preventing you from moving on?  

It’s usually about what works for us and what doesn’t.  And we don’t know what we don’t know until we had down a new path.  

If you’re working in a job where you have been for many years, if you’re not feeling fulfilled from day to day you may feel like quitting that job.

But everyone keeps on telling you don’t quit, just keep pushing through.

But remember great things rarely happen without a struggle. 

However if your commitment is attached to the right mission, it will give you some momentum.

We may seek healing, but sometimes we refuse to release our obsession with familiar things.

You might become efficient at something, but that job may actually drain you.

You may grow tired of doing the same thing every day.

But progress isn’t always about adding more effort. 

A little addition by subtraction may help when you’re considering a career change. 

Sometimes you may need to remove what no longer fits.  And add something that is more aligned with your goals.  What matters is not your failures, but what that journey taught you. 

The pain that you may have felt was necessary.  Remember your time and energy are valuable!  You can quit part of your plan but don’t quit the journey.

Keep believing in yourself even if progress is slow.

Below are three signs that it may be time to let go of your current job. 

Watch for these signals, especially after you’ve genuinely tried to improve the situation.

1. Chronic Drain

Every meaningful pursuit takes effort. Everybody experiences difficult seasons.

But there’s a difference between something challenging you and something continually depleting you.

You’ve adjusted your approach. Set boundaries. Asked for help. Made changes.

And still, it leaves you drained before it begins, drained while you’re doing it, and drained long after it’s over. 

2. Pride Erosion

Ask yourself: 
Do I respect the person I’m becoming?

Does this thing add to the authentic self I am building?

Not whether other people approve.

Not whether it looks successful from the outside.

Do you feel proud of what you are doing?  

You, not your friends, not the people on facebook, all that matters is what is inside you.

Sometimes we stay committed to things because they’re working, even after they’ve stopped feeling meaningful. This is sort of like treading water.  You are just trying to keep your head above the surface until you can find the next thing to swim toward.

Success without fulfillment can become its own trap. 

3. You’ve Outgrown the Season

Something can be exactly right for one chapter of your life and completely wrong for the next.

The goals you had five years ago, or even five weeks ago, aren’t necessarily the goals you have today.  You must keep checking in with yourself and making course corrections.

The identity that got you here isn’t always the identity that will get you where you’re going.

Growth requires us to release what we’ve outgrown.

We don’t quit a job when it’s difficult, but maybe when it doesn’t fit the person we are becoming.  But remember to leave your job with integrity.  Know what you’re saying yes to before making that commitment to the new job.

Move from having to endure everything to choosing what matters.

Do not be afraid of throwing away what no longer fits.  Quit what no longer matters. 

This last Thursday, I shared with our group some helpful hints on keeping up on our self-care.  

After my recent vacation with our my small group, I realized more than ever how much we all need structure and routine in our daily lives.

And of the importance of self-care in our daily routine.

Even though I was traveling with a small group of nine, we all know how it can be to deal with that many different personalities.  

When planning our cruise, we had pre-planned many tours/ shore excursions each day. However due to the recent heatwave, a few of us ended up canceling some of our tours and spending more time on the ship.

At night I joined everyone for dinner, which usually included my Cousin and his wife who were also on the cruise.  Well I discovered on my cruise that my cousin drinks a lot. 

My cousin knew well before the cruise that I didn’t drink any longer, due to the medication I take for my mental health. We all know that alcohol and psych meds don’t mix, right? Well, during our dinners together, he was constantly pushing me to drink, while at the same time challenging my boundaries.

Well it did get me to thinking about our boundaries, and how so very important they are to our mental health. There were some important things I learned while traveling;

1) Be very flexible. Even though you may plan your trip months in advance, as we did. Plans can definitely change at the very last minute. And they do. Others on your trip may get sick, or maybe even get into disagreements while traveling. Or the weather may become a factor as it did for us. 

 2) Boundaries, boundaries, boundaries!!!  I can’t stress enough how important boundaries are for us each and every day. If there’s something that you really don’t want to do, just say so. Make sure and communicate that with your other traveling companions. But also make sure and engage with others in your group, and try not to isolate too much. Remember that you are on vacation! 

 3). Routine…..Try and maintain some sort of routine on your vacation. Structure and lack thereof can become an issue on your vacation if you let it. Do try new things while vacationing, even if it means pushing yourself out of your comfort zone. The dilemma we sometimes face is that there are definitely times when we want to regroup and be by ourselves for a little while. That is fine, but try and do so in moderation. It’s a pretty tough balancing act isn’t it? 

 4) When you’re on vacation, it’s always fun to try new foods. But try and do so without overdoing it. If you’re anything like me, sometimes all of the rich foods really start to catch up with you! 

And some other self-care tips that are always important:

Try and get regular exercise. 

Get plenty of sleep ( this one is probably the most important) 

Drink plenty of water each day.

Use your coping skills to deal with stress.

On Thursday July 23rd, our friend Corey shared with us his presentation on “ Hope”

Corey spoke to us about hope in our lives and on how it should be an important part of our recovery.

Corey shared that back in 2016 he started experiencing lots of anxiety and depression.  He stated that hope is super important, but he continues to have a love/hate relationship with it. 

He also shared that there can be two different types of hope.  There is passive hope, where you are looking at things more passively.  Such as wishful thinking, or having a positive outlook. 

There is also active hope, which is where we become more active and participate more in bringing about what we’re hoping for.  Hope can be something you work towards achieving.  Active Hope can be something we do rather than have.   Such as maybe gardening or exercising.

Corey went around the room asking for volunteers to share what it is they were hoping for.  I shared that I was hoping to retire from my job of many years.  And after a few of us shared what our hopes were, he went around the room a second time and asked those same people to share what steps they had taken to achieve their goal.  I shared that the very same day of this meeting, I had finally given my retirement notice at work.  There had been a lot of planning for me up until that point, but nonetheless I gave my notice that day.

Corey closed his presentation by sharing that both resilience and Hope are very important in your mental health recovery. 

This past Thursday, Don shared with us his presentation on “ Mental Health Myths”

So, what is a definition of mental illness?  Mental illness can be a group of conditions.  Some of those symptoms may include;

1). Inability to concentrate.

2) Constant fatigue.

3) Trouble sleeping.

4) Sadness for no apparent reason.

Any of these symptoms can become serious when they interfere with your daily routine.

Myth #1) Mental health problems don’t affect me.

This of course is not true.  One in five people will develop a mental health problem.   Anyone can develop a mental health disorder.  We all need to try and take active steps to maintain our physical and mental health.  

Myth#2).  Suicide is only attempted by losers.  This is not true.

Suicide is the second leading cause of death for ages 10-24.

Remember mental illness can affect anyone, so if someone you know is experiencing mental health challenges, be sure and listen without passing judgment.

Myth#3 ).  Children don’t experience mental health issues.  

This is not true.  Depression can affect anyone, regardless of age.

Myth#4).  People with mental health issues can be violent or unpredictable.  

Not the case.   Anyone can be violent or unpredictable.

Myth#5).  Keeping a job is too stressful for someone with a mental health issue.

Not true.  Having a job actually provides structure and routine for someone experiencing mental health challenges.

Myth#6).  Personality weakness is a sign of mental health weakness.  Not tru at all.  Having mental health challenges is not a sign of weakness or of being lazy.

Myth#7 ).  Everyone with mental illness needs meds to manage symptoms.

Not everyone.  However Meds can help maintain mental health symptoms for some.

Some of the other mental health myths are;

Nothing can be done to help prevent mental health challenges.  

Not true.  Strong relationships with family and friends can help support you.

PTSD is only a military person’s disease.  Definitely not true.  Anyone can be diagnosed with PTSD.

Just remember that absolutely anyone can be diagnosed with a mental health illness at any time.  And no two people are the same.  If you know of someone with mental health challenges,  just remember to try and show them a little compassion and be there to support them when they need it the most. 

This past Thursday, Miriam shared with us her on behavioral activation.

If we are having challenges with keeping motivated to get something done, maybe we may need to look at it differently. 

It turns out we may need to look at things from the outside in rather than from the inside out.

If we are experiencing low energy and are isolating, we may really be missing out on life.  And this might make us feel sad which can then lead to depression. 

So sit back and take a look at what it is that you are trying to get motivated to accomplish. 

So, think about what happens when our mental health drops.  

What happens to you?   Maybe you quit showering, brushing your teeth, or maybe not eating as well as you should.

How about if you just do one tiny thing to get you motivated? 

If you are having trouble with showering, maybe try just doing a little sponge bath?  Just set your one tiny thing you want to do, and remember to aim low.

And then schedule that one tiny thing and do it!

  So, maybe try and think of five things you are good at.  Even fun things can sometimes be difficult to start.  But ultimately we are trying to break the cycle of avoidance. 

Miriam did talk about the importance of making lists.  I am a big fan of lists, and I do usually have a daily to do list.

The important thing to remember about lists is that you don’t have to complete every single thing on your list for that day.  But as you do complete a task on your list, just remember to cross it off.  You will definitely feel a sense of accomplishment by doing so.

When setting your goal to complete that one tiny thing, just remember to not set the bar too high. 

But when you are making progress, try not to disqualify your success.

And remember true behavioral activation leaves you with comfort.

Forget the mastery and schedule small fun activities.

And one day you may have a mastery at something that not only makes you feel competent, but also makes you feel good about yourself. 

On Thursday June 18, Don shared with us his presentation entitled “ I Believe “

Don began by sharing that we all have our own beliefs.  The truths that Don believes may not be your own beliefs, but these beliefs are true according to Don.  We all have our own sets  of values and beliefs.  And we are the sum of our own beliefs. 

Knowing and living your own beliefs may be difficult, but it is your only way to your true self. And an alignment of your own beliefs will help you get through many of life’s storms. 

Don also had us participate in an exercise about finding your authentic self. He handed out a sheet with a title of “ Fast Values Exercise “ at the top. 

There were approximately 93 choices on this list, and our job was to choose and circle all of the words that most appropriately described us. 

Next we selected 5 or 6 values that you exhibit in everyday life and 5 or 6 that you would like to be a bigger part of your life.

My chosen top five words this year were Family, humour, Spirituality, learning and travel. 

Next came 9 questions to answer.

While probably incomplete, it is a starting point of defining who you are.  And once you know your values, live it.  Be that person.  Quit denying who you really are and embrace all of you.  We are all some percent boring normal, but it is the rest of the story that makes us individuals.

All of this is you, and put together, is your authentic self. Don then explained how his values had put him in conflict with his last couple of jobs, eventually causing an internal rift that was bad enough that he needed to move on to be true to his authentic self, and how his values had steered him into his current job.

He also gave us a list of eight areas of our life, and our job was to give each one a rating anywhere between the numbers 1-10.  The number 10 being the one you feel that you are excelling in at this time of your life, and the number 1 being the one that needs the most work and at the bottom of the score rankings. It’s a great exercise and can tell us a lot about ourselves. We also gave ourselves a letter grade on how well we were doing aligning each area of our life with our authentic self.

The areas were:

Emotions

Fun/Relaxation

Finances

Intelect ( not how smart you are, but what are you learning today/this week/month)

Career

Physical Health

Social Connections

Spiritual Beliefs