This past Thursday, our beloved leader Miriam shared with us her presentation entitled ‘Boundaries”

She shared that setting boundaries are part of healthy relationships. So, why do we set boundaries? Setting boundaries can be an important part of our self-care, and are needed in many different areas of our life. Boundaries are part of putting your own well-being first. Setting a boundary with others can help the other person to have the best relationship possible with you. 

Setting boundaries are hard, and not easy to do. Sometimes we’re afraid to tell people what we really want. We may conceal our true feelings because we’re scared of people’s reactions. The more you ground yourself with your boundaries and values, you’ll be more clear with your communication with others. 

Types of boundaries:

a) Physical boundaries-for example hugging someone. If you’re a person who does not like to be hugged, you may have to set a ” no hugging” boundary with others.

B) Intellectual boundaries-respect other thoughts and ideas, deciding what’s okay to discuss, and learn to avoid dismissing others thoughts when they are not the same as yours.

C) Emotional-How you share your feelings and/or emotional energy with others.

D) Sexual boundaries-consent,privacy,agreements and preferences

E) Material- possessions and how you want them treated.

F) Time boundaries-saying no, or maybe only for an hour.

Do you keep adjusting your boundaries to fit each relationship? If so, you may want to reassess what boundaries may mean to you. Remember, boundaries are about your relationship with yourself and your values. If you have trouble setting and sticking to healthy boundaries, the following tips may help you:

!) Lack of boundaries stems from your self-esteem. What’s the point of saying we want to grow and get better, if we’re not going to be honest about where we are now.

2) Decide what your core values are …Who are you? What do you value? 

Once you get clear on what matters most to you, you can take the bigger step of communicating it with others. Instead of creating your boundaries around a difficult relationship, make your boundaries about you.

3) You can’t change others, so change yourself. Sometimes we will get into arguments with others, hoping and wishing or maybe even demanding they would stop being difficult. Just remember that we cannot change others. We are not responsible for what they say and do.

Since you can’t change them, just change how you deal with them.

4) Decide on consequences ahead of time…so, what can we do when someone pushes our boundaries? Decide what the consequences are. The best way to figure this out is by sitting quietly and to write down what those boundaries may be. Remember when doing this that boundaries are all about honoring your needs. And not about judging the action of others,

5) Let your behavior, and not your words speak for you. 

Present your boundaries clearly, and let your behavior do the talking. People will always test and disrespect your limits. You will know you’re getting healthier when this doesn’t get an emotional reaction from you.

6) This is the most important part. Remember to say what you mean, and mean what you say. A sure way to get someone to question your authenticity, is to say one thing and do another. Make sure and clearly communicate your boundaries with others.

I really appreciated Miriam’s talk tonight on boundaries, It made me realize how far I have come in creating my own boundaries. Like most things in life, my own boundaries are still a work in progress.