This past Thursday, I shared my most recent presentation “ Friends, Family and your Mental Health “

I know it’s really important to me that the people in my life, my family and friends, understand my mental health challenges, or hopefully they at least are willing to try. And I am sure a lot of you may feel the same way. And if you have friends or family that are possibly blaming you for your illness or making thoughtless comments towards you, that can be very uncomfortable and maybe even triggering for you. When we find out that the people in our lives who should be our greatest supporters aren’t really there for us, there are some things we can do to find the support .

     First you have to accept that there may be a reason behind someone’s feelings that has nothing to do with you. Your friend or family member may 

Not be able to support you, as they may be experiencing their own mental health challenges.  I myself have noticed a little bit of anxiety going on with some of my own friends and family members! 

     Maybe one of the best ways we can find the support we need is to start with ourselves. We really need to become our own cheerleader. It’s important that we learn to become our own greatest supporter. We should practice being kind to ourselves, and keep our own self-talk more positive. We need to remember to try and treat ourselves with more kindness and gentleness. Pay close attention to that inner voice and what it’s saying about you. Remember to talk with yourself in a positive tone. For example if our self-talk tends to be negative, we might be creating more stress and anxiety for ourselves, which may only worsen our symptoms. Try and keep your self talk more positive. Remember negativity only feeds our depression and anxiety.

Look for Other Sources of Support…..

     If we start to realize that friends and family aren’t giving us the support you need, we have to consider looking for others who are able to support us. Consider joining a support group, such as DBSA or NAMI. 

     I remember almost six years ago when I first started coming to DBSA, I wasn’t sure what to expect on my first visit.  And gratefully, DBSA is probably my biggest source of support to this day. 

Things to Remember When Dealing with Unsupportive People 

1)  Not everyone is going to like you, which really has nothing to do with you or your like-ability. 

 2. Our job is NOT to please everyone or to be understood by everyone. 

3) We have to live our life for ourselves , and not for other people. 

4) The one thing I’ve noticed is that the unsupportive people who don’t “really get me“ are often some of my own family and friends. Some people ( and maybe even our own family members) may just not be able to be supportive of you in the path we are walking. We may need to take some time to help them understand us more. Try and be authentic, and share with them what you’re about and what’s important to you. After sharing with them, try and let go of that need for them to understand. If your friends and family still can’t support you, this is where our valued support groups play an important role, and it also shows why our support groups are so important. Sometimes we have to go outside the ones we most love in order to find the love we need right now! 

5) Never ask of someone more than they can give , most of the time others will have a perspective of life that may be very different than our own. This can be because of how they were raised, and may affect how they advise and support you and others. You may need something that is beyond their ability to give you. Try and acknowledge this and focus on your own path forward. 

6) Always focus on What you CAN Control…..In dealing with the challenges that come from dealing with difficult people, always focus on what you CAN control, not what you can’t control. If you’re focusing on what someone else should be doing ( such as supporting you ) that can be something you can’t control, and a waste of your energy. Your time and energy are precious and we should be focusing more on what we can control, ourselves! 

     So trust your intuition and follow your desired path! When it comes to making heart-felt decisions regarding your own goals and dreams, you really don’t need to explain those decisions to anyone. Learn to go with what’s in your gut to be right for you, it’s called your intuition! Intuition can be a great tool to get through life, if we remember to trust and use it. What we can do is take the emotional pain of not being understood by friends, family, or others, and use it as a fuel to live in our truth, and help create the goals and dreams that are meaningful to us. Try showing yourself you can do it, no matter what! Remember there is only one voice to listen to, and that is our own.

Steve