DBSA Omaha New Hope

Good Day everyone, Tonight we start and end with hope.

Today is not just another Day it us a new opportunity to become stronger wiser, and more disciplined.  Forget Yesterdays failures, focus on todays actions.  Small Steps taken now can create a life you once only dreamed about.  Take one step with me tonight and be on your way to the next you.  Or in the words of Gold Medalist Mikala Shrifferin, “Stop Dreaming, and just ski.”

So, we just left 2025 behind. Your 2026 journey is just beginning.  Part of any journey is deciding where we are going.  We talk a lot about change over the past several months, so tonight we are going to make a road map for you to follow to achieve the change you want.  So lets start by Defining who you are today.  Include at least 5 things about yourself you are happy with.  Using these five things you like about your life, write a paragraph that tells me who you are today.  Remember those intentions we talked about two weeks ago.

Now, list all the things you would like to change about yourself this year.  My guess is that this list will be more than one or two items  as we are always our own worst critic.  Break each change down until you are at a level where you can make a clear, achievable, and measurable path to each end result.  Along the way we will learn a method to take small bites out of an elephant sized goal that you can follow along with, make your own goals for 2026 and hopefully build an authentic life for yourself as i have endeavored to do this past year.

The next box on each line is for Your WHY.  Your Why is the key as that is what is going to motivate you.  This is YOUR reason to keep going, to overcome procrastination.

Start today, start now.  Laziness dies when your purpose feels bigger than your excuses.

Start small, momentum builds faster than waiting for motivation

Every wasted hour delays the life you say you want.

Energy comes from movement not from sitting and thinking.

Discipline means doing it, even when you don’t feel like it.

Comfort is a trap disguised as peace

Your future self is shaped by todays action, not tomorrows plans.

Death is not the greatest loss, in life. True loss is when life dies inside you, while you are alive and can still do something about it.

You do not get a practice swing at life.  This is it.  Your one wild fragile beautiful life.  So live it fully.  You are allowed to make mistakes.  You’re allowed to change your mind.  You’re allowed to begin again.  Don’t let fear make your decisions.  Don’t wait for the Perfect moment, it rarely shows up.

Don’t keep postponing the life you want to live.  Because if you start postponing what you really want, One day turns into someday.

Someday turns into next year and before you realize it the moment you were waiting for has quietly passed,

The truth is “later” is a promise time rarely keeps.  Call the person. Take the trip. Start the dream.  Say the words. Send the message, Start the thing you’ve been overthinking for months.

Life doesn’t pause while you hesitate, it moves, with or without you and the heaviest regret isn’t failure, It’s wondering what would have happened if you had simply tried.

This is the only life you’ll have, and its happening right now, quietly, imperfectly, and often faster than we expect.  One day you’ll look back and realize how many moments passed while you were waitron for the right time, the right version of yourself or a life that felt less complicated.  So Live fully in the moments you are given. Chase the dreams that keep tugging at you heart evil if they scare you. Make mistakes without letting others or yourself convince you to stop trying. take chances, fall down, stand back up and begin again as many times as it takes,  Forgive when you’re ready, not to excuse what hurt you, but to free yourself from carrying it forever,  Choose kindness even when the world feels heavy.  Let go of the fears that shrink your life and love deeply and honestly without holding back.  You don’t need a perfect life to make it beautiful, you only need the courage to live it as your own.

Your Words shape your reality. Stop saying I’m tired.  Im broken, I’m depressed.  Start saying I’m grateful, Im growing, I’m thriving I’m winning I’m successful.  Speak life into yourself as your words shape your reality.  Convince yourself that you can instead of talking yourself out of doing things that will make your life better.

The best times in life happen after you have the courage to change or let go of the things that no longer bring you joy.

Now, before you make an actual plan, look at your goal one more time.  Does it align with where you intentionally want to be with your head, heart and soul.  If not, pick new goals that do before proceeding.

Now, recognize the steps that you need to take to reach your goal, classes, certificates, or just good old skills you need to develop.  Those are your small bites and stair steps along your path to your goal.  Start with what you feel will be the easiest steps, put them at the bottom of the page.  That is where you start.  If one of your steps depends on another, in my case the Nebraska class needed to be completed before my state certification test, put the class box at the bottom of the page and the test, or whatever it is for you directly above the class box.  This is called skill stacking.  Your final plan should either look like a pyramid with multiple roots or a stack of boxes, in each case leading to your ultimate goal at the top or pinnacle of the pyramid.  

Less complaining, more clarity. Get clarity on your dream. What is it you really want to do, achieve, or become? Reflect on my  20 pounds and that is really was not pounds at all, I just wanted to be able to walk further. Recognize that seeking that clarity is your first step to manifesting it. This road map that you are starting tonight helps you get that focus on your dream.  Even when you encounter a setback, your connection to your road map will get you going again and will help you stay the course.  And most of all do not be the fool that says to himself “

People said follow your dreams. So I went back to sleep.”

Every morning remind yourself that you don’t need to prove yourself to anyone.  Not a single soul.  You don’t need to justify, defend, over explain, or convince anyone about any aspect of your life or choices.  You are doing your best.  You are healing, hurting, growing, grieving, loving, learning, and most of all, you are trying. Anyone who wants to judge where you are at, or criticize has no place in any part of your life.  You’ve spent a lifetime trying to get people to accept you or feel proud of you, but now all the matters is that you’re proud of yourself. You have set goals and mapped out a path and don’t have to seek validation from anyone.

Remember failure is a learning experience. If you fail, figure out why and try again.  This strategy works for 
almost everyone with very few exceptions.  Just remember, If at first you don’t succeed , skydiving may not be for you

Never regret a day in your life,. Good days give happiness.  Bad Days Give experience, worst days give lessons, and best days give memories. 

Make self-improvement a way of life. Working on yourself is an ongoing process. Challenge your mindset and beliefs around your identity and always seek your next action of integrity. When you reach a fork in the road, ask yourself “What would my 2025 self choose, and what would the new self I am building choose”  This helps you see the progress you have already made while aligning your choice with the you that you are trying to become.  When you abandon self-improvement or think that you’re done, you give up on being the best version of yourself.  

Recognize the barri-OR. Barriers are never blockages, they are choices for you to make! You can either listen to the negativity and let it hold you back or turn towards positivity. Negativity will tell you that your dreams are impossible, people will make fun of you, and you can’t do it. That all pushes you further from your dreams. Even if they seem out of reach, remember the goalpost doesn’t move, YOU do!

The thing to remember when you come up against obstacles is

Don’t detach from your future. 
There is a bigger reason why you are pursuing your dreams. Your powerful “Why”.  Connect to what encourages you and pulls you up. Learn to listen to that internal voice of encouragement. Attune yourself to inspiration and a higher level of consciousness. Train yourself to focus on that love. Your job is to see the fullness and expansiveness of your spirit. Tap into that.

“Maybe the journey isn’t so much about becoming anything. Maybe it’s about un-becoming everything that isn’t really you, so you can be who you were meant to be in the first place.”  Do not be afraid to release parts of the old you that do not align with the person you are trying to become.

Remember, we cannot become what we want by remaining what we are.
You have to be true to yourself in order to attract the right people. IF you have to shed some of society’s expectations to find who you really are, do it. You have to learn to be authentic, awakened into your full and true spirit. If you don’t live as who you truly are, then others can’t connect to the you that you want them to connect to. Being here is a great first step in leveling up your peer group.  Just being around those who have been where you are and understand.  Your time is now.  It is time to dance.

This coming year, I hope beautiful things happen to you and when the do, I hope you realize that you are worthy of every single one of them

Remember alignment of heart/ mind. and soul.  When you are pursuing this as your authentic self, progress will fell natural and be rewarding as you build a life worth living.

Hope is the fuel for change, and alignment is the framework that gives you your path.  Somewhere, there is a place for us as our best authentic selves living our best lives.

On Thursday March 19, I shared my presentation entitled “ Self-compassion With no Limits “ 

When it comes to our own self-compassion, it may truly be one of the most important parts of our personal mental health.  

I know when I am experiencing a rough patch, the best thing for me to do is to be around friends and family who appreciate me for who I am, and realize what great qualities I possess. When you are in a bad place, try to remember that the way you talk to yourself really matters. Learn to talk to yourself with more kindness. We also should try and recognize the effects of negative self talk and of treating ourselves badly. If you are a person who appreciates a good hug, try and receive and give hugs when you are in a bad way. If you are wanting to give someone else a hug, just remember to ask permission first. Sometimes just the act of physical touch can help us to feel better when we’re being hard on ourselves.   

Kindness Letter….. One of the helpful things you can do to increase your own self-compassion, is to write yourself a “ kindness letter “. This is a letter you can write to yourself, to help you get through the tough times.   

Benefits of a kindness letter.   So, what are some of the benefits of a kindness letter?  

1) It can help you stay on track. 

2) A kindness letter will help you feel better when you are down, or at your worst.   And it can also be a pep talk to yourself. 

Your kindness letter to yourself should be filled with kind words that will help you continue to be your best. 

The letter should show yourself empathy for the distress you are experiencing.

It should also say something really, really kind to yourself.  And make sure and read your letter out loud to yourself when you are finished. 

     I have to tell you that I really love this idea of writing a kindness letter to ourselves. So, I felt I would try to set an example for you by writing my own kindness letter to myself, which I would like to share with you below;

 Hi Steve, 

I know a few years ago, you were really having a tough time with things in your life. But try to remember that all people tend to struggle now and then, even though others may appear to always “ have it together “. Things are not always as they may seem ! All of us are imperfect souls, trying to make our way through life’s ups and downs the best we can. Just try to remember you can’t always meet the high expectations of others, nor should you give yourself the burden to do so. Please don’t forget how far you have come on your own wellness journey! Remember when about five years ago you were really, really struggling just to make it through each day? These days you are living your best life, you are thriving and giving back to the community, while earning the respect and admiration of others every day! Your family and friends see you as a loving and caring person, with a willingness to support and nurture others when they need it. Be sure and show yourself the same kindness, empathy and respect you so willingly give to others. After all, don’t you feel you are just as worthy of your own kindness? Remember, you have all of those self-care tools in your toolbox to help get you through the hard times. And don’t be afraid to reach out to your family and friends when you need them. They are there to support you! 

 My best to you my friend! 

I personally felt really good about writing my own kindness letter. I was amazed at how easily the words flowed when I began to write. Even though I wasn’t really struggling when I wrote it, I can see where my letter would be a good source of support for those times when I really do need it.

This past Thursday, Justin shared with us his presentation entitled “ Creativity in Crisis “

Justin began by asking our group, what does creativity mean to you?  Creativity can be letting your emotions out and using your imagination.  Which can be especially true when it comes to art.  But creativity can also show up in other areas.   For example, there is culinary creativity, especially when it comes to pastries and maybe even sushi rolls.  Creativity can also show up when it comes to exercise, and of course music!  Justin shared that there have been many artists who have experienced some mental health challenges, such as Michaelangelo, author Mark Twain, and poet Robert Frost.  

When you are experiencing a crisis of your mental health, you can always try breathing exercises or meditation to help see you through.   

When it comes to making decisions in our life, once you have made a choice, there is no need to worry about changing your choice.  Just try and stay with your original decision.  

If you have fears in your life that you are dealing with, or dealing with despair, there are things you can do to help get you through.  If you are dealing with fear, try writing about what you are afraid of.  Or if you are experiencing anxiety, try your hand at painting or drawing.  He also shared how our daily routines are so important.  Justin said whenever he would go through a crisis, especially during the Wintertime when some of us are experiencing SAD 

( seasonal affective disorder), he will write or play music.  Justin shared with us some of his musical talents by playing the guitar and singing the vocals on some of the music he has written!  What an amazing talent Justin is when it comes to music!

Please make your own intentions list and bring it with you to the 3/26 meeting. My intentions list is here to help you get started.

Don’s intension list:

1. Live with integrity. 

2. Live with action, not just talk. (this is why I came up with a list for myself)

3. Take risks, try new things. (make changes to align with your authentic self)

4. Value rest and reflection. 

5. Create deeper relationships. 

6. Do not take NO for an answer for important stuff: consider others input, but they are not the final judge of your life and goals, you are.

7. Nourish – heart, soul, mind, body.

8. Always be learning. 

9.   Be kind.

10. Practice gratitude. 

11. Live with awareness. 

12. Give back.

13. Create and respect boundaries. (establish and maintain yours and others)

14. Practice the pause…….. instead of reacting. 

15. Do hard things. 

16. Appreciate time. 

17. Embrace my own uniqueness. 

18. Love others for their uniqueness.  ( sort of why we are here)

19. Listen, show up, be there. 

20. Live with less. Don’t just buy.

21. Make home a sanctuary. 

22. Release bitterness, stuckness.  (let the past go, remember ground hog day)

23. Laugh and smile so much more. 

24. Live with fire. Alive.

25. Cherish the gift of aging. 

And the things I am no longer choosing:

1. People who don’t choose me
2. Believing my inner critic.
3. Taking on other people’s negativity
4. Not Asking for clarity if I don’t understand
5. Living up to other peoples expectations
6. Living someone else’s dream rather than my own.
7. Putting myself in unhealthy environments
8. Wobbly boundaries
9. Mixed messages
10. Things that make me feel “less than”
11. Unrealistic expectations of myself
12. Ignoring my feelings, emotions and needs

This last Thursday, I shared my presentation with everyone entitled “ Vacation from Rumination “

So what are ruminating thoughts?  

Rumination is a focused attention on the symptoms of our anxiety or distress, and on it’s possible causes and consequences. Rather than looking to its solutions.

I know for a fact, that I along with many others have experienced ruminating thoughts many times.  Some people may even refer to it as spiraling.

But when our thoughts turn more negative, that’s known as rumination. It can also be the obsession over negative events that happened in the past.

Signs of Rumination: As a general rule, the following can be sure signs of rumination: 

 1) focusing on a problem for more than a few minutes. 

 2) feeling worse than you started out feeling. 

 3) no movement toward accepting and moving on.

 4) Being no closer to a solution. 

 Dealing with negative emotions can help to handle rumination and the feelings of stress that come with

Getting caught up in ruminating thoughts can have negative effects on our well-being. 

 What do I do to help get rid of those ruminating thoughts? I try to re-focus on something else. Something that will distract me so that I can possibly forget about what I am so worried about. Such as maybe play some of my favorite music, or call a family member or spend time talking to a friend. What helps you escape those ruminative thoughts? A few ideas on how to catch yourself ruminating and refocus:

Establish a time limit: if you’re looking for support from friends, secretly set yourself a time limit on how many minutes you’ll devote to talking about a problem, before focusing on a solution. Then talk about solutions with a friend, or on your own, possibly even through journaling.

Keep an open mind: I read somewhere once where some therapists believe what bothers us in others may be a reflection of what we don’t like or accept in ourselves. When you think about what another person did to make you upset, try and think of a similar experience you have had, to help better appreciate their perspective and the reasons for what they did.

Something to remember, if you find yourself constantly replaying something in your mind, and thinking about what you should have said or done, without taking any action, we’re usually making ourselves more stressed. And that’s when we are likely experiencing some of the negative effects of rumination. No fun, right? 

Below are some activities to help you escape rumination: 

 Go outside for a walk .

 Yoga poses and stretching .

 Drawing 

 Being Mindful of your surroundings, what you hear, smell, see and even the air temperature .

 Try reading a good book .

 Meditation 

 Journaling 

 Adult coloring books .

 Writing, or song writing .

 Listening to music .

 What are some other things that you do to help you with rumination?

This past Thursday, Don made his presentation entitled “ The Second Ghost Part I “

He shared with us his thoughts on the new year, which causes most of us to think about setting new goals.

Don suggested that maybe it’s time for us to re-frame our brain systems a little bit.  

But with a new twist.  Instead of setting goals in this new year, he suggested we do some talent stacking.  It may be time for us to think about the different things that we know we are really good at.  Those talents we all have.

And try to remember when thinking about your own special talents, that change is a journey for us, and not just a light switch that you can turn on. 

Sure, college courses will teach us a lot, but what else do we need?

Things like time management are not taught when in college.  For example, many new skills are needed to get a spouse, a house and those 2.5 kids you have always wanted.

Don proposed a great thought for us to consider.  Imagine when you die, if you were to meet the person who you could have been.  Are you a stranger to your own potential?   

Don gave us a homework assignment for the next time he presents for us.  He wants us to start dreaming of our future self.   And let go of the past, even though the person that hurt you didn’t say they were sorry.  Your own excuses are lying to you.  And healing will require letting go of  those toxic relationships.  

In 2026, start stacking your talents.  This could be the most transformative if you let it.  Trust that each step forward will build something more meaningful.

And don’t forget that you don’t have to try and make everyone happy.

And when stacking your talents this year, you will go through the stages of change, which are as follows;

1). Pre-contemplation stage.   In this stage you are not considering any changes, and may be resistant to change.

2) Contemplation stage.   In this stage you may be starting to think about change,  and begin to think about it.

3) Preparation stage.  This is the beginning of starting to make small changes.

4). Action stage.  You are ready to change , and you start to begin those changes.

5).  Maintenance stage.  This is where you carry out adaptive behaviors to sustain your desired changes.

6) Relapse.  In this stage you may revert back to your old stages, possibly stages one and two.

Don reminded us in 2026 to find and use the tools to understand where you are and the skills needed to get there.  And stay focused on your goals and stop accepting those self imposed limits. 

So where do we meet difficult people?  We can run into difficult people at holiday gatherings, or at work or maybe even at the grocery store. So what might make them difficult?  They could show traits of being rude or aggressive. But try and keep in mind that maybe that person is just having a bad day. 

So, how might we spot these people?  

There are some signs and red flags. Others may be avoiding them, and their public image may be different than how they are in private. Difficult people may try and demean you and not respect your boundaries. They may lie to you, and if they are a bully they may be abusive to you.   

So, how can minimize our interaction with them, without sacrificing our mental health?  

Try to keep things logical without being emotional. And remember it takes two people to argue. And don’t drink alcohol around difficult people, as it will make you more vulnerable.  Try and focus on them in the conversation, and maybe change the topic, and re-direct the conversation elsewhere. 

And learn to give up the dream that they will someday be the person you want them to be. Don’t try to get them to see things your way. 

If things get too intense, try and create a distraction.  Pets and babies are always a great distraction! 

Or maybe try and make your interactions around entertainment, creating something that absorbs their attention and changes the subject.

Or maybe you can reach out to them and tell them you’re sorry that they are upset.  Maybe you can seek some common ground with them?  Or ask that person what can we do to solve your differences?

You can also try to role play with someone when you are about to see that difficult family member.

And try to meet in a neutral space, and schedule something after so that you have a built in exit plan.

But most importantly of all, practice self-care and look out for yourself. 

So, how, in that terrible moment do we summon the strength to be found?  To pick ourselves up and make that call and get help.

This is where practice comes in.  While they may seem small, trivial and unrelated, here are a few mental exercises you can do safely that will build your strength to face your fire.

1. Pick a day and focus on an important task.  Shut out all outside influences until you have finished.  Focus and train your brain to follow your commands.  As it must when the fire is burning down your house.
2. Pick a day and be nothing but positive.  No snarky comments, nothing negative.  Not even joking with friends.  Everything is a compliment, everything is positive.  It’s really hard for most of us! Especially me.
3. Take a day off from the internet.  No FB, no Instagram, no tick tock, no X.  Completely off the net.  Completely free from outside influences and ideas.  Allow you to be purely you.  Live the day in your own place and that very moment, free from the influence of the rest of the world.
4. Have a day of mindfulness.  A day for yourself and your soul.
5. For a day, actively question your actions.  “Why do I do this this way, why do I like this show, this food….”  You might be surprised at some of the answers.  We do a lot of things out of habit that perhaps if we think about it, are no longer fun, or no longer good for ourselves.
6. For a day, delay your responses.  Take a breath and think through your answer, rather than blurt it out.  Your real, thoughtful self might surprise you. 
7. Focus an entire day on compassion and forgiveness.  Make this day about everyone except yourself. Show your caring side to others and let the past be in the past.
8. Go 24 hours without complaining about anything.  Just positivity in your thoughts.
9. Go 24 hours without using your dominate hand.  Get your brain out of autopilot.
10. Go 24 hours speaking only in questions.  No opinions, just listen to responses.
11. And most importantly, as homework tonight: Think about others.  Go down your list.  Mom, Dad, husband, wife, kids, sister, brother, friends, co workers, even your dog or cat.  Picture their lives without you in it.  Watch your life for the times you make a difference to someone.  My son Josh is still deeply effected by the loss of a close classmate in high school.    
12. Every time I walk into this building, I think of Bo.       Right now, my friend Howard is holding on because he has no one to care for his dog if he lets his fire consume him.  Do this when you are strong.  Think long and hard about the impact you have on others every day.  Think about how you would make them feel, how you would change their lives.  You are important, to the people around you and yourself, and the fire will lie to you, telling you, you are not. Do not believe it!                                        
13. By doing these exercises, you are building a defense for when all seems lost.  Write your list of people down.  Write what you think their lives would be like should your fire win. Do this now, so in that dark moment, you can read your rational self to the fire, and maybe, just maybe, that dark moment will see a glimpse of light. And that glimpse of light, can make all the difference.

This last Thursday, our friend Corey presented for us.  He shared with us his presentation on “Anxiety “

Unfortunately anxiety is one of those topics we can all relate to. Corey shared that there are different types of anxiety, such as GAD( general anxiety disorder).  There is also panic disorder. And anxiety can be moderate or severe, depending on the person.  Anxiety may also cause long lasting symptoms. 

Anxiety can also cause insomnia, trembling, and sometimes you may have trouble concentrating.  And sometimes when you are experiencing anxiety you may find yourself focusing too much on the future.  

During the discussion on anxiety, someone mentioned that box breathing is a technique that you can use that may help to calm you and reduce your anxiety.

Box breathing is a relaxation technique where you inhale , hold your breath, exhale , and hold again, each for a count of four , forming a “box” pattern.

Connecting with others in a similar situation, such as experiencing anxiety, may be helpful for you.  It’s also important to make sleep a priority in your life, which may help you handle your anxiety a little better.

This last Thursday, Haley shared with us her reminder of how important it is that we have a current and updated Safety Plan.  A safety plan is used to make sure that you are ready to handle a mental health crisis.  She shared that your plan should be updated about every six months.  Remember that if you are having a crisis, your brain may not be working very well during that time. 

When a good safety plan is put together , you should be able to use each one of the steps in your plan to help yourself get through a crisis. 

It’s important to keep your plan updated, as your warning signs that you are in a crisis can change over time.  Haley shared that you can create a special code word that you can share with those who you may ask for help from during a crisis.  You can then advise those people on your list of contacts that if you call them at any time and you should mention that code word, that should let them know you’re going through a crisis. 

She also handed out a safety plan form where we could fill out this important information. 

Some of the questions on this form that should be a part of your safety plan were:

1) Write three warning signs that a crisis may be developing.

2) Write three internal coping strategies that can take your mind off of your problems.

3) Who/What are three people or places that provide distraction.

4) Who can you ask for help?  ( write name/place and phone numbers)

5) List professionals or agencies you can contact during a crisis.

6) Write out a plan to make your environment safer.  ( write two things)

     If you don’t already have a safety plan in place, it’s important that we all have one completed and at the ready should a mental health crisis arise.  I am working on rewriting mine again as we speak.