On Thursday April 21st, Steve gave us his presentation entitled “ Letting go and Forgiving “
Steve began by giving us a definition of what forgiveness means; forgiveness means different things to everyone. In general, it’s basically a decision to let go of resentment and thoughts of revenge. Whatever it was that hurt or offended you may always be with you, but forgiveness can lessen its grip on you, and allow you to let go and move on.
Sometimes forgiveness can be challenging, and might be confused with accepting something wrong that someone has done to us. It’s important to remember that forgiveness will allow you to let go of that connection you have with the person that hurt you, and to move on with or without them.
“ Its good to remember that forgiveness benefits the forgiver more than the one who’s forgiven “.
There are seven steps to true forgiveness;
1) Acknowledge…learn to acknowledge the hurt, try to understand the person who hurt you and why did they do it?
2) Consider…..think about the pros and cons of forgiving and letting go, maybe consider how the hurt and pain has affected you. How has the pain changed who you are?
3) Accept..that you have a choice in forgiveness, and accept that you cannot change the past. Maybe it’s time to admit that your anger towards that person who hurt you won’t change anything.
4) Determine…whether or not you will forgive this person, and try and empathize with the one who hurt you. This decision may determine the future relationship you may have with the one who hurt you.
5) Repair..maybe it’s time to repair the relationship you once had with the person who hurt you. Before forgiveness can happen, try and rebuild the relationship you once had. Remember to focus on the present, and not the past.
6) Learn..what forgiveness means to you. Try and feel compassion towards the one you need to forgive. Once you’ve given yourself time to forget the past with the one who hurt you, forgiveness will be a way for you to find closure.
7) Forgive…decide to forgive the person who hurt you. Sometimes this may be a silent forgiveness, maybe something you will only acknowledge in your heart.
Steve also talked about forgiving yourself. Sometimes you may find it hard to forgive, if you blame yourself for what has happened. This is where some self-compassion and self-forgiveness may need to happen before you can forgive another. Just try to remember if someone decides to hurt you, it’s never your fault.
Once you’ve forgiven someone in your life, it’s also important to move on. If you practice forgiveness it will help you;
1) Focus on everything good you have in your life
2) It May teach you more about the importance of compassion, and having empathy towards others.
Some more tips for letting go;
1) Try creating a positive mantra, to help you reframe your thoughts and to move on.
2) Practice mindfulness, if we try harder to bring our focus to the present, our past will have less of an influence on us.
3) Be kind to yourself
4) Remember to practice self-care
5) Be with others who make you feel good!
Most importantly. allow peace to enter your life once you have forgiven someone.