On April 23, Crystal shared with us her presentation on “ How to Ask for Help in a Non-triggering Way”.

About three years ago, a friend of Crystal’s needed help at around two in the morning.  Needless to say, the following day she was very tired and her day at work did not go that well.  The lack of sleep from the night before really impacted her whole day. She had to try and explain to her boss why she was so tired and struggling through the day. 

It turns out when things like this happen to us, we need to try and make sure to set some boundaries with the other person.

Crystal shared with us an acronym, which I really loved.

The acronym is FRIES.

1) Consent…..

F) Freely give.   Your time helping someone should not feel forced or coerced.

And you shouldn’t feel any pressure or fear for not helping.

R) Reversible.  People can change their mind about helping others.  And if you tell them no, then no means no.

I) Informed and honest.  You can’t fully consent to help if you don’t have the full picture.  Make sure you know and understand the whole situation.

E) Enthusiastic.  Make sure if you agree to help someone, that your yes answer is clear, and that you are excited to help. 

S). Specific- consent for one thing does not mean permission for everything.

2) Can they help you?   Be honest and genuine. Make sure the other person has the same honesty as you are used to. When you are thinking of asking someone to help you, do they have their own boundaries?  
If there is something traumatic you are dealing with in your life, maybe you need to seek therapy to help you cope. Is there actually a solution to your problem?  Are you willing to be flexible?  

And when you are asking for help, be specific. Are you running low on money?  

Be proactive about your options.  Any plan is better than no plan at all. 

Be meaningful, and explain why you need help. 

Be action-oriented. Explain exactly what you need. 

Be realistic.  Make sure your solution is doable.

Time-bound..actually say when you will need the help.