DBSA Omaha New Hope

This last Thursday, Don shared with us his presentation “ My Wish”.

He shared with us that this presentation is Part four of his series on making changes.  He shared that when it comes to our fate, maybe your fate is what you make it.  We may need to learn to define who we are today. When Don made his last presentation, he gave us a homework assignment to come up with a list of our own intentions in life. He advised us when we have our own list of intentions, we should hang it somewhere that we can see it every day.

Some of my intentions are;

1) To lead by example 

2) Listen less to my inner critic.

3) Try to give back even more to the community.

4) Not worry so much about what others think.

5) Take up a new hobby this year, maybe gardening? 

Don also handed out a nice worksheet we can use to write down a list of our intentions, and the changes that need to be made to make those changes happen.  Once this worksheet has been completed, it will be a good roadmap that will help us get a better focus on our dreams.

Whenever we encounter any barriers to reaching our dreams, these are not blockages, even though negativity will tell you dreams are not possible. 

We have to learn to listen to our internal voice of encouragement.  When it comes to change, do not be afraid to lose a part of the old you.  Learn to be true to yourself to attract the right people in your life.  You will find like minded people when you make the changes you need to make.  We need to encourage each other more, and when you have success share it with others so you can celebrate.  Learn to summon the best of who you are.  Be good, kind and brave!  Let go of the past and help others. Today is a gift, make today count! 

Below are the instructions for the worksheet as well as pdf and excell versions of the worksheet.

Tonight we ponder, what if your fate is what you make it?

So, we just left 2024 behind. Your 2025 journey is just beginning.  Part of any journey is deciding where we are going.  We talk a lot about change over the past several months, so tonight we are going to make a road map for you to follow to achieve the change you want.  So lets start by Defining who you are today. go to the blank side of the handout. Use the top line to write at least 5 things about yourself you are happy with.  At the bottom of the page in the blank space, using these five things you like about your life, write a paragraph that tells me who you are today.  Now go to the line that says values, list at least 5 values you live by.  And, remember those intentions we talked about two weeks ago. There are 24 open boxes to list them in, or as many things as you have tonight.  

If you get stuck on what goes in each box, flip the page over and you will see my filled out worksheet with some changes already in progress.  Remember this is both an individual challenge and a group challenge.  Feel free to share in second hour and even pair off into smaller groups or pairs to hold each other accountable.

Now, go below the blue line.  List all the things you would like to change about yourself this year.  There are 11 lines, use as many as you need, but only put one thing you want to change about yourself on each line.  Some changes may be interdependent on other changes, like I will finish my degree and get a job is really two changes, one dependent on the completion of the other.  My guess is that this list will be longer than 5 items  as we are always our own worst critic.  Break each change down until you are at a level where you can make a clear, achievable, and measurable path to each end result.

Leave the rest of each line blank for now.

Except the next two columns .  The first one is for your project’s start date, and anticipated done date.  Especially if your changes involve meds, remember you can’t truly feel the change of an individual med if you change more than one at a time.  And ALLWAYS with the consultation and permission of your doctor.  Discuss your changes with your doctor, they will likely have some great suggestions for you.

The next box on each line is for Your WHY.  Your Why is important as that is what is going to motivate you.  When you have a bad day or a bad result, look back at the why column.  This is your primary motivator.  

And there is one last column I want you to be sure to fill in and that is the far right one entitled “End Results”.  I want you to be able to close your eyes and visualize what your life will be like when you make it to your end goal.  This and the “Why” are what will keep you going when you want to skip a day or just give up.

Your homework over the next week is to fill in how you are going to achieve the change you are looking for.  Some solutions may be simple, some may take time.  Some may require another thing to have already changed before you can start working on them.

Next put them in order as it is much easier to start working on one goal at a time.

Now give yourself a REALISTIC time to complete each goal.  When I say realistic i mean if one of your goals is to loose 50 pounds, you are not going to do that in a month.  But, if that is on your list set a target for completion.  Last year I wanted to loose 20 pounds by my trip.  I gave myself 4 months which was quite realistic without huge lifestyle changes.  Not only that, I could tell if I was on track along the way because the goal was measurable.  My why was important because I wanted to loose the 20 pounds so I could keep up with the walking tours we had signed up for.  In thinking through my why, I discovered that the actual number on the scale was not what I was trying to achieve which made it easier as I did not need to be fixated at every bite of food I ate, just that I could keep walking comfortably for longer and longer distances.  In the end the number on the scale became irrelevant to my true goal.  

Now many of my changes for this year are longer term and can be worked on simultaneously. Doing things to better my health and retiring or finding a new type of job do not depend on each other.  But several of my health change goals require new drugs or dietary supplements and I know that I only want to change one thing at a time so I can see what does and what does not work for me. ON the other hand I will not attempt to change my job status until I have the heart surgery that I hope to have this spring.  Changing insurance and having the number of sick days  to recover will keep me at my current job at least until the surgery is over.

When you have your list completely filled out, hang it somewhere where you will see it often.  If you need a fresh copy, the link to download one will be in the blog.  Put the start days for each goal in your phone’s calendar.  

LInk to PDF of the form

https://s0.wp.com/wp-includes/images/media/document.svg

Link to Excell of the form

https://depressionbipolarsupportomaha.org/wp-content/uploads/2025/03/my-changes-blank-excell.xlsx

This past Thursday, Don shared with us his presentation entitled “ Making Hard Choices” 

Don discussed change and how different types of changes can affect us. 

A few things I took away from his presentation; 

-Change when well planned is great for our mental health.

-Sometimes the changes we make are made poorly. Change can also have consequences that you need to be prepared for. So, we need to make sure and think through our changes and plan them out. 

You can change anything that you can control.  Now some things may be out of our locus of control.  Miriam has talked about locus of control on her previous presentations.  What exactly is our “ locus of control “ ? 

Locus of control is the extent to which you feel or believe you have control over events that impact your life. 

If we learn to identify what we can control, and let go of what we can’t control, we might feel better about change. 

Don shared how we should strive to have more balanced thoughts and manage more acceptance when it comes to change. 

When considering life changes, learn to understand the long term outcome.

And maybe try to anticipate the speed bumps. 

Maybe it might benefit you to eliminate the negative and cultivate people around you who are achievers.  And maybe quit anything that is dragging you down. Is there a certain part of your life that’s giving you grief? Can you live without it? 

If you eliminate a certain place, person or activity, will it be better for you? Changes you make may have a collateral effect on others, but that is out of your locus of control.  If you make a change in your life, will it benefit you? 

Learn to make positive changes in your life.  Be bold and courageous!

At the end of Don’s presentation, he gave us a homework assignment.

Start working on a list of personal intentions you may have for 2025.  Try and think of intentions that will give your mind and heart direction. 

Who knows, maybe sometime down the road, Don may ask us how we did on our homework assignment?

 Intentions are a code you want to live your life by.  Not always will you live up to your intentions.  They are things that you will try to do, but since you are not perfect and do not control other peoples reactions, sometimes you will fail to live up to your intentions.

Intentions are important and powerful. They set the trajectory and give our minds and hearts direction. It is worth taking five minutes to think about how you want to live, what you stand for, what is important, and what goals matter to you. 

To give you a place to get started, here is my list, and I will put this up in the blog for you to consider and modify to match your authentic self.  And facilitators, this is also a pretty good list of topics for this group if any of you want to grab one and run with it.

1. Live with integrity. 

2. Live with action, not just talk. (this is why I came up with a list for myself)

3. Take risks, try new things. (make changes to align with your authentic self)

4. Value rest and reflection. 

5. Create deeper relationships. 

6. Don’t default to “no” or “later” consider others input

7. Nourish – heart, soul, mind, body.

8. Always be learning. 

9.   Be kind.

10. Practice gratitude. 

11. Live with awareness. 

12. Give back.

13. Create and respect boundaries. (establish and maintain yours and others)

14. Practice the pause instead of reacting. 

15. Do hard things. 

16. Appreciate time. 

17. Embrace my own uniqueness. 

18. Love others for their uniqueness.  ( sort of why we are here)

19. Listen, show up, be there. 

20. Live with less. Don’t just buy.

21. Make home a sanctuary. 

22. Release bitterness, stuckness.  (let the past go, remember ground hog day)

23. Laugh and smile so much more. 

24. Live with fire. Alive.

25. Cherish the gift of aging. 

26. Asking more questions, especially if I do not understand.

And while I am at it, there are a few things that I’m no longer choosing 

1 People that do not choose me.

2. Believing my inner critic.

3.Taking on other peoples negativity

4. Living up to other people’s expectations.

5. Living someone else’s dream instead of my own.

6. Putting myself in unhealthy environments.

7. Things that make me feel less than.

8. Unrealistic expectations of myself.

9. Ignoring my own emotions, and needs.

Use these lists to make your on list of intentions. We will be revisiting intentions st the March 13th meeting so bring your list that night!

Soundtracks, by Jon Acuff

     When doing research for this presentation, I was originally planning on talking about ruminating thoughts and overthinking. So I looked at my past presentation on rumination and realized it really needed some work. I went to my usual website to research mental health information and ran across a podcast where they were interviewing an author by the name of Jon Acuff. I had never heard of this author before, but on this podcast he was promoting his latest book titled “ Soundtracks”.  After listening to him talk, I became more than interested in his latest book he was promoting. I decided I needed to buy his book. 

    I am really glad that I did. In this book, the author shares that about 97 percent of us in this world tend to overthink. I for one can definitely be counted among that 97 percent. When we are overthinking, our brains tend to find a negative soundtrack that is part of our life, and play it over and over again. For example, a few years back when I started to make presentations here at DBSA, my negative soundtrack kept telling me, “ you can’t talk in front of those people. You will be too nervous. And besides that, you don’t really know what you’re talking about.” Boy, talking about your overthinking!  

Sometimes our brains can really be jerks. Maybe we spend time focusing on negative soundtracks, of perhaps being fired from your job or possibly getting dumped by your boyfriend or girlfriend. The author shares with us that our memory will tend to lie about experiences we may have had, even though they may be positive. Let’s just say that you are normally late for that weekly meeting you have at work. And then for the last two meetings you have had, you have been on time. Your brain will still try and convince you to ignore what doesn’t agree with your broken soundtracks. The author also shares that our broken soundtracks are always encouraging our fears. Every time you listen to a broken soundtrack, it gets even easier to believe the next time.

     The author tells us that the solution to overthinking isn’t to stop thinking.  We all know that won’t work.  Instead, how about training our brains to play different soundtracks rather than the old ones? Then, once you’ve picked the right soundtrack, it will get easier to pick the right actions. We need to try and remember that our thoughts give power to our actions, which create results. We also need to try and not take something we are experiencing and make it a permanent part of our life.  It’s important to remember that even though we may be having a bad experience, it’s not the new normal. You just might be having a bad day. 

The author Jon tells us that there are three basic actions that we can take to change our thoughts from a super problem into a super power;

1. Retire your broken soundtracks
2. Replace them with new ones
3. Repeat them until they are as automatic as the old ones.

      Retire, Replace and Repeat. 

The author Jon shares with us we need to ask our loudest soundtracks three questions to see which ones we should listen to.

1. Is it true? One of the greatest mistakes we can make is believing all of our thoughts are true. If we have a negative soundtrack in life that we keep repeating, it would be a benefit to get a second opinion on it. 
2. Is it helpful? Is the soundtrack you’re listening to now helpful? Does it move you forward, or keep you stuck? Does it help or limit a decision you are making? Overthinking can prevent us from taking the usually simple steps that would solve a situation.
3. Is it kind? Broken soundtracks can be tricky and can often pretend to be the truth. Is the soundtrack you’re listening to kind to yourself? After you listen to it, do you feel better about yourself?

Another favorite part of this book for me, is when the author shares that our goal shouldn’t be to totally turn off our soundtracks. The goal is to turn down the volume on them. When our lives turn up the negative thoughts, we need to take action and turn them back down. We need to turn them down when they get loud.  He shared a few techniques we can use to help us turn down the volume.

One idea is to try something physical. Some people recommend petting a dog or a cat. This has been known to release serotonin. Taking a long walk is good for you when you’re overthinking. One of the fastest ways we can turn down our soundtracks is by meeting a friend for coffee or dinner. This is a great way to get out of your own head.  I for one do this every weekend, and it works every time. It’s really important for us to get out and socialize!

A few other techniques you can use to turn down the volume:

1. Go for a short drive down one of your favorite roads, with the windows down and the music turned up!
2. Take your dog for a walk, it would be good for both of you
3. Take a nap, listen to your body and regroup by getting some rest. 
4. Text an encouraging message to a friend when they really need it.
5. Watch 10 minutes of your favorite comedian.
6. Use a meditation app such as Calm for at least 10 minutes.
7. Listen to your favorite playlist.

The important thing is to use our own self-care tools, and have them ready when we really need to turn down our negative soundtracks and replace them with more positive ones. 

This past Thursday, our friend Carolyn shared with us her presentation titled “ Deep Thinkers “ 

I really enjoyed this presentation, as Carolyn gave those in attendance the opportunity for them to share their own poetry, their favorite poetry of someone else, or maybe a meaningful saying that means something important in their life.  It was a poetry reading for all to participate in, to express and explore putting their feelings on paper. 

Carolyn began by sharing some of her poetry. 

The first one written by Carolyn was titled : 

“ The Sun Rays”

     I am basking in the sun with my eyes closed. I feel the warmth of it’s ray’s reaching my pale face, which are ever so lightly shimmering over my skin. Drenching it with a heavenly soft white light. Though it is slowly disappearing as the day come to an end. 

     The sun is seamingly being covered up by a few clouds that are sneakly moving in, only to imerge again from them momentarily in an aray of different shades of colors like yellows, oranges and reds, tell soon you will only see glimmers of the hews! 

Since it is slowly getting darker by the minute. The dark will soon decend upon us, for night time is turning a quiet deep blue, that would turn to black if it were not for the moon and the stars, shining brightly down on us during the stillness of the lonely night.

And the second one written by Carolyn; 

“ As Long as she Still Flys”

     Suspended from a tall brass pole there old glory is waving to all, who care to look up.  And she still flys. While rolling her bold, red and white stripes, old glory cracks loudly as she catches the wind. And still she flys. Though torn and tattered, the sun sets upon old glory, as the dark clouds move in. And still she flys. Standing with our hands over our hearts, we pledge alegence under God. She in turn promising to provide liberty and justice for all. As long as she still flys. 

This past Thursday, Miriam shared with us her most recent presentation,

“ How to Effect Actual Change in Your Life, part II “

Miriam shared with us ideas on how we can create a path towards transformative change in our lives. We all have learned habits that are a part of our daily routine. Say for example every day you start to get hungry at around 02:30 in the afternoon, and you reach for that bag of chips or a nice piece of chocolate. That could be an example of a learned habit that has become part of your daily routine.

It can take energy to make those changes in your life. But if you have too much stress in your life, that stress can zap your much needed energy. Having stress is our bodies reaction to something that we are experiencing.

Higher stress levels can possibly block our healthy sleep patterns.

If you’re concerned about stress in your life, start by talking to your doctor about it.  If you’re having trouble sleeping, maybe your doctor could prescribe something to help you sleep.

Try eating less processed foods as part of your diet. Make sure you go to bed at the same time every night, and wake up at the same time every morning. This will help you keep your circadian rhythms in line. Try and think about what it is that seems to be taking up all of your energy. You could try to identify some of the bad habits you may have and make a list of some of the changes you may want to make.

If you have a certain habit that you are trying to break, you could try:

-Setting an alarm at a certain time of day to remind you to do something else. If you always find yourself looking for that savory bag of chips at 02:30 in the afternoon, try setting your alarm for 02:30 to go take a walk. Or if you’re at work, go outside and take a walk around the building.

Or you could try locking up those bags of chips somewhere out of sight, and make them harder to get to.  When breaking an unwanted habit, you have to try and somehow interrupt your brain and it’s processing flow. Or if you’re triggered every time you go out with friends to a bar, try taking yourself out of the situation and suggest going out for coffee somewhere rather than to a bar. 

We have to start by learning to be more proactive and begin getting rid of the bad habits that aren’t serving us well. It all starts by interrupting your routine and identifying your bad habits and what might be triggering them.  And most importantly recruit and have an ally or a group of friends who want to do the same. 

This past Thursday, Don shared with us his presentation entitled “ Groundhog Day” 

Don opened his presentation with the song “ I Got You Babe”, Sonny and Cher’s famous hit that was also featured in the movie “ Groundhog Day” 

In the movie Bill Murray keeps reliving his day over and over again. At first he gets mad and depressed, as he is stuck in the same rut every day and nothing he does gets him out of it. Does this sound familiar to any of you?  How many of you are stuck in your own version of Groundhog Day? 

Groundhog Day can be a day dedicated to taking a look at our lives.  Sometimes every day is predictable.  But we cannot become what we want by remaining what we are. 

Don shared with us that for him there are three steps…put it in your past, Forgive and Decide.

He also stated that we are composed of three selves. He recommended starting by working with our past self.

1) our past selves…

Don shared with us that one of the most effective ways to start is by writing a letter to your past self.  For this you should start out by choosing a time that you did or didn’t do something, and by making that decision the course of your life went in a negative way. 

Now the hard part…do one of two things with your letter.  Either rip up the letter, or hide it away somewhere and do not look at the letter again.  Think of this as a cleansing.  This will take you one step closer to moving on to February 3rd.

2) Our Present self…..this is where we need to forgive.  Not others, but ourselves.  Some of us are stuck in our own Groundhog Day loop, because we can’t forgive ourselves for something we did.  Is it possible that these good choices were only proven bad through the lens of time? 

Don shared with us a simple example. 

We decide we need groceries and we head to the store. Something we do all the time and a great decision, right?  But this one time, on the way to the store a drunk driver runs into our car.  Something that is random and unpredictable. Most of us will probably start to question ourselves, what if I had stopped for coffee first on the way?  We start to blame ourselves and beat ourselves up over it.  Let’s face it, we do not know the future. We are more like TV weather people who think we know what will happen tomorrow. But we don’t. 

Don shared that every so often in our group we talk about finding and being our authentic selves.  But what about our past selves?  Could that self of the past be a different authentic self to the one that is here today, our present self?  For most of us that would be true. 

Are you the same person you were 10 years ago?  Most likely not. Our wants, needs and values change over time.  If you’re beating yourself up over a decision that you made in the past, do you think maybe your past self was making the best decision for you at that time?  Maybe our current self should quit beating up our past self and move on.  The past is the past and we can’t change it.  We need to learn from it and move on.  It’s time to flip that calendar to February 3rd. 

3) Our Future selves…..so how do you get to tomorrow?  What does February 3rd look like?  What do you really want out of life?  Stepping out the door into tomorrow can sometimes be scary.  You can promise yourself to continue to come to group looking for a better life. Continue to try and envision your future self. We have no control of how many tomorrows we may have.  We begin to realize that if we don’t go for our dreams today, we may not have all the tomorrows we need to get where we want to be. 

Tell yourself “Today is the day”  Today has to be the day. Tell yourself today is the day to move towards your future self.  Be brave, and try not to waste a minute , because there is no greater treasure than time. And wasting it by being stuck in your present self rather than trying to get where you want to be us not acceptable for any of us.  The story of your life is much bigger than you think.  Be brave!

This past Thursday, I shared with our group my presentation on “ Effective Goal Setting for Your Mental Health “

My goal is to always learn something new from my own presentations, and I do hope to get more exercise in my routine in the coming year.

Most of the time when we think about setting goals, a lot of us think about setting new goals of losing more weight, or maybe even promising ourselves to exercise more. Or maybe you feel like you need to eat more healthy? These are all worthwhile goals to achieve, and are all part of what it means to set new goals to benefit our own mental health. There are many ways in which we can choose goals that will benefit our mental health. We need to start by thinking about what it is about our mental health we want to change. I know for me personally, I know I need to focus on getting more exercise in the new year, which will also help benefit my mental health by making me feel better afterwards. I know that a New Years goal of exercising more is cliché, but it’s definitely one of my current goals. Exercise is known to help reduce our anxiety and may also help boost dopamine levels. If I could just remember these things when I am feeling unmotivated. 😄 

      When I took my training to work as a Peer Support, I also learned about setting SMART goals. The acronym “SMART” means that a goal is specific, measurable, attainable, relevant and time-bound. I’m sure that maybe some of you have heard this term before, however for those of you that are unfamiliar with this tool, it is quite valuable. 

 So, let’s break this down a little bit.  Below are brief descriptions of each part of the SMART acronyms;  

1) SPECIFIC    So, let’s say when it comes to my goal of getting more exercise, I know that it’s something I want and need to do. So instead of stating that “ I want to exercise more” Maybe I can start by stating “ I want to exercise by walking three times a week “

 2) MEASURABLE    We need to be able to somehow track our goal’s progress, that way we know when we’ve met our goal. Calendars, phone apps and journaling are all different ways we can track our goals. So for example, if I am trying to exercise more by walking, maybe I can start by walking 25 minutes a day, three times per week. Now I used to walk for 45 minutes at a time, about three times a week, so I know this is doable. I think I will try using a calendar to track my progress, and also share with my best friend my plan to walk more. The combination of these two may hold me more accountable. 

 3) ATTAINABLE    If you have a goal that may seem too big, it may be helpful to take your large goals and break them down into smaller goals. It’s good to have ambitious goals, but not ones that are impossible. It’s smart to choose a goal that you are confident you can achieve. Getting back to my goal of exercising more, I know in the not too distant past, I was good about making sure I went for a long walk at least three times a week. Try and think about whether or not you have the support and resources you may need to achieve your goal. Now I know for sure I have the support in my life through friends and family, when needed. If I were to tell one of my best friends that I have a goal to start walking more, they would definitely hold me accountable.

4) RELEVANT    So, does your new goal and the steps needed to achieve your goal matter to you? Maybe if you’re not feeling motivated to achieve your goal, you can try talking with your therapist about it? Your goal should feel important to you. Are you inspired to reach your goal? Sometimes we may have to reframe our goal to make it more inspiring for us. For example, I know deep down that exercise would benefit me both physically and mentally. But maybe those benefits aren’t enough to keep me motivated. It might help me to think how exercising will help to lower my blood pressure, and possibly help with stress and anxiety levels. Plus, if I were to lose weight it would probably help to boost my self esteem. 

 5) TIME BOUND    Finally, you will need to create a timeline for when you want to meet your goals. For example, if I want to achieve a goal of walking three times a week, for at least 30 minutes each time, then I might give myself one month to meet this goal.

So after all this talk about me meeting my own personal goal of getting more exercise, think a little bit about how you could apply the SMART acronym to your life.  Are there any new goals in your life where you think the SMART acronym might come in handy? 

     As I mentioned briefly earlier, I personally feel it’s a really good idea to have at least one friend or family member who will hold you accountable for your personal goals. Just one is all you need. This way if you ever have a day when you’re really not feeling motivated, they may just be the one person that gives you that much needed push. It’s also smart to write down your goals, and refer to them often. Try not to set yourself up for failure by taking on too much, and reaching for a goal you know you may not be able to reach. Be realistic about what your expectations are, as you may have to end up changing behaviors and some of your habits. Try to remember your goals have to be meaningful to you. And good luck with whatever goals you may have set for 2025!

This last Thursday, our friend Crystal shared with her presentation on “Waiting “

Crystal shared with us her thoughts on the uncertainty in life we all encounter every day.  And how we tend to frequently wait for many things, situations that provide us both long term and short term waiting times. 

Crystal spoke of the uncertainty of her last year in college, and of the long wait for it to be over with, so she could move on and get a job in the field she had studied. 

There are different waiting times for everything. A short waiting time could be anywhere from 30 minutes to less than a day.  If Crystal is experiencing a short waiting period, she may play a game on her phone.  Or if waiting in your car, you could always start cleaning your car while you wait. A lot of double checking may happen if you happen to show up early for an event.  If you’re waiting to go inside a building for an appointment, you can always go in early and begin conversation with others in the waiting room. Who knows you may make a new friend? 

There is also long term waiting, which would be anything longer than a day. Crystal shared that it was a long wait for her last year when she was waiting to graduate from college. If you’re waiting for a long time for an event to happen, you could always take up journaling to fill your spare time. It’s always important to have a go to, or something scheduled for a specific time in your day.  Having structure in your life is so important for all of us. Maybe you could even start a new hobby?  

This past Thursday, Don shared with us his recent presentation entitled 

“ Putting 2024 in the Rearview Mirror “

He began by talking a bit about Times Square, the iconic location in New York City that every year at this time signifies the beginning of the new year. 

This is that time of year once again when most of us think about making New Year’s Resolutions.  

If you want to make changes in your life, New Years resolutions are a good place to start. But we really need to do more. This is a good time to reflect on the past year. Every week at DBSA on Thursdays, we celebrate each other’s triumphs. But when we think about the past year, what for you went right?  What went wrong?  Don shared a good way to see what was good or bad, is by reviewing the photos on your phone from the past year. This may shed some light. 

Don also gave us a great list of questions we can ask ourselves.

1) when you think back on the past year, what are you most proud of?

2) What surprised you during the past year? 

3) what worked well over the past year?

4) what was challenging or disappointing?

5) what were your most meaningful moments of the year?

6) where did you fail?

7) what did you do that you have never done before?

8) compared to this time last year, do you feel the same?

9) what do you wish you did more of?

10) what do you wish you did less of?

11) what kept you sane?

12) what life lessons did you learn this past year?

13) what was your biggest triumph?

14) what was the smartest decision you made?

15) how did you see yourself grow this year?

16) what was the biggest risk you took in 2024?

17) what is your biggest piece of unfinished business?

18) what do you want to do more in 2025?

Regardless of how 2024 went for you, what do you need to work on in 2025?

Don encouraged us to take action on the changes we want rather than just talk about it. Changes can be scary, but try to break out of your self-imposed cage and do better!  Do what you know deep down in your heart you need to do. Why even wait one second more to do what is good for you? 

This past Thursday, I shared my most recent presentation “ Friends, Family and your Mental Health “

I know it’s really important to me that the people in my life, my family and friends, understand my mental health challenges, or hopefully they at least are willing to try. And I am sure a lot of you may feel the same way. And if you have friends or family that are possibly blaming you for your illness or making thoughtless comments towards you, that can be very uncomfortable and maybe even triggering for you. When we find out that the people in our lives who should be our greatest supporters aren’t really there for us, there are some things we can do to find the support .

     First you have to accept that there may be a reason behind someone’s feelings that has nothing to do with you. Your friend or family member may 

Not be able to support you, as they may be experiencing their own mental health challenges.  I myself have noticed a little bit of anxiety going on with some of my own friends and family members! 

     Maybe one of the best ways we can find the support we need is to start with ourselves. We really need to become our own cheerleader. It’s important that we learn to become our own greatest supporter. We should practice being kind to ourselves, and keep our own self-talk more positive. We need to remember to try and treat ourselves with more kindness and gentleness. Pay close attention to that inner voice and what it’s saying about you. Remember to talk with yourself in a positive tone. For example if our self-talk tends to be negative, we might be creating more stress and anxiety for ourselves, which may only worsen our symptoms. Try and keep your self talk more positive. Remember negativity only feeds our depression and anxiety.

Look for Other Sources of Support…..

     If we start to realize that friends and family aren’t giving us the support you need, we have to consider looking for others who are able to support us. Consider joining a support group, such as DBSA or NAMI. 

     I remember almost six years ago when I first started coming to DBSA, I wasn’t sure what to expect on my first visit.  And gratefully, DBSA is probably my biggest source of support to this day. 

Things to Remember When Dealing with Unsupportive People 

1)  Not everyone is going to like you, which really has nothing to do with you or your like-ability. 

 2. Our job is NOT to please everyone or to be understood by everyone. 

3) We have to live our life for ourselves , and not for other people. 

4) The one thing I’ve noticed is that the unsupportive people who don’t “really get me“ are often some of my own family and friends. Some people ( and maybe even our own family members) may just not be able to be supportive of you in the path we are walking. We may need to take some time to help them understand us more. Try and be authentic, and share with them what you’re about and what’s important to you. After sharing with them, try and let go of that need for them to understand. If your friends and family still can’t support you, this is where our valued support groups play an important role, and it also shows why our support groups are so important. Sometimes we have to go outside the ones we most love in order to find the love we need right now! 

5) Never ask of someone more than they can give , most of the time others will have a perspective of life that may be very different than our own. This can be because of how they were raised, and may affect how they advise and support you and others. You may need something that is beyond their ability to give you. Try and acknowledge this and focus on your own path forward. 

6) Always focus on What you CAN Control…..In dealing with the challenges that come from dealing with difficult people, always focus on what you CAN control, not what you can’t control. If you’re focusing on what someone else should be doing ( such as supporting you ) that can be something you can’t control, and a waste of your energy. Your time and energy are precious and we should be focusing more on what we can control, ourselves! 

     So trust your intuition and follow your desired path! When it comes to making heart-felt decisions regarding your own goals and dreams, you really don’t need to explain those decisions to anyone. Learn to go with what’s in your gut to be right for you, it’s called your intuition! Intuition can be a great tool to get through life, if we remember to trust and use it. What we can do is take the emotional pain of not being understood by friends, family, or others, and use it as a fuel to live in our truth, and help create the goals and dreams that are meaningful to us. Try showing yourself you can do it, no matter what! Remember there is only one voice to listen to, and that is our own.

Steve