DBSA Omaha New Hope

This past Thursday, I shared with our group my presentation on “ Effective Goal Setting for Your Mental Health “

My goal is to always learn something new from my own presentations, and I do hope to get more exercise in my routine in the coming year.

Most of the time when we think about setting goals, a lot of us think about setting new goals of losing more weight, or maybe even promising ourselves to exercise more. Or maybe you feel like you need to eat more healthy? These are all worthwhile goals to achieve, and are all part of what it means to set new goals to benefit our own mental health. There are many ways in which we can choose goals that will benefit our mental health. We need to start by thinking about what it is about our mental health we want to change. I know for me personally, I know I need to focus on getting more exercise in the new year, which will also help benefit my mental health by making me feel better afterwards. I know that a New Years goal of exercising more is cliché, but it’s definitely one of my current goals. Exercise is known to help reduce our anxiety and may also help boost dopamine levels. If I could just remember these things when I am feeling unmotivated. 😄 

      When I took my training to work as a Peer Support, I also learned about setting SMART goals. The acronym “SMART” means that a goal is specific, measurable, attainable, relevant and time-bound. I’m sure that maybe some of you have heard this term before, however for those of you that are unfamiliar with this tool, it is quite valuable. 

 So, let’s break this down a little bit.  Below are brief descriptions of each part of the SMART acronyms;  

1) SPECIFIC    So, let’s say when it comes to my goal of getting more exercise, I know that it’s something I want and need to do. So instead of stating that “ I want to exercise more” Maybe I can start by stating “ I want to exercise by walking three times a week “

 2) MEASURABLE    We need to be able to somehow track our goal’s progress, that way we know when we’ve met our goal. Calendars, phone apps and journaling are all different ways we can track our goals. So for example, if I am trying to exercise more by walking, maybe I can start by walking 25 minutes a day, three times per week. Now I used to walk for 45 minutes at a time, about three times a week, so I know this is doable. I think I will try using a calendar to track my progress, and also share with my best friend my plan to walk more. The combination of these two may hold me more accountable. 

 3) ATTAINABLE    If you have a goal that may seem too big, it may be helpful to take your large goals and break them down into smaller goals. It’s good to have ambitious goals, but not ones that are impossible. It’s smart to choose a goal that you are confident you can achieve. Getting back to my goal of exercising more, I know in the not too distant past, I was good about making sure I went for a long walk at least three times a week. Try and think about whether or not you have the support and resources you may need to achieve your goal. Now I know for sure I have the support in my life through friends and family, when needed. If I were to tell one of my best friends that I have a goal to start walking more, they would definitely hold me accountable.

4) RELEVANT    So, does your new goal and the steps needed to achieve your goal matter to you? Maybe if you’re not feeling motivated to achieve your goal, you can try talking with your therapist about it? Your goal should feel important to you. Are you inspired to reach your goal? Sometimes we may have to reframe our goal to make it more inspiring for us. For example, I know deep down that exercise would benefit me both physically and mentally. But maybe those benefits aren’t enough to keep me motivated. It might help me to think how exercising will help to lower my blood pressure, and possibly help with stress and anxiety levels. Plus, if I were to lose weight it would probably help to boost my self esteem. 

 5) TIME BOUND    Finally, you will need to create a timeline for when you want to meet your goals. For example, if I want to achieve a goal of walking three times a week, for at least 30 minutes each time, then I might give myself one month to meet this goal.

So after all this talk about me meeting my own personal goal of getting more exercise, think a little bit about how you could apply the SMART acronym to your life.  Are there any new goals in your life where you think the SMART acronym might come in handy? 

     As I mentioned briefly earlier, I personally feel it’s a really good idea to have at least one friend or family member who will hold you accountable for your personal goals. Just one is all you need. This way if you ever have a day when you’re really not feeling motivated, they may just be the one person that gives you that much needed push. It’s also smart to write down your goals, and refer to them often. Try not to set yourself up for failure by taking on too much, and reaching for a goal you know you may not be able to reach. Be realistic about what your expectations are, as you may have to end up changing behaviors and some of your habits. Try to remember your goals have to be meaningful to you. And good luck with whatever goals you may have set for 2025!

This last Thursday, our friend Crystal shared with her presentation on “Waiting “

Crystal shared with us her thoughts on the uncertainty in life we all encounter every day.  And how we tend to frequently wait for many things, situations that provide us both long term and short term waiting times. 

Crystal spoke of the uncertainty of her last year in college, and of the long wait for it to be over with, so she could move on and get a job in the field she had studied. 

There are different waiting times for everything. A short waiting time could be anywhere from 30 minutes to less than a day.  If Crystal is experiencing a short waiting period, she may play a game on her phone.  Or if waiting in your car, you could always start cleaning your car while you wait. A lot of double checking may happen if you happen to show up early for an event.  If you’re waiting to go inside a building for an appointment, you can always go in early and begin conversation with others in the waiting room. Who knows you may make a new friend? 

There is also long term waiting, which would be anything longer than a day. Crystal shared that it was a long wait for her last year when she was waiting to graduate from college. If you’re waiting for a long time for an event to happen, you could always take up journaling to fill your spare time. It’s always important to have a go to, or something scheduled for a specific time in your day.  Having structure in your life is so important for all of us. Maybe you could even start a new hobby?  

This past Thursday, Don shared with us his recent presentation entitled 

“ Putting 2024 in the Rearview Mirror “

He began by talking a bit about Times Square, the iconic location in New York City that every year at this time signifies the beginning of the new year. 

This is that time of year once again when most of us think about making New Year’s Resolutions.  

If you want to make changes in your life, New Years resolutions are a good place to start. But we really need to do more. This is a good time to reflect on the past year. Every week at DBSA on Thursdays, we celebrate each other’s triumphs. But when we think about the past year, what for you went right?  What went wrong?  Don shared a good way to see what was good or bad, is by reviewing the photos on your phone from the past year. This may shed some light. 

Don also gave us a great list of questions we can ask ourselves.

1) when you think back on the past year, what are you most proud of?

2) What surprised you during the past year? 

3) what worked well over the past year?

4) what was challenging or disappointing?

5) what were your most meaningful moments of the year?

6) where did you fail?

7) what did you do that you have never done before?

8) compared to this time last year, do you feel the same?

9) what do you wish you did more of?

10) what do you wish you did less of?

11) what kept you sane?

12) what life lessons did you learn this past year?

13) what was your biggest triumph?

14) what was the smartest decision you made?

15) how did you see yourself grow this year?

16) what was the biggest risk you took in 2024?

17) what is your biggest piece of unfinished business?

18) what do you want to do more in 2025?

Regardless of how 2024 went for you, what do you need to work on in 2025?

Don encouraged us to take action on the changes we want rather than just talk about it. Changes can be scary, but try to break out of your self-imposed cage and do better!  Do what you know deep down in your heart you need to do. Why even wait one second more to do what is good for you? 

This past Thursday, I shared my most recent presentation “ Friends, Family and your Mental Health “

I know it’s really important to me that the people in my life, my family and friends, understand my mental health challenges, or hopefully they at least are willing to try. And I am sure a lot of you may feel the same way. And if you have friends or family that are possibly blaming you for your illness or making thoughtless comments towards you, that can be very uncomfortable and maybe even triggering for you. When we find out that the people in our lives who should be our greatest supporters aren’t really there for us, there are some things we can do to find the support .

     First you have to accept that there may be a reason behind someone’s feelings that has nothing to do with you. Your friend or family member may 

Not be able to support you, as they may be experiencing their own mental health challenges.  I myself have noticed a little bit of anxiety going on with some of my own friends and family members! 

     Maybe one of the best ways we can find the support we need is to start with ourselves. We really need to become our own cheerleader. It’s important that we learn to become our own greatest supporter. We should practice being kind to ourselves, and keep our own self-talk more positive. We need to remember to try and treat ourselves with more kindness and gentleness. Pay close attention to that inner voice and what it’s saying about you. Remember to talk with yourself in a positive tone. For example if our self-talk tends to be negative, we might be creating more stress and anxiety for ourselves, which may only worsen our symptoms. Try and keep your self talk more positive. Remember negativity only feeds our depression and anxiety.

Look for Other Sources of Support…..

     If we start to realize that friends and family aren’t giving us the support you need, we have to consider looking for others who are able to support us. Consider joining a support group, such as DBSA or NAMI. 

     I remember almost six years ago when I first started coming to DBSA, I wasn’t sure what to expect on my first visit.  And gratefully, DBSA is probably my biggest source of support to this day. 

Things to Remember When Dealing with Unsupportive People 

1)  Not everyone is going to like you, which really has nothing to do with you or your like-ability. 

 2. Our job is NOT to please everyone or to be understood by everyone. 

3) We have to live our life for ourselves , and not for other people. 

4) The one thing I’ve noticed is that the unsupportive people who don’t “really get me“ are often some of my own family and friends. Some people ( and maybe even our own family members) may just not be able to be supportive of you in the path we are walking. We may need to take some time to help them understand us more. Try and be authentic, and share with them what you’re about and what’s important to you. After sharing with them, try and let go of that need for them to understand. If your friends and family still can’t support you, this is where our valued support groups play an important role, and it also shows why our support groups are so important. Sometimes we have to go outside the ones we most love in order to find the love we need right now! 

5) Never ask of someone more than they can give , most of the time others will have a perspective of life that may be very different than our own. This can be because of how they were raised, and may affect how they advise and support you and others. You may need something that is beyond their ability to give you. Try and acknowledge this and focus on your own path forward. 

6) Always focus on What you CAN Control…..In dealing with the challenges that come from dealing with difficult people, always focus on what you CAN control, not what you can’t control. If you’re focusing on what someone else should be doing ( such as supporting you ) that can be something you can’t control, and a waste of your energy. Your time and energy are precious and we should be focusing more on what we can control, ourselves! 

     So trust your intuition and follow your desired path! When it comes to making heart-felt decisions regarding your own goals and dreams, you really don’t need to explain those decisions to anyone. Learn to go with what’s in your gut to be right for you, it’s called your intuition! Intuition can be a great tool to get through life, if we remember to trust and use it. What we can do is take the emotional pain of not being understood by friends, family, or others, and use it as a fuel to live in our truth, and help create the goals and dreams that are meaningful to us. Try showing yourself you can do it, no matter what! Remember there is only one voice to listen to, and that is our own.

Steve

This last Thursday, Miriam shared with us her most recent presentation ” Holiday Blues”

Miriam began by talking about what is sold to us on TV or online during the holiday time of year. People are usually portrayed as being happy families, and all dressed in matching Christmas sweaters and having a wonderful time. And these portrayals can set up the ” perfect Christmas” expectations.  But sometimes there can be certain things about the holidays that can maybe stress us out. 

Traveling during the holidays can stress us out, sometimes certain family members can stress us out when we have to be around them.  You may have that toxic relative who triggers those bad memories for you. And sometimes there are unhappy memories surrounding the holidays. Even if most of your holidays have been happy times, it only takes one holiday where you have a bad experience to cause some not so pleasant holidays for a few years after. Over time some things do change, and some holiday traditions may stay the same. Maybe some of these holiday traditions are just too boring for you!

And during the holidays we may have lower emotional defenses, maybe too worn out from all of the preparation in things to do to get ready for the holidays. 

So, what can we do to navigate the sometimes stressful holiday season?  If you are at a holiday dinner or party, and you know it’s an occasion that you may not enjoy, you need to plan your exit strategy. 

If while at a party, you are in a conversation with someone who is making you feel totally uncomfortable, politely excuse yourself to go use the restroom. And then when going to the restroom, quietly sneak out of the party and head home. 

And another thought might be, what would things look like if you didn’t do the expected? Maybe it’s time for you to set some boundaries. Remember you don’t have to do things that make you feel uncomfortable. 

Or maybe try making a pros and cons list when it comes to attending that holiday office party or dinner party. Try and challenge your position! What would it look like if you didn’t stay with the routine? Think more about the things that you feel you have to do. Do you really need to do these things? 

What is your Locus of Control? ( the extent to which you feel you have control over events that impact your life)

You will need to decide what you can and can’t control. And don’t expect a miracle! If you have a certain friend or family member that maybe drinks too much every year at your holiday gathering, then you’re probably not going to be able to change that. Just focus on your own state of mind and don’t overdo things. Just decide on your own limits and stick to them. Don’t worry too much about how things should be. Just look at how it is.

And remember, don’t drink too much over the holidays, and have a snack before one of those big holiday meals. That way you don’t overindulge and eat too much! And try and get some exercise. And if you’re feeling depressed, reach out to a friend or family member, and don’t isolate too much.  And learn to do something for yourself, for at least 15 minutes. And try to set some realistic expectations for the holidays. And most of all,enjoy yourself! 

This last Thursday, Don shared with us his presentation entitled, ” Processing Loss”

Don shared that the topic of loss was most on his mind lately. Recently Grizzly bear 399, the friendliest of grizzly bears, who was also known as ” Queen of the Tetons”, was killed in a car accident not too far from Grand Teton national park. 

    So, with sadness on his mind, Don decided to share with us his topic of loss. When it comes to loss, we have all experienced loss in some sort of way. Some big and some small, with loss you may lose your way and your purpose. 

We can lose a friend or family member to loss. Romance, normalcy, health, freedom, job, or our way of life are some other things we may lose. Sometimes loss can feel like being punched in the stomach. Or maybe receiving that life changing call or text. With loss we may feel like we are in a constant state of check. We may experience brain fog, slow reflexes, anger, isolation or despair. It may also bring anxiety or depression to a higher level. 

     If you are trying to remain strong during the loss you are experiencing, it does not mean avoiding your feelings. Returning to normal may happen quickly, or it may take awhile. 

  Don went on to talk about the five stages of grief.  They are:

1) Denial…..we may find ourselves in denial when facing the death of a loved one or maybe even with the loss of a job. We may attempt to pretend the loss doesn’t exist. This is only a temporary response to grief. 

2) Anger…..Feeling intense anger due to your loss may surprise you, but it’s not uncommon. You may feel angry at life itself. And you may start to feel guilty for being angry.  Being angry for a short time might be your way of handling your loss.

3) Bargaining…..the bargaining stage helps you hold on to hope. This is the least rational stage, and you may deal with the what if’s and if only. Feelings of helplessness may bring on this bargaining. It is common during this stage to recall times when we may have said something we didn’t mean to say.

4) Depression…..we slowly start to look at the reality of the loss. We may find ourselves leaving the country for a vacation, or reaching out less often.

5) Acceptance…this stage is when you’re not okay about being okay with what happened. This is more about how you acknowledge the loss.

     So, how do we help ourselves get through the loss?  You may find yourself asking am I doing it ( grieving ) wrong? 

It’s important to remember that there is no correct way to grieve. It’s not about a set list of steps in how to grieve. During your grief you may feel more irritable than sad. Your healing experience is unique and uniquely your own! Or you might be thinking that my stages of grief are not in the right order. Don’t forget some may navigate grief in a few days, and some may take longer. There is no set way to grieve, and no set amount of time to grieve. 

    Most of what you are going through is temporary, and most of grief is short term. Don’t try to treat your grief with alcohol, drugs, or extreme shopping, Just do your best to keep it together, Stay focused, drink lots of water, get plenty of sleep and try to eat healthy. 

     No one is truly lost. You will still have memories of those you have lost. Remember you will be okay!

This past Thursday, Carolyn shared with us her presentation entitled “ Why Fly to the Moon? “ 

She shared some thoughts about astronaut Neil Armstrong. At one point, Neil was asked why he wanted to go the moon. Neil answered by saying by going to the moon, he thought he may have a different perspective of the the earth. 

Sometimes we all need a different vantage point to see things differently. 

     If for some reason you lose your passion in life, you may have to work hard and fight to get it back. You also may need to be more adventurous to have that passion again. So, if you end up losing your passion for something, what do you think happened to make you lose interest?  The important thing is that you get going again and to get motivated to get your passion back. 

     Carolyn shared with us that she is very interested in trying to find something she can say to help you get your interest back. Maybe you feel you are too old to try something new?  It doesn’t matter, you can still achieve something new you want to accomplish. When you start exploring your options, you will open other doors. And remember anything worth having is worth going after. And there are not set ways of doing something.  How will you know if you can or can’t achieve something unless you give it a try? 

     Carolyn said she is becoming her new way by coming to our group every Thursday. She has even begun teaching herself how to play the guitar! When you get out of your comfort zone, and try something different, you can heal yourself with dedication and hard work. And making changes does not have to be painful. As you free yourself, you will begin to heal. If you want change in your life, you must do the changing. Are you willing to change? 

     You may need to let go of some of your old thoughts. Remember what we think about ourselves and the world is what we may become. Whatever beliefs you have may become true for you. We can learn to change our attitudes about things that happened to us in the past. And if needed, only we can change ourselves in order to move forward. 

This past Thursday, Grace shared with us her presentation on OCD ( Obsessive compulsive disorder)

She shared that she has moderate to severe OCD. Grace first started experiencing OCD symptoms during her first or second year of high school, and she wasn’t officially diagnosed until about a year ago. In the beginning of her OCD, she was seeing a therapist, and had been making some good progress. And then Covid hit us, and all of her progress was soon interrupted. 

So, some basics about OCD. It’s what it sounds like; a disorder characterized by obsessions and compulsions. These obsessions and compulsions are excessive and can interfere with a person’s day to day life and cause distress. These obsessions are usually unwanted recurring thoughts or urges, and may cause feelings such as anger, guilt, or fear. Some common ones involve contamination, symmetry, or harm coming to one’s self or others. Compulsions are repetitive actions that a person feels driven to perform. Compulsions can involve anything. Some examples include repeating certain phrases in your head, washing hands, checking things like locks or the stove, or seeking reassurance. 

OCD at one time was considered an anxiety disorder, but now falls under the category of obsessive compulsive and related disorders. People with OCD seek to neutralize their obsessions with compulsions. Although it is very common, anxiety is not a necessary part of OCD. It can be driven by other forms of distress such as disgust, guilt, or uncomfortableness. These obsessions and compulsions can involve anything. Having more than one type of OCD is not uncommon. 

Some types are:

Relationship OCD…A person with relationship OCD may fear that they are not with the right partner or that their partner may leave them. They may look inline to see if they should be with their partner, and ask their partner for reassurance.

Contamination OCD…a person with contamination OCD may obsess over germs and contamination, They may fear getting or spreading illnesses. They may constantly wash their hands, shower and clean things.

Checking OCD,..a person with checking OCD may fear that something bad happened or will happen to themselves or to someone else. They may repeatedly check things physically or mentally. 

Purely obsessional OCD…involves obsessions and compulsions that are purely mental and that cannot be seen.

OCD can be assessed with the Yale-Brown Obsessive Compulsive scale. This scale assesses many different obsessions and compulsions. It rates how often they are experienced, how much they interfere with daily life, how much distress they may cause, and how much control a person has over them.

OCD can develop when a person feels like they have a lack of control in their life. They may feel that their obsessions allow them to have control over things, despite many people being unable to control their symptoms. Someone may be more likely to develop OCD if they have a family history of OCD or other mental disorders or have had traumatic and stressful life events.

The therapy typically used for OCD is exposure therapy. This is a type of cognitive behavioral therapy that is used to reduce distress by having the person gradually and safely exposed to their obsession. They would learn techniques to handle distress and not give in to their compulsions. Exposure therapy can also involve things like vividly imagining the subject or triggering physical reactions to deal with the response. Different types of antidepressants are the medications typically used to treat OCD.

Many thanks to Grace for sharing her very helpful and informative presentation with us.

A job well done!

This past Thursday, I shared my most recent presentation entitled “Self-compassion With no Limits “

            When it comes to our own self-compassion, it may truly be one of the most important parts of our personal mental health. When we are in a place where we are struggling and or spiraling, it’s usually our own self compassion that is suffering. When we are feeling unworthy, we may not always have a clear and positive view of ourselves, even though each one of us have very special and unique qualities. I know when I am experiencing a rough patch, the best thing for me to do is to be around friends and family who appreciate me for who I am, and realize what great qualities I possess. When you are in a bad place, try to remember that the way you talk to yourself really matters. Learn to talk to yourself more with kindness. We also should try and recognize the effects of negative self talk and of treating yourself badly. If you are a person who appreciates a good hug, try and receive and give hugs when you are in a bad way. Just the act of physical touch can help us to feel better when we’re being hard on ourselves. Sometimes we have to be open to the pain we are experiencing, but at the same we shouldn’t shame ourselves for feeling badly. Maybe also reminding ourselves that suffering is a part of life, and part of being human. And it’s not unusual to feel this way.

             Benefits of Self-compassion….. So, what are some of the benefits of self-compassion? 

1) self-compassion will help reduce anxiety, depression and stress, and may help reduce your PTSD symptoms.

2)  Can help you mentally and physically. 

3) It feels good to be kind to ourselves and others. 

4) When you have a compassionate mindset, it can effect you and those around you in a positive way.

Kindness Letter….. One of the helpful things you can do to increase your own self-compassion, is to write yourself a “ kindness letter “. This is a letter you can write to yourself, to help you get through the tough times. Benefits of a kindness letter: 

 – a kindness letter can help you stay on track. 

-a kindness letter will help you feel better when you are down, or at your worst.

– And it can be a pep talk to yourself! 

     I have to tell you that I really love this idea of writing a kindness letter to ourselves. So, I felt I would try to set an example for you by writing my own kindness letter to myself, which I would like to share with you all my example below;

    Hi Steve, I know you are having a really tough time with things in your life right now. But try to remember that all people tend to struggle now and then, even though others may appear to always “ have it together “. Things are not always as they may seem ! All of us are imperfect souls, trying to make our way through life’s ups and downs the best we can. Just try to remember you can’t always meet the high expectations of others, nor should you give yourself the burden to do so. Please don’t forget how far you have come on your own wellness journey! Remember when about five years ago you were really, really struggling just to make it through each day? These days you are living your best life, you are thriving and giving back to the community, while earning the respect and admiration of others every day! Your family and friends see you as a loving and caring person, with a willingness to support and nurture others when they need it. Be sure and show yourself the same kindness, empathy and respect you so willingly give to others. 

After all, don’t you feel you are just as worthy of your own kindness? Remember, you have all of those self-care tools in your toolbox to help get you through the hard times. And don’t be afraid to reach out to your family and friends when you need them. They are there to support you! 

 My best to you my friend, Hugs, Steve

     I personally felt really good about writing my own kindness letter. I was amazed at how easily the words flowed when I began to write. Even though I wasn’t really struggling when I wrote it, I can see where my letter would be a good source of support for those times when I really do need it. In closing, when thinking about what I wanted to talk about tonight, I knew that I wanted to write a little bit about self-compassion. I know that when I have times when I feel like I’m beginning to struggle, it’s during those times that I tend to be just a little bit too hard on myself. I know that self-compassion is an area where I continue to struggle and grow as well. If you are having a bad day, or even just a bad few hours, try to learn to be kind to yourself in the moment.

When going through your own self-talk, just remember to use those same kind words that you would use with a good friend that may be in a similar situation. As Miriam always reminds us “ treat yourself just as well as you would treat your own best friend “. Thank you….

This past Thursday, Crystal shared with us her presentation entitled “ Investing in your Mental Health “ 

Crystal shared that for the first two years she attended our support group, she was also in college at the time earning her teaching degree. So, during those days when she was in college, she learned various ways to help her de-stress. She discovered diamond painting during college, which helped her to de-stress. I had never heard of diamond painting before, but I discovered that it usually involves applying hundreds of multi-colored rhinestones on a canvas.  So diamond painting has helped Crystal process her week throughout college and to this day. 

So, have you ever had moments when you were so excited about something in your life, and you share this moment with others, and they just don’t share the same excitement?  I believe we all have. Crystal shared that her family is very conservative with their money, and they have their own ideas about what she should do with her own money. She shared that it’s important and not dumb to spend money on things or hobbies that help with your mental health. 

It’s important to realize that hobbies will help you get through college or while you’re looking for a job. 

Others will always have different feelings about situations. But we should try not to judge others for purchases or investments they make. Sometimes when you share with others that you experience depression, anxiety or bi-polar, it doesn’t quite click with that other person and maybe they just don’t quite understand.

These days, when working as a teacher, Crystal enjoys making a special connection with her students. I also enjoy the connection with others we all experience by just attending our DBSA support group every week. DBSA is such an amazing part of our lives.