DBSA Omaha New Hope

This past Thursday, Miriam shared with us her on behavioral activation.

If we are having challenges with keeping motivated to get something done, maybe we may need to look at it differently. 

It turns out we may need to look at things from the outside in rather than from the inside out.

If we are experiencing low energy and are isolating, we may really be missing out on life.  And this might make us feel sad which can then lead to depression. 

So sit back and take a look at what it is that you are trying to get motivated to accomplish. 

So, think about what happens when our mental health drops.  

What happens to you?   Maybe you quit showering, brushing your teeth, or maybe not eating as well as you should.

How about if you just do one tiny thing to get you motivated? 

If you are having trouble with showering, maybe try just doing a little sponge bath?  Just set your one tiny thing you want to do, and remember to aim low.

And then schedule that one tiny thing and do it!

  So, maybe try and think of five things you are good at.  Even fun things can sometimes be difficult to start.  But ultimately we are trying to break the cycle of avoidance. 

Miriam did talk about the importance of making lists.  I am a big fan of lists, and I do usually have a daily to do list.

The important thing to remember about lists is that you don’t have to complete every single thing on your list for that day.  But as you do complete a task on your list, just remember to cross it off.  You will definitely feel a sense of accomplishment by doing so.

When setting your goal to complete that one tiny thing, just remember to not set the bar too high. 

But when you are making progress, try not to disqualify your success.

And remember true behavioral activation leaves you with comfort.

Forget the mastery and schedule small fun activities.

And one day you may have a mastery at something that not only makes you feel competent, but also makes you feel good about yourself. 

On Thursday June 18, Don shared with us his presentation entitled “ I Believe “

Don began by sharing that we all have our own beliefs.  The truths that Don believes may not be your own beliefs, but these beliefs are true according to Don.  We all have our own sets  of values and beliefs.  And we are the sum of our own beliefs. 

Knowing and living your own beliefs may be difficult, but it is your only way to your true self. And an alignment of your own beliefs will help you get through many of life’s storms. 

Don also had us participate in an exercise about finding your authentic self. He handed out a sheet with a title of “ Fast Values Exercise “ at the top. 

There were approximately 93 choices on this list, and our job was to choose and circle all of the words that most appropriately described us. 

Next we selected 5 or 6 values that you exhibit in everyday life and 5 or 6 that you would like to be a bigger part of your life.

My chosen top five words this year were Family, humour, Spirituality, learning and travel. 

Next came 9 questions to answer.

While probably incomplete, it is a starting point of defining who you are.  And once you know your values, live it.  Be that person.  Quit denying who you really are and embrace all of you.  We are all some percent boring normal, but it is the rest of the story that makes us individuals.

All of this is you, and put together, is your authentic self. Don then explained how his values had put him in conflict with his last couple of jobs, eventually causing an internal rift that was bad enough that he needed to move on to be true to his authentic self, and how his values had steered him into his current job.

He also gave us a list of eight areas of our life, and our job was to give each one a rating anywhere between the numbers 1-10.  The number 10 being the one you feel that you are excelling in at this time of your life, and the number 1 being the one that needs the most work and at the bottom of the score rankings. It’s a great exercise and can tell us a lot about ourselves. We also gave ourselves a letter grade on how well we were doing aligning each area of our life with our authentic self.

The areas were:

Emotions

Fun/Relaxation

Finances

Intelect ( not how smart you are, but what are you learning today/this week/month)

Career

Physical Health

Social Connections

Spiritual Beliefs

In no particular order (don’t overthink this!)

Deb

Miriam

Kirk

Haley

Steve

Crystal

Justin

Corey

Kristina

Associate Board Members

Sherri

Kayla

See you all Tomorrow at 10am at Christ Community Church!

This last Thursday, Miriam shared with her discussion on the topic of rest.

She reminded us that we don’t have to earn our mental rest, and that we all deserve it.

She also talked about how we all get involved in mindless scrolling on our phones or tablets, and how at the end of the day we may end up with lots of open tabs.

So, out of all the tabs you have open in your brain, which ones would you like to X out?

She spoke of mental exhaustion and how we may not always know how to shut it down.  Have you ever felt like you have so much to do that you don’t know where to start? 

Since fatigue might be mental as well as physical, she discussed the four different kinds of mental health rest.

1) Mental rest

2) Sensory rest…taking a break from phones, music and traffic.

3) Emotional rest…creating a space to take off your mask and quit pretending that you’re okay.

4) Social rest…you may have relationships in your life that drain you versus supporting you.  Sometimes you just might be peopled out.

Scrolling on our phones isn’t considered active rest.  Active rest is tiny low energy sources that don’t actively drain you. 

Try texting a close friend who you know doesn’t mentally drain you.

And maybe ask yourself, do you have enough mental energy to finish your day?

And consider rewriting your definition of a successful day. That may not necessarily be a day where you check off every item on your list.

And most importantly remember that your worth is independent of your productivity! 

On Thursday of this last week, Justin shared with us his presentation entitled “ Momentum “

He shared with us a definition of momentum, which can be when you are taking action beginning from a point of action.   It’s important to focus on the beginning.  One of the best ways to start your own momentum is to write it down.  Try and make a list of the pros and cons of something that you want to start.   Write down something that you want to start.

Justin then asked a question for the group.  Have you ever come to group tense?  

It was at this point of his presentation that he asked us to close our eyes, and focus on our breathing.  While soft music played in the background, we all experienced a brief but very relaxing meditation.  It was a wonderful feeling!

In order to have momentum you must also have some motivation.  

What is motivation?  It can be an internal state that affects the why of why we want to do something.  And we have to understand what motivates us. 

And it also requires a commitment, and dedicating yourself to something that will keep you obligated.   If you’re starting something new, try sharing it with at least one person who will hold you accountable.   If you become inspired to start something new, just remember that the inspiration may not last and you will need that commitment to keep you going. 

Our new board will be announced at our meeting Thursday June 11th.

Thanks to everyone who voted, your voice does make a difference!

There are a couple of names not on the ballot that you may expect to see there. DBSA national does not allow more than one person from a household to be on the board, therefore as non board members but appointed positions:

Todd will remain as Board recording secretary.

Don will remain as education chair, webmaster, and Co-advisor.

These positions will be confirmed or rejected by the new board.

To most of of us, the grass always looks greener on the other side.

When we you are speaking of that green grass, you might be referring to their career or maybe their life in general. 

But it’s about stewardship of what you already have.  And remember we need to create our own happiness.  Actually the grass is not always greener on the other side.  For example when planting a tree, the best time to plant a tree was twenty years ago.  And the second best time is now.

And when we are struggling with our mental health, at that point maybe the grass is not greener.  And if you find yourself comparing your life to others, remember comparison is the thief of your joy.

You may need to lower your expectations.  When it comes to relationships, your current relationships require some nurturing.  You may need to do some work on and improving of your current relationships. 

Learn to live in the present.  And do something to make changes if you’re not happy with the current situation.  If you’re in a relationship that’s not working, maybe you need to think about ending that relationship. 

And think about reframing any negative self talk that you may have. 

And if you feel you are too busy or are overwhelmed with your life, it may be time for some boundary setting.  When it comes to social obligations, learn to say no if it’s too much for you. Don’t push yourself too hard.

And learn to embrace the seasons of your life.  Even though our grass may be brown today, it will be green again.

To plant a garden is to believe in tomorrow. 

Last week, Don shared with us his presentation entitled “ A Long Time Ago at a DBSA Meeting Far, Far Away. “ 

Love the title!

Don brought with him various Star Wars bears that he and Miriam have collected over the years.

Don did share with us that he is a bit of a Star Wars freak and huge fan. 

I have to admit I am a big fan as well.  When it comes to the story telling in Star Wars, most of the spiritual reality in the movie is based on all religions, and the story telling is also built on a rich moral code.

The ever popular character of Yoda is the moral center of the story.  And Yoda was also the philosopher of the movie.  

In the movie the students or learners are also referred to as “ Padawans”

We are all Padawans, and using the force in everyday life.

How many of us deal with negative thoughts.  But when you start out with a negative thought, how can you proceed?

Remember your strength flows from your self-belief.  And you must believe in yourself to succeed.  If you don’t believe in yourself, why should anyone else?

Don shared one of Yoda’s most famous quotes. 

“ Size matters not, look at me. Judge me by my size do you?”

Even though we are all flawed human beings, remember we also have great strengths.  We are more than what we appear to be.

And your personal experience leads to self-confidence.  And self-confidence will lead to personal experience.

Unfortunately many of us spend a lot of energy being angry or fearful.

To live in the past takes away from our future.  We must acknowledge our fear before we know how to overcome it. 

And remember you can accept failure, or change course. It’s all in the level of commitment you are willing to put forth. 

There are many ways to overcome our failures.  We must take every opportunity to make ourselves stronger and more resilient.

Every day you make choices.  Choice is ever present. Even if you are headed down the wrong path, take a breath, and with a calm mind you can make new and better choices. 

On April 23, Crystal shared with us her presentation on “ How to Ask for Help in a Non-triggering Way”.

About three years ago, a friend of Crystal’s needed help at around two in the morning.  Needless to say, the following day she was very tired and her day at work did not go that well.  The lack of sleep from the night before really impacted her whole day. She had to try and explain to her boss why she was so tired and struggling through the day. 

It turns out when things like this happen to us, we need to try and make sure to set some boundaries with the other person.

Crystal shared with us an acronym, which I really loved.

The acronym is FRIES.

1) Consent…..

F) Freely give.   Your time helping someone should not feel forced or coerced.

And you shouldn’t feel any pressure or fear for not helping.

R) Reversible.  People can change their mind about helping others.  And if you tell them no, then no means no.

I) Informed and honest.  You can’t fully consent to help if you don’t have the full picture.  Make sure you know and understand the whole situation.

E) Enthusiastic.  Make sure if you agree to help someone, that your yes answer is clear, and that you are excited to help. 

S). Specific- consent for one thing does not mean permission for everything.

2) Can they help you?   Be honest and genuine. Make sure the other person has the same honesty as you are used to. When you are thinking of asking someone to help you, do they have their own boundaries?  
If there is something traumatic you are dealing with in your life, maybe you need to seek therapy to help you cope. Is there actually a solution to your problem?  Are you willing to be flexible?  

And when you are asking for help, be specific. Are you running low on money?  

Be proactive about your options.  Any plan is better than no plan at all. 

Be meaningful, and explain why you need help. 

Be action-oriented. Explain exactly what you need. 

Be realistic.  Make sure your solution is doable.

Time-bound..actually say when you will need the help. 

This past Thursday, our friend Haley shared with us her presentation 

entitled “ Things that Help when Nothing Seems to Help”.

So, if you are ever stuck in a moment, Haley suggest doing a voice recording of yourself and what you might be saying to yourself.  This might help you to understand where you are at the moment.

Also try and remember that our mental health is a journey. When you are struggling, maybe you are taking on too much. If you are going through a rough patch, maybe you need to try taking one day at a time. Or, maybe one step at a time.

She also reminded us that we should have a safety plan in place, and update it on a regular basis.

Or let’s say that you’re struggling to get through a task, maybe such as cleaning your kitchen.  When you are performing a task, try setting a timer for let’s say 30 minutes.  And whatever you accomplish in those 30 minutes will be what you can complete for that day.  Or if 30 minutes is too long, maybe try setting your timer for 15 minutes.  Or maybe try moving to a different room, and see if that helps your mood.

Or possibly look into sensory changes, such as buying a weighted blanket or stuffed animals.  Or maybe try different scents of soaps and lotions.  Or maybe even buy some of your favorite foods from when you were young.

Try going for a short walk, or maybe even do some breathing exercises. Or if you own a dog, try going to a dog park.  

Or reach out to a friend if you are struggling.  Maybe even develop a code word or two that you can mention to your friend if you happen to be struggling on a certain day. Sometimes when we are having a rough time, we just need to rely on someone else’s strength to help get us through.