DBSA Omaha New Hope

BOSTON — Red Sox outfielder Jarren Duran said he went public about his 2022 suicide attempt to “reach those who feel alone.”

In an episode of the Netflix docuseries “The Clubhouse: A Year With the Red Sox,” Duran said he attempted suicide after struggling early in his baseball career.

“Talking about this wasn’t easy, but it felt important,” Duran said in a statement released through the team after the episode aired Tuesday. “I knew that if I was going to share this, I had to be real about it.

“A few years ago, I found myself in a dark place, but I’m still here, and I’m so lucky I am. And if my story can help even one person, then it was worth telling.”

A seventh-round draft choice who was an All-Star last season, Duran was one of baseball’s top hitting prospects when he was called up to the major leagues in 2021. But he struggled early and spent much of his first two seasons shuttling between the majors and minors.

Duran said in the docuseries that the expectations of the fans and media wore on him and that at times he felt players were treated like “zoo animals.”

He said he was even harder on himself.

“I couldn’t deal with telling myself how much I sucked every day,” Duran said in the docuseries. “I was already hearing it from fans. And what they said to me, [it’s not like] I haven’t told myself 10 times worse in the mirror. That was a really tough time for me. I didn’t even want to be here anymore.”

Director Greg Whiteley then asked, “When you say, ‘here,’ you mean ‘here with the Red Sox’ or ‘here on planet Earth’?”

“Probably both,” Duran said. He then described his suicide attempt.

Red Sox manager Alex Cora said Monday that Duran’s decision to tell his story will save lives. Team president Sam Kennedy called it “an act of courage that reaches far beyond baseball.”

“By opening up, he’s showing others who may be struggling that they’re not alone and that asking for help isn’t just OK, it’s essential,” Kennedy said. “Every member of this organization continues to stand with him. He has our deepest admiration, he’s always had our full support, and we’re incredibly fortunate to have him as part of our team.”

Duran’s parents, Octavio and Dena Duran, said in a statement Tuesday that they only recently learned the depths of their son’s mental health struggle.

“It was heartbreaking to hear,” they said. “We are beyond grateful that he is still here, that he has found the courage to keep going, and that he is using his voice to help others. If his story can help even one person, then it was worth sharing. We are incredibly proud of the man he is today and love him more than words can say. We will always be in his corner.”

Jarren Duran said Tuesday that he wanted to turn his attention back to the baseball season. He has six hits in his past four games, with two doubles Monday night after the details of his comments in the docuseries were reported.

“Right now, my focus is on the field,” Duran said in his statement. “We have a postseason to chase, and that’s where my head is. I’ve shared what I needed to share, and I appreciate everyone’s understanding that my focus right now is on baseball and helping my team win a World Series.

“I am grateful for the tremendous support I’ve received. If you’re struggling, please know there’s help. You can call a friend, a trusted person, your doctor or an organization like Samaritans. And, if you’re in immediate danger, call 988.”

On Thursday, Don shared with us his presentation entitled:  ” If a Tree Falls “ 

Don began by sharing that tonight’s presentation was inspired by one of our group members. We all are full of wishes and hopes. In life there are basic things that can’t be said too often. This is part of the reason why our group has a first hour talk each week. We try to let everyone know that we all have a voice and have something important to say. It also takes two to complete a message, a sender and a receiver.  Every week our presenters try and present something that is valuable. All of our presenters are pretty much saying the same things each week, with each person having their own style of presenting.  Don shared that most of what he says will not connect with each of us. 

     Deep down inside we all have something to say. We all come to group with a lived experience. And we all go through times when we feel like we don’t matter or have anything to say. 

     We all never know how much of a difference we can make by making just one small gesture.  We never know which actions we take may make a difference. It’s important to remember that nothing that ever happens is irrelevant. Some of your words and actions will matter to someone. Even tiny changes can lead to a domino effect with immense consequences.  That is why it’s important to do everything we can to make all we do or say count. Most of the time we are so busy in life that we don’t pay attention to our small actions. Remember that your voice and actions matter, you matter, your voice does matter! 

The effect of our group goes well beyond our walls.  If you have something you want to say, say it. It matters! Your own words can cause a chain reaction of positive results. Be aware that we are all able to have actions that will cause a chain reaction.  Open up and be receptive to others actions. When you are thinking about falling in a forest, realize that you do make a sound and a difference. Use your voice because it matters!

On Thursday March 27th, Carolyn shared with us her presentation entitled “ Finding our Niche “

Carolyn began by sharing that we all have something that sparks an interest in life. And sometimes it’s right in front of us. But sometimes we have to look for it. There may only be one thing at a time that sparks our interest, or it may be several things at once. It usually needs to be something you are passionate about, and something that you love. 

     So, what is something or some things you wish you could do, or things that you wished you kept up with in your life? 

She shared that she can be a good example. Carolyn told us she has always been internet in playing the guitar, and that her Dad also played the guitar. She took up guitar because she wanted her Dad to be proud of her. She never pursued it for awhile until she was able to afford a guitar of her own. 

Carolyn did have her Dad’s guitar at one time. She remembers that it only had four strings when he played, and was still able to put together a song from it. 

So for awhile she took guitar lessons, however it was hard to keep up as life got in the way. Her husband became ill, so in order to keep up she worked as a cleaning lady.  Carolyn became fearful of losing their home, so she worked cleaning many homes so she could make double payments on their home. Soon after their home was paid for which was a big relief. At that point her three kids were away to college, and on their own. 

     At that point she had some extra time, so she started playing the guitar again. And then life happened again and her Mother needed to be cared for. She brought her Mother to Omaha, as her Mother needed cancer treatment. 

After a year of treatment, her Mothers eye was cured and she never lost her sight. Carolyn started to dabble with playing the guitar again for her Mom in the memory care unit where she was living. Carolyn lost her Mom at the age of 95.

     At this point Carolyn was now retired, and her husband found his niche as an airplane restorer, which he loves and is his passion. Carolyn has always pursued her interest in art, as it relaxes her and excites her. But she has always wanted to perform with her guitar, and she is now back at it again.She is performing for people who love the old and new classics. Carolyn said she doesn’t claim to be a great performer, however she does claim to finally be a performer!  This is something she can say she had a hand in making it happen. 

     Carolyn contributed to making this a better place to live in, and has done it with music!  We can help others and in return it will help ourselves, because it will give you satisfaction to give. When we contribute we don’t have to give money, but we can give of ourselves. We can give our time and expertise to make this a better community. And in return you will be getting better mentally, because if you have made this world a better place you will be rewarded in many more ways. Maybe some of you have found your niche, as it is right in front of you. Have you come across anything that excited you as a kid?  There may be something out there that sparked your interest. Maybe not now, but it may have been as a child.  

    It could also be something you came across, and have not yet developed an interest for.  So, what could you do that would leave a fingerprint in this world? It could be something that helps people in this world live a more meaningful life. That is Carolyn’s wish for us. 

This past Thursday, our friend Haley shared with us her presentation “ Five Stages of Grief “

She shared that in life, not only do you have grief when losing a loved one, but you can also have grief over your own diagnosis.  Music helped Haley get through the five steps of grief, and she thinks of different songs for each step.

Haley shared with us the five steps of grief;

1) Denial 

In this stage, we may be telling ourselves this is not happening. When you get news of your diagnosis, it can be a shock to you. You may feel confused and left feeling numb. Where do we go after denial?  You could do research on your own diagnosis, and also start going to a support group. 

2) Anger

This stage may have a masking effect. You may be hiding the pain you are feeling, and you might start to question your moods or the people you have in your life.  There are different ways to cope in this stage.  You can begin journaling and writing things down, maybe going for a long walk, or maybe even take a cold shower. 

3) Bargaining 

In this stage you may feel hopeless and start going through the what ifs. This can also create panic for some people. When coping with the what ifs, try and learn to focus on only what you can control.

4). Depression ( quiet stage )

In this stage you may begin to isolate.  The depression stage may be very hard to get out of.  Remember it’s okay to be a little depressed, but don’t stay there for too long.  Some of the coping mechanisms you may need for depression; seeing your therapist, doctors, and spending time with your friends and family. 

5) Acceptance 

In this final stage, it may not necessarily be a happy or uplifting stage.  When you’re in the stage of Acceptance, it can be a perfect time where you should think about helping others.  Supporting others on their own journey can be beneficial for both of you. 

This last Thursday, Don shared with us his presentation “ My Wish”.

He shared with us that this presentation is Part four of his series on making changes.  He shared that when it comes to our fate, maybe your fate is what you make it.  We may need to learn to define who we are today. When Don made his last presentation, he gave us a homework assignment to come up with a list of our own intentions in life. He advised us when we have our own list of intentions, we should hang it somewhere that we can see it every day.

Some of my intentions are;

1) To lead by example 

2) Listen less to my inner critic.

3) Try to give back even more to the community.

4) Not worry so much about what others think.

5) Take up a new hobby this year, maybe gardening? 

Don also handed out a nice worksheet we can use to write down a list of our intentions, and the changes that need to be made to make those changes happen.  Once this worksheet has been completed, it will be a good roadmap that will help us get a better focus on our dreams.

Whenever we encounter any barriers to reaching our dreams, these are not blockages, even though negativity will tell you dreams are not possible. 

We have to learn to listen to our internal voice of encouragement.  When it comes to change, do not be afraid to lose a part of the old you.  Learn to be true to yourself to attract the right people in your life.  You will find like minded people when you make the changes you need to make.  We need to encourage each other more, and when you have success share it with others so you can celebrate.  Learn to summon the best of who you are.  Be good, kind and brave!  Let go of the past and help others. Today is a gift, make today count! 

Below are the instructions for the worksheet as well as pdf and excell versions of the worksheet.

Tonight we ponder, what if your fate is what you make it?

So, we just left 2024 behind. Your 2025 journey is just beginning.  Part of any journey is deciding where we are going.  We talk a lot about change over the past several months, so tonight we are going to make a road map for you to follow to achieve the change you want.  So lets start by Defining who you are today. go to the blank side of the handout. Use the top line to write at least 5 things about yourself you are happy with.  At the bottom of the page in the blank space, using these five things you like about your life, write a paragraph that tells me who you are today.  Now go to the line that says values, list at least 5 values you live by.  And, remember those intentions we talked about two weeks ago. There are 24 open boxes to list them in, or as many things as you have tonight.  

If you get stuck on what goes in each box, flip the page over and you will see my filled out worksheet with some changes already in progress.  Remember this is both an individual challenge and a group challenge.  Feel free to share in second hour and even pair off into smaller groups or pairs to hold each other accountable.

Now, go below the blue line.  List all the things you would like to change about yourself this year.  There are 11 lines, use as many as you need, but only put one thing you want to change about yourself on each line.  Some changes may be interdependent on other changes, like I will finish my degree and get a job is really two changes, one dependent on the completion of the other.  My guess is that this list will be longer than 5 items  as we are always our own worst critic.  Break each change down until you are at a level where you can make a clear, achievable, and measurable path to each end result.

Leave the rest of each line blank for now.

Except the next two columns .  The first one is for your project’s start date, and anticipated done date.  Especially if your changes involve meds, remember you can’t truly feel the change of an individual med if you change more than one at a time.  And ALLWAYS with the consultation and permission of your doctor.  Discuss your changes with your doctor, they will likely have some great suggestions for you.

The next box on each line is for Your WHY.  Your Why is important as that is what is going to motivate you.  When you have a bad day or a bad result, look back at the why column.  This is your primary motivator.  

And there is one last column I want you to be sure to fill in and that is the far right one entitled “End Results”.  I want you to be able to close your eyes and visualize what your life will be like when you make it to your end goal.  This and the “Why” are what will keep you going when you want to skip a day or just give up.

Your homework over the next week is to fill in how you are going to achieve the change you are looking for.  Some solutions may be simple, some may take time.  Some may require another thing to have already changed before you can start working on them.

Next put them in order as it is much easier to start working on one goal at a time.

Now give yourself a REALISTIC time to complete each goal.  When I say realistic i mean if one of your goals is to loose 50 pounds, you are not going to do that in a month.  But, if that is on your list set a target for completion.  Last year I wanted to loose 20 pounds by my trip.  I gave myself 4 months which was quite realistic without huge lifestyle changes.  Not only that, I could tell if I was on track along the way because the goal was measurable.  My why was important because I wanted to loose the 20 pounds so I could keep up with the walking tours we had signed up for.  In thinking through my why, I discovered that the actual number on the scale was not what I was trying to achieve which made it easier as I did not need to be fixated at every bite of food I ate, just that I could keep walking comfortably for longer and longer distances.  In the end the number on the scale became irrelevant to my true goal.  

Now many of my changes for this year are longer term and can be worked on simultaneously. Doing things to better my health and retiring or finding a new type of job do not depend on each other.  But several of my health change goals require new drugs or dietary supplements and I know that I only want to change one thing at a time so I can see what does and what does not work for me. ON the other hand I will not attempt to change my job status until I have the heart surgery that I hope to have this spring.  Changing insurance and having the number of sick days  to recover will keep me at my current job at least until the surgery is over.

When you have your list completely filled out, hang it somewhere where you will see it often.  If you need a fresh copy, the link to download one will be in the blog.  Put the start days for each goal in your phone’s calendar.  

LInk to PDF of the form

https://s0.wp.com/wp-includes/images/media/document.svg

Link to Excell of the form

https://depressionbipolarsupportomaha.org/wp-content/uploads/2025/03/my-changes-blank-excell.xlsx

This past Thursday, Don shared with us his presentation entitled “ Making Hard Choices” 

Don discussed change and how different types of changes can affect us. 

A few things I took away from his presentation; 

-Change when well planned is great for our mental health.

-Sometimes the changes we make are made poorly. Change can also have consequences that you need to be prepared for. So, we need to make sure and think through our changes and plan them out. 

You can change anything that you can control.  Now some things may be out of our locus of control.  Miriam has talked about locus of control on her previous presentations.  What exactly is our “ locus of control “ ? 

Locus of control is the extent to which you feel or believe you have control over events that impact your life. 

If we learn to identify what we can control, and let go of what we can’t control, we might feel better about change. 

Don shared how we should strive to have more balanced thoughts and manage more acceptance when it comes to change. 

When considering life changes, learn to understand the long term outcome.

And maybe try to anticipate the speed bumps. 

Maybe it might benefit you to eliminate the negative and cultivate people around you who are achievers.  And maybe quit anything that is dragging you down. Is there a certain part of your life that’s giving you grief? Can you live without it? 

If you eliminate a certain place, person or activity, will it be better for you? Changes you make may have a collateral effect on others, but that is out of your locus of control.  If you make a change in your life, will it benefit you? 

Learn to make positive changes in your life.  Be bold and courageous!

At the end of Don’s presentation, he gave us a homework assignment.

Start working on a list of personal intentions you may have for 2025.  Try and think of intentions that will give your mind and heart direction. 

Who knows, maybe sometime down the road, Don may ask us how we did on our homework assignment?

 Intentions are a code you want to live your life by.  Not always will you live up to your intentions.  They are things that you will try to do, but since you are not perfect and do not control other peoples reactions, sometimes you will fail to live up to your intentions.

Intentions are important and powerful. They set the trajectory and give our minds and hearts direction. It is worth taking five minutes to think about how you want to live, what you stand for, what is important, and what goals matter to you. 

To give you a place to get started, here is my list, and I will put this up in the blog for you to consider and modify to match your authentic self.  And facilitators, this is also a pretty good list of topics for this group if any of you want to grab one and run with it.

1. Live with integrity. 

2. Live with action, not just talk. (this is why I came up with a list for myself)

3. Take risks, try new things. (make changes to align with your authentic self)

4. Value rest and reflection. 

5. Create deeper relationships. 

6. Don’t default to “no” or “later” consider others input

7. Nourish – heart, soul, mind, body.

8. Always be learning. 

9.   Be kind.

10. Practice gratitude. 

11. Live with awareness. 

12. Give back.

13. Create and respect boundaries. (establish and maintain yours and others)

14. Practice the pause instead of reacting. 

15. Do hard things. 

16. Appreciate time. 

17. Embrace my own uniqueness. 

18. Love others for their uniqueness.  ( sort of why we are here)

19. Listen, show up, be there. 

20. Live with less. Don’t just buy.

21. Make home a sanctuary. 

22. Release bitterness, stuckness.  (let the past go, remember ground hog day)

23. Laugh and smile so much more. 

24. Live with fire. Alive.

25. Cherish the gift of aging. 

26. Asking more questions, especially if I do not understand.

And while I am at it, there are a few things that I’m no longer choosing 

1 People that do not choose me.

2. Believing my inner critic.

3.Taking on other peoples negativity

4. Living up to other people’s expectations.

5. Living someone else’s dream instead of my own.

6. Putting myself in unhealthy environments.

7. Things that make me feel less than.

8. Unrealistic expectations of myself.

9. Ignoring my own emotions, and needs.

Use these lists to make your on list of intentions. We will be revisiting intentions st the March 13th meeting so bring your list that night!

Soundtracks, by Jon Acuff

     When doing research for this presentation, I was originally planning on talking about ruminating thoughts and overthinking. So I looked at my past presentation on rumination and realized it really needed some work. I went to my usual website to research mental health information and ran across a podcast where they were interviewing an author by the name of Jon Acuff. I had never heard of this author before, but on this podcast he was promoting his latest book titled “ Soundtracks”.  After listening to him talk, I became more than interested in his latest book he was promoting. I decided I needed to buy his book. 

    I am really glad that I did. In this book, the author shares that about 97 percent of us in this world tend to overthink. I for one can definitely be counted among that 97 percent. When we are overthinking, our brains tend to find a negative soundtrack that is part of our life, and play it over and over again. For example, a few years back when I started to make presentations here at DBSA, my negative soundtrack kept telling me, “ you can’t talk in front of those people. You will be too nervous. And besides that, you don’t really know what you’re talking about.” Boy, talking about your overthinking!  

Sometimes our brains can really be jerks. Maybe we spend time focusing on negative soundtracks, of perhaps being fired from your job or possibly getting dumped by your boyfriend or girlfriend. The author shares with us that our memory will tend to lie about experiences we may have had, even though they may be positive. Let’s just say that you are normally late for that weekly meeting you have at work. And then for the last two meetings you have had, you have been on time. Your brain will still try and convince you to ignore what doesn’t agree with your broken soundtracks. The author also shares that our broken soundtracks are always encouraging our fears. Every time you listen to a broken soundtrack, it gets even easier to believe the next time.

     The author tells us that the solution to overthinking isn’t to stop thinking.  We all know that won’t work.  Instead, how about training our brains to play different soundtracks rather than the old ones? Then, once you’ve picked the right soundtrack, it will get easier to pick the right actions. We need to try and remember that our thoughts give power to our actions, which create results. We also need to try and not take something we are experiencing and make it a permanent part of our life.  It’s important to remember that even though we may be having a bad experience, it’s not the new normal. You just might be having a bad day. 

The author Jon tells us that there are three basic actions that we can take to change our thoughts from a super problem into a super power;

1. Retire your broken soundtracks
2. Replace them with new ones
3. Repeat them until they are as automatic as the old ones.

      Retire, Replace and Repeat. 

The author Jon shares with us we need to ask our loudest soundtracks three questions to see which ones we should listen to.

1. Is it true? One of the greatest mistakes we can make is believing all of our thoughts are true. If we have a negative soundtrack in life that we keep repeating, it would be a benefit to get a second opinion on it. 
2. Is it helpful? Is the soundtrack you’re listening to now helpful? Does it move you forward, or keep you stuck? Does it help or limit a decision you are making? Overthinking can prevent us from taking the usually simple steps that would solve a situation.
3. Is it kind? Broken soundtracks can be tricky and can often pretend to be the truth. Is the soundtrack you’re listening to kind to yourself? After you listen to it, do you feel better about yourself?

Another favorite part of this book for me, is when the author shares that our goal shouldn’t be to totally turn off our soundtracks. The goal is to turn down the volume on them. When our lives turn up the negative thoughts, we need to take action and turn them back down. We need to turn them down when they get loud.  He shared a few techniques we can use to help us turn down the volume.

One idea is to try something physical. Some people recommend petting a dog or a cat. This has been known to release serotonin. Taking a long walk is good for you when you’re overthinking. One of the fastest ways we can turn down our soundtracks is by meeting a friend for coffee or dinner. This is a great way to get out of your own head.  I for one do this every weekend, and it works every time. It’s really important for us to get out and socialize!

A few other techniques you can use to turn down the volume:

1. Go for a short drive down one of your favorite roads, with the windows down and the music turned up!
2. Take your dog for a walk, it would be good for both of you
3. Take a nap, listen to your body and regroup by getting some rest. 
4. Text an encouraging message to a friend when they really need it.
5. Watch 10 minutes of your favorite comedian.
6. Use a meditation app such as Calm for at least 10 minutes.
7. Listen to your favorite playlist.

The important thing is to use our own self-care tools, and have them ready when we really need to turn down our negative soundtracks and replace them with more positive ones. 

This past Thursday, our friend Carolyn shared with us her presentation titled “ Deep Thinkers “ 

I really enjoyed this presentation, as Carolyn gave those in attendance the opportunity for them to share their own poetry, their favorite poetry of someone else, or maybe a meaningful saying that means something important in their life.  It was a poetry reading for all to participate in, to express and explore putting their feelings on paper. 

Carolyn began by sharing some of her poetry. 

The first one written by Carolyn was titled : 

“ The Sun Rays”

     I am basking in the sun with my eyes closed. I feel the warmth of it’s ray’s reaching my pale face, which are ever so lightly shimmering over my skin. Drenching it with a heavenly soft white light. Though it is slowly disappearing as the day come to an end. 

     The sun is seamingly being covered up by a few clouds that are sneakly moving in, only to imerge again from them momentarily in an aray of different shades of colors like yellows, oranges and reds, tell soon you will only see glimmers of the hews! 

Since it is slowly getting darker by the minute. The dark will soon decend upon us, for night time is turning a quiet deep blue, that would turn to black if it were not for the moon and the stars, shining brightly down on us during the stillness of the lonely night.

And the second one written by Carolyn; 

“ As Long as she Still Flys”

     Suspended from a tall brass pole there old glory is waving to all, who care to look up.  And she still flys. While rolling her bold, red and white stripes, old glory cracks loudly as she catches the wind. And still she flys. Though torn and tattered, the sun sets upon old glory, as the dark clouds move in. And still she flys. Standing with our hands over our hearts, we pledge alegence under God. She in turn promising to provide liberty and justice for all. As long as she still flys. 

This past Thursday, Miriam shared with us her most recent presentation,

“ How to Effect Actual Change in Your Life, part II “

Miriam shared with us ideas on how we can create a path towards transformative change in our lives. We all have learned habits that are a part of our daily routine. Say for example every day you start to get hungry at around 02:30 in the afternoon, and you reach for that bag of chips or a nice piece of chocolate. That could be an example of a learned habit that has become part of your daily routine.

It can take energy to make those changes in your life. But if you have too much stress in your life, that stress can zap your much needed energy. Having stress is our bodies reaction to something that we are experiencing.

Higher stress levels can possibly block our healthy sleep patterns.

If you’re concerned about stress in your life, start by talking to your doctor about it.  If you’re having trouble sleeping, maybe your doctor could prescribe something to help you sleep.

Try eating less processed foods as part of your diet. Make sure you go to bed at the same time every night, and wake up at the same time every morning. This will help you keep your circadian rhythms in line. Try and think about what it is that seems to be taking up all of your energy. You could try to identify some of the bad habits you may have and make a list of some of the changes you may want to make.

If you have a certain habit that you are trying to break, you could try:

-Setting an alarm at a certain time of day to remind you to do something else. If you always find yourself looking for that savory bag of chips at 02:30 in the afternoon, try setting your alarm for 02:30 to go take a walk. Or if you’re at work, go outside and take a walk around the building.

Or you could try locking up those bags of chips somewhere out of sight, and make them harder to get to.  When breaking an unwanted habit, you have to try and somehow interrupt your brain and it’s processing flow. Or if you’re triggered every time you go out with friends to a bar, try taking yourself out of the situation and suggest going out for coffee somewhere rather than to a bar. 

We have to start by learning to be more proactive and begin getting rid of the bad habits that aren’t serving us well. It all starts by interrupting your routine and identifying your bad habits and what might be triggering them.  And most importantly recruit and have an ally or a group of friends who want to do the same. 

This past Thursday, Don shared with us his presentation entitled “ Groundhog Day” 

Don opened his presentation with the song “ I Got You Babe”, Sonny and Cher’s famous hit that was also featured in the movie “ Groundhog Day” 

In the movie Bill Murray keeps reliving his day over and over again. At first he gets mad and depressed, as he is stuck in the same rut every day and nothing he does gets him out of it. Does this sound familiar to any of you?  How many of you are stuck in your own version of Groundhog Day? 

Groundhog Day can be a day dedicated to taking a look at our lives.  Sometimes every day is predictable.  But we cannot become what we want by remaining what we are. 

Don shared with us that for him there are three steps…put it in your past, Forgive and Decide.

He also stated that we are composed of three selves. He recommended starting by working with our past self.

1) our past selves…

Don shared with us that one of the most effective ways to start is by writing a letter to your past self.  For this you should start out by choosing a time that you did or didn’t do something, and by making that decision the course of your life went in a negative way. 

Now the hard part…do one of two things with your letter.  Either rip up the letter, or hide it away somewhere and do not look at the letter again.  Think of this as a cleansing.  This will take you one step closer to moving on to February 3rd.

2) Our Present self…..this is where we need to forgive.  Not others, but ourselves.  Some of us are stuck in our own Groundhog Day loop, because we can’t forgive ourselves for something we did.  Is it possible that these good choices were only proven bad through the lens of time? 

Don shared with us a simple example. 

We decide we need groceries and we head to the store. Something we do all the time and a great decision, right?  But this one time, on the way to the store a drunk driver runs into our car.  Something that is random and unpredictable. Most of us will probably start to question ourselves, what if I had stopped for coffee first on the way?  We start to blame ourselves and beat ourselves up over it.  Let’s face it, we do not know the future. We are more like TV weather people who think we know what will happen tomorrow. But we don’t. 

Don shared that every so often in our group we talk about finding and being our authentic selves.  But what about our past selves?  Could that self of the past be a different authentic self to the one that is here today, our present self?  For most of us that would be true. 

Are you the same person you were 10 years ago?  Most likely not. Our wants, needs and values change over time.  If you’re beating yourself up over a decision that you made in the past, do you think maybe your past self was making the best decision for you at that time?  Maybe our current self should quit beating up our past self and move on.  The past is the past and we can’t change it.  We need to learn from it and move on.  It’s time to flip that calendar to February 3rd. 

3) Our Future selves…..so how do you get to tomorrow?  What does February 3rd look like?  What do you really want out of life?  Stepping out the door into tomorrow can sometimes be scary.  You can promise yourself to continue to come to group looking for a better life. Continue to try and envision your future self. We have no control of how many tomorrows we may have.  We begin to realize that if we don’t go for our dreams today, we may not have all the tomorrows we need to get where we want to be. 

Tell yourself “Today is the day”  Today has to be the day. Tell yourself today is the day to move towards your future self.  Be brave, and try not to waste a minute , because there is no greater treasure than time. And wasting it by being stuck in your present self rather than trying to get where you want to be us not acceptable for any of us.  The story of your life is much bigger than you think.  Be brave!