DBSA Omaha New Hope

This last Thursday, Don shared with us his presentation entitled “ I’m Still Standing “

Don opened with Elton John’s infamous “ I’m Still Standing “.  A really great opening to begin a new presentation!   Tonight Don shared with us he wanted to show us a different side of Don.  The hopes he had back in March looks like they may not happen, at least right now.   When you make changes in your life it sometimes makes your mood and emotions in to a roller coaster life, Big highs, and big dips. When you stand pat and do not make changes, your life resembles riding a merry go round, look ahead and you see the same view every time, look to the side and you keep seing the same scenery  Once you decide to make changes, it is important to be sure and stay on plan, and keep on riding towards the grail, up and down the hills and dips rather than revert to the merry go round, going in circles and not ever really getting anywhere.

So, you may need to ask the question.  Are you happy with your life now, or do you need to keep moving towards your dreams?  The surgery Don wanted to have has been put on pause for the rest of the year.  Don can’t retire from his current job, as he needs the good health insurance. That puts 2 of my goals on hold for now, but it does not affect the other five goals and dreams he is actively working on. When it comes to success, remember it does not have to be perfect.  But it can be a step along your path.

Don also talked about what success isn’t.  It isn’t what others think.  It can be a victory on the path to one of our greater goals in life. We all have successes every day.  And setting a goal is a victory on your path, even though it’s only for you.  It doesn’t matter what others learn from your failures.  So, what do you do when what you do isn’t good enough?  What do you do when you fail?  

Don’t quit trying because a few things went wrong.  Keep trying and failing, even in new ways. 

There is still tomorrow, and we all have a chance to reach our dreams! 

This past Thursday, Miriam shared with us her presentation “ How to Effect Actual Change in Your Life “ 

Miriam continued her discussion by talking about the process to make transformative change in your life.

We have to begin by learning to make desired changes in your life in a logical manner.  

– you will need to identify the goal you want to achieve, and make sure it’s a concrete goal.  And identify the habit that you want to break.  If you have things in your life that are preventing you from achieving your goal, then maybe you need to take a look at your goal again. Is your goal a realistic one?  

Let’s say you have a goal of wanting to lose weight.  You could quit eating junk food altogether.  Or, maybe just quit eating junk food at night. 

You will also need to brainstorm ideas on how to lose weight.  Part of the process is self-reflection and honesty with yourself.  You will need to make your goal something you can be excited about, and that will be easy for you to do.  Make your goal enjoyable.

Are the things you do to achieve your goal effective and also accomplish your goal?  

So, getting back to the example goal of losing weight.  

– will exercise help with this goal?

– For example,  if you are tempted to eat junk food.  You could call a friend to take your mind off of eating.

– or maybe do some housework? 

– watching less tv might help. 

– you could try reading, but don’t eat while you’re reading.

So, would any of these ideas lead you back to a goal of losing weight?  

You will probably need to track your activity that you did to work towards your goal. Your goals and the steps you take to achieving your goals only needs to make sense to you.  You will somehow need to disrupt your bad habits and replace them with good ones.  Every once in a while we need to assess our goals and look at how they are working out for us.  Remember to find a goal that is realistic and enjoyable.  And most importantly it needs to be personal for you.  

Don’s most recent presentation was entitled “ Long ago in a Galaxy Far, Far Away: The Wisdom of Yoda”

I am writing this blog on May the fourth, which seems very appropriate for Don’s presentation.  Don shared with us that he is a bit of a Star Wars geek. 

Back in the 70’s when the first Star Wars movie came out, early reviewers did not grasp what Star Wars was about.  To this day Star Wars is the biggest grossing franchise in history. 

When the character Yoda ( who is the philosopher in the movie) was first introduced, his unique accent was on purpose to get people to listen.

The wisdom of Yoda looks at self-confidence, fear and the darkness. 

In Star Wars, a Jedi’s strength flows from self belief ( our force) You must believe in yourself.  If you do not believe in yourself, how do you expect others to?   And try to remember when you start out with a negative thought, how do you expect to succeed?

One of Yoda’s quotes refers to judging others.  “ Size Matters not. Look at me.

Judge me by my Size, do you? “

In other words, don’t judge a book by it’s cover, right?  

If we have self-confidence, that will lead to more personal experiences, which leads to more self-confidence. Unfortunately many of us spend a lot of time and energy being angry or resentful.  However anger and fear are signs we are living in the past. Anger and fear are your baggage and weigh you down.

For most of us, we need to acknowledge our fear before we can get through it.

When we are depressed, we should try let our dark past stay in the past. 

You can accept any failures you have and change course. It’s all up to your commitment in order to achieve your goals. 

Another great Yoda quote “ The Greatest Teacher, Failure is” reminds us that learning from failure, rather than repeating it is a good path to becoming a Jedi. 

You must get in touch with your force to get yourself motivated.  Your future is guaranteed to throw many choices your way. When making these choices, take a breath and be at peace. We all have our own truths which are indisputable.  We are all on our own journey.  Be a candle in the night.

Well, it’s that time of year again. Time to elect our new board of directors!

You may have a few questions such as:

What does a board member do? Board members collectively manage our group. They set policy and make decisions regarding all aspects of our group. Basically, the board is the engine that makes our group work!

What is the time commitment? The board meets monthly, usually on a Saturday morning, ideally the second Saturday of the month at 10am. Meetings are usually 60-90 minutes with a separate meeting of facilitators and presenters that follows for about another hour. You do not have to be a facilitator or presenter to be on the board and you do not have to be on the board to be a facilitator or presenter. More on that below.

What are the qualifications for being a board member? Simply a willingness to help. Whether you are new to the group last week or have been a member for many years, it does not matter. Enthusiasm is all that is required! New people and new ideas are always more than welcome.

What are the benefits to me of being on the board? Being on this board is a super positive experience. Like our group in general, we have fun at our meetings. We talk things through and are not divisive. We reach a consensus rather than have an argument over issues. And most importantly, we become friends. Friends working toward a common goal, to make this group the best it can be.

What are the opportunities for me to serve the group? Each member of the board brings different strengths and experiences to the meeting. We try to use the talents of each member while remembering why we are all here. Taking on responsibilities is always optional. No matter if it is a board office like president, or a more informal position like webmaster or blog writer, it is up to you to decide how much you do.

What if I want to help the group, but being a board member is just not who I am right now? We get that and there are other ways you can help without being a board member.

1. You can be a presenter! One of the strengths of our group is the number and diversity of experiences of our first hour topic presenters. If you are interested and have a topic you would like to present, tell one of the board members. Our presenters attend the second hour of the monthly board meeting where we build our topic schedule, do training sessions, and talk about what works and what doesn’t when presenting to our group.
2. You can be a facilitator! Facilitators lead our second hour small groups each Thursday night. Again, we ask that our facilitators also attend the second hour of the monthly board meeting where we hold training sessions to help you deal with the issues that come up during second hour.
3. You can help with special projects! Less of a time commitment but we do need help organizing special nights and special events for our Friendship project events among other things.
4. Volunteer to help out at our booth at the Pride Festival July 17th -18th! This is our biggest community outreach event of the year. Talking to and handing out cards and pamphlets to over 1000 people every year, and then seeing someone you talked to show up at group can be one of the most personally rewarding things we do each year.

Great! How do I get started?

1. I want to join the board. By May 14th send us a 3 to 5 sentence (short!) summary of who you are and why you want to be on our board. These summaries will be posted on the online ballot for member voting from May 21st to June 4th 9PM. If you are successful, you will join the board starting with the June meeting on June 14th. Send your summary to the group email address, newhope.dbsa@gmail.com
2. I want to be a presenter. Talk to Don, he is in charge of that sort of stuff. Or email him at miriamdon@aol.com. Plan on attending the second hour (11am), of the June 14th board meeting and come with ideas for topics you would like to present.
3. I want to be a facilitator. Again, talk to Don or email him at miriamdon@aol.com. Plan on attending the second hour (11am) of the June 14th board meeting. We will start getting you up to speed on the dos and do nots of leading a second hour group session.
4. I want to help with special projects. Contact Miriam, our current President at newhope.dbsa@gmail.com. Tell her what you would like to help with!

This past Thursday, I shared with the group my presentation entitled “ Soundtracks Part II” 

My presentation was based on a book I have been reading by author Jon Acuff, entitled “ Soundtracks “

His book tackles that all too familiar subject of overthinking.  John tells us that there are three actions we need to take to change our thoughts.

1) Retire your broken soundtracks.

2) Replace them with new ones.

3). Repeat them until they are as automatic as the old ones.

Retire, Replace and Repeat.

When Jon talks about soundtracks, he is talking about the thoughts we have in our heads that may or may not be benefiting us.  It’s when some of these thoughts in our head become too negative, that we can use a little bit of help.

   So a lot of us probably have weekly or daily to-do lists.  Jon suggests that when we are tackling a new week full of many things to do on our list, that we need to decide;

1)  Where do I want to win this week?  

     Maybe try to narrow down to determine what’s most important to you.  Prioritize those important items that you want to accomplish. Let’s say as an example that you have an important meeting or interview coming up.

2). What soundtracks will help?  Your soundtrack for a job interview could be “ I am as qualified as anyone for this job”

3). What actions can I take?  Research the qualifications needed for the job you are applying for. Without even looking at your resume, be prepared and know beforehand the skills that you have that makes you well qualified for the job.

     Probably one of the most helpful things I learned from the book is that when it comes to overthinking we need to imagine a coin. One side is full of thoughts that aren’t true, kind or even helpful.  If you flip it over, what would the other side say?   Sometimes we need to take a broken soundtrack, ask what is the opposite of this, and flip it.  Jon shared a lot of broken soundtracks can be related to change.  For example, when I think about how I want to retire from my current job. I know that once I retire, I want to continue to work as a Peer support specialist. I think maybe a part of me is afraid of making this change to a new career.  So it sounds to me like I need to flip this soundtrack and make the change.

     Probably the most important thing I learned from Jon’s book is this;

“ If you want to find a soundtrack to flip, listen to the unkind things that you repeatedly say about yourself “ .  That sounds like a great place to start if we want to get rid of our overthinking.

This past Thursday, our friend Crystal shared with her presentation on Volunteering. 

Crystal began by sharing that National Volunteering Week is coming up on April 20th through 26th.  She shared that volunteering should be something that is chill and fun. She shared that she wouldn’t want volunteering that required sitting too long in front of a computer screen. It should be something with no pressure or commitment, with no advance planning or scheduling. Crystal limits herself to 2-3 hours per week for volunteering, and wants volunteering to be fun.

     Don’t know where to start?  Just look up some of your favorites. 

Some volunteering options:

-Food bank

-Henry Doorly Zoo

– United Way, Open Door Mission, Tip Top Thrift Shop. 

– NE Humane Society…requires a minimum of 6 hours a month of volunteering.

– City of Omaha Parks and Recreation….volunteers meet at one of the local parks to do cleanup. 

– You can also volunteer as an election worker during both Federal and local elections.  You would need to sign a waiver and go through a background check for this option.

-Omaha for Us

     Crystal shared with us that she began coming to DBSA back when she was struggling while attending college.  When it comes to volunteering, nobody makes you volunteer.  But at the end of the day, it’s all about helping others.

BOSTON — Red Sox outfielder Jarren Duran said he went public about his 2022 suicide attempt to “reach those who feel alone.”

In an episode of the Netflix docuseries “The Clubhouse: A Year With the Red Sox,” Duran said he attempted suicide after struggling early in his baseball career.

“Talking about this wasn’t easy, but it felt important,” Duran said in a statement released through the team after the episode aired Tuesday. “I knew that if I was going to share this, I had to be real about it.

“A few years ago, I found myself in a dark place, but I’m still here, and I’m so lucky I am. And if my story can help even one person, then it was worth telling.”

A seventh-round draft choice who was an All-Star last season, Duran was one of baseball’s top hitting prospects when he was called up to the major leagues in 2021. But he struggled early and spent much of his first two seasons shuttling between the majors and minors.

Duran said in the docuseries that the expectations of the fans and media wore on him and that at times he felt players were treated like “zoo animals.”

He said he was even harder on himself.

“I couldn’t deal with telling myself how much I sucked every day,” Duran said in the docuseries. “I was already hearing it from fans. And what they said to me, [it’s not like] I haven’t told myself 10 times worse in the mirror. That was a really tough time for me. I didn’t even want to be here anymore.”

Director Greg Whiteley then asked, “When you say, ‘here,’ you mean ‘here with the Red Sox’ or ‘here on planet Earth’?”

“Probably both,” Duran said. He then described his suicide attempt.

Red Sox manager Alex Cora said Monday that Duran’s decision to tell his story will save lives. Team president Sam Kennedy called it “an act of courage that reaches far beyond baseball.”

“By opening up, he’s showing others who may be struggling that they’re not alone and that asking for help isn’t just OK, it’s essential,” Kennedy said. “Every member of this organization continues to stand with him. He has our deepest admiration, he’s always had our full support, and we’re incredibly fortunate to have him as part of our team.”

Duran’s parents, Octavio and Dena Duran, said in a statement Tuesday that they only recently learned the depths of their son’s mental health struggle.

“It was heartbreaking to hear,” they said. “We are beyond grateful that he is still here, that he has found the courage to keep going, and that he is using his voice to help others. If his story can help even one person, then it was worth sharing. We are incredibly proud of the man he is today and love him more than words can say. We will always be in his corner.”

Jarren Duran said Tuesday that he wanted to turn his attention back to the baseball season. He has six hits in his past four games, with two doubles Monday night after the details of his comments in the docuseries were reported.

“Right now, my focus is on the field,” Duran said in his statement. “We have a postseason to chase, and that’s where my head is. I’ve shared what I needed to share, and I appreciate everyone’s understanding that my focus right now is on baseball and helping my team win a World Series.

“I am grateful for the tremendous support I’ve received. If you’re struggling, please know there’s help. You can call a friend, a trusted person, your doctor or an organization like Samaritans. And, if you’re in immediate danger, call 988.”

On Thursday, Don shared with us his presentation entitled:  ” If a Tree Falls “ 

Don began by sharing that tonight’s presentation was inspired by one of our group members. We all are full of wishes and hopes. In life there are basic things that can’t be said too often. This is part of the reason why our group has a first hour talk each week. We try to let everyone know that we all have a voice and have something important to say. It also takes two to complete a message, a sender and a receiver.  Every week our presenters try and present something that is valuable. All of our presenters are pretty much saying the same things each week, with each person having their own style of presenting.  Don shared that most of what he says will not connect with each of us. 

     Deep down inside we all have something to say. We all come to group with a lived experience. And we all go through times when we feel like we don’t matter or have anything to say. 

     We all never know how much of a difference we can make by making just one small gesture.  We never know which actions we take may make a difference. It’s important to remember that nothing that ever happens is irrelevant. Some of your words and actions will matter to someone. Even tiny changes can lead to a domino effect with immense consequences.  That is why it’s important to do everything we can to make all we do or say count. Most of the time we are so busy in life that we don’t pay attention to our small actions. Remember that your voice and actions matter, you matter, your voice does matter! 

The effect of our group goes well beyond our walls.  If you have something you want to say, say it. It matters! Your own words can cause a chain reaction of positive results. Be aware that we are all able to have actions that will cause a chain reaction.  Open up and be receptive to others actions. When you are thinking about falling in a forest, realize that you do make a sound and a difference. Use your voice because it matters!

On Thursday March 27th, Carolyn shared with us her presentation entitled “ Finding our Niche “

Carolyn began by sharing that we all have something that sparks an interest in life. And sometimes it’s right in front of us. But sometimes we have to look for it. There may only be one thing at a time that sparks our interest, or it may be several things at once. It usually needs to be something you are passionate about, and something that you love. 

     So, what is something or some things you wish you could do, or things that you wished you kept up with in your life? 

She shared that she can be a good example. Carolyn told us she has always been internet in playing the guitar, and that her Dad also played the guitar. She took up guitar because she wanted her Dad to be proud of her. She never pursued it for awhile until she was able to afford a guitar of her own. 

Carolyn did have her Dad’s guitar at one time. She remembers that it only had four strings when he played, and was still able to put together a song from it. 

So for awhile she took guitar lessons, however it was hard to keep up as life got in the way. Her husband became ill, so in order to keep up she worked as a cleaning lady.  Carolyn became fearful of losing their home, so she worked cleaning many homes so she could make double payments on their home. Soon after their home was paid for which was a big relief. At that point her three kids were away to college, and on their own. 

     At that point she had some extra time, so she started playing the guitar again. And then life happened again and her Mother needed to be cared for. She brought her Mother to Omaha, as her Mother needed cancer treatment. 

After a year of treatment, her Mothers eye was cured and she never lost her sight. Carolyn started to dabble with playing the guitar again for her Mom in the memory care unit where she was living. Carolyn lost her Mom at the age of 95.

     At this point Carolyn was now retired, and her husband found his niche as an airplane restorer, which he loves and is his passion. Carolyn has always pursued her interest in art, as it relaxes her and excites her. But she has always wanted to perform with her guitar, and she is now back at it again.She is performing for people who love the old and new classics. Carolyn said she doesn’t claim to be a great performer, however she does claim to finally be a performer!  This is something she can say she had a hand in making it happen. 

     Carolyn contributed to making this a better place to live in, and has done it with music!  We can help others and in return it will help ourselves, because it will give you satisfaction to give. When we contribute we don’t have to give money, but we can give of ourselves. We can give our time and expertise to make this a better community. And in return you will be getting better mentally, because if you have made this world a better place you will be rewarded in many more ways. Maybe some of you have found your niche, as it is right in front of you. Have you come across anything that excited you as a kid?  There may be something out there that sparked your interest. Maybe not now, but it may have been as a child.  

    It could also be something you came across, and have not yet developed an interest for.  So, what could you do that would leave a fingerprint in this world? It could be something that helps people in this world live a more meaningful life. That is Carolyn’s wish for us. 

This past Thursday, our friend Haley shared with us her presentation “ Five Stages of Grief “

She shared that in life, not only do you have grief when losing a loved one, but you can also have grief over your own diagnosis.  Music helped Haley get through the five steps of grief, and she thinks of different songs for each step.

Haley shared with us the five steps of grief;

1) Denial 

In this stage, we may be telling ourselves this is not happening. When you get news of your diagnosis, it can be a shock to you. You may feel confused and left feeling numb. Where do we go after denial?  You could do research on your own diagnosis, and also start going to a support group. 

2) Anger

This stage may have a masking effect. You may be hiding the pain you are feeling, and you might start to question your moods or the people you have in your life.  There are different ways to cope in this stage.  You can begin journaling and writing things down, maybe going for a long walk, or maybe even take a cold shower. 

3) Bargaining 

In this stage you may feel hopeless and start going through the what ifs. This can also create panic for some people. When coping with the what ifs, try and learn to focus on only what you can control.

4). Depression ( quiet stage )

In this stage you may begin to isolate.  The depression stage may be very hard to get out of.  Remember it’s okay to be a little depressed, but don’t stay there for too long.  Some of the coping mechanisms you may need for depression; seeing your therapist, doctors, and spending time with your friends and family. 

5) Acceptance 

In this final stage, it may not necessarily be a happy or uplifting stage.  When you’re in the stage of Acceptance, it can be a perfect time where you should think about helping others.  Supporting others on their own journey can be beneficial for both of you.