DBSA Omaha New Hope

This past Thursday, I shared my most recent presentation entitled “Self-compassion With no Limits “

            When it comes to our own self-compassion, it may truly be one of the most important parts of our personal mental health. When we are in a place where we are struggling and or spiraling, it’s usually our own self compassion that is suffering. When we are feeling unworthy, we may not always have a clear and positive view of ourselves, even though each one of us have very special and unique qualities. I know when I am experiencing a rough patch, the best thing for me to do is to be around friends and family who appreciate me for who I am, and realize what great qualities I possess. When you are in a bad place, try to remember that the way you talk to yourself really matters. Learn to talk to yourself more with kindness. We also should try and recognize the effects of negative self talk and of treating yourself badly. If you are a person who appreciates a good hug, try and receive and give hugs when you are in a bad way. Just the act of physical touch can help us to feel better when we’re being hard on ourselves. Sometimes we have to be open to the pain we are experiencing, but at the same we shouldn’t shame ourselves for feeling badly. Maybe also reminding ourselves that suffering is a part of life, and part of being human. And it’s not unusual to feel this way.

             Benefits of Self-compassion….. So, what are some of the benefits of self-compassion? 

1) self-compassion will help reduce anxiety, depression and stress, and may help reduce your PTSD symptoms.

2)  Can help you mentally and physically. 

3) It feels good to be kind to ourselves and others. 

4) When you have a compassionate mindset, it can effect you and those around you in a positive way.

Kindness Letter….. One of the helpful things you can do to increase your own self-compassion, is to write yourself a “ kindness letter “. This is a letter you can write to yourself, to help you get through the tough times. Benefits of a kindness letter: 

 – a kindness letter can help you stay on track. 

-a kindness letter will help you feel better when you are down, or at your worst.

– And it can be a pep talk to yourself! 

     I have to tell you that I really love this idea of writing a kindness letter to ourselves. So, I felt I would try to set an example for you by writing my own kindness letter to myself, which I would like to share with you all my example below;

    Hi Steve, I know you are having a really tough time with things in your life right now. But try to remember that all people tend to struggle now and then, even though others may appear to always “ have it together “. Things are not always as they may seem ! All of us are imperfect souls, trying to make our way through life’s ups and downs the best we can. Just try to remember you can’t always meet the high expectations of others, nor should you give yourself the burden to do so. Please don’t forget how far you have come on your own wellness journey! Remember when about five years ago you were really, really struggling just to make it through each day? These days you are living your best life, you are thriving and giving back to the community, while earning the respect and admiration of others every day! Your family and friends see you as a loving and caring person, with a willingness to support and nurture others when they need it. Be sure and show yourself the same kindness, empathy and respect you so willingly give to others. 

After all, don’t you feel you are just as worthy of your own kindness? Remember, you have all of those self-care tools in your toolbox to help get you through the hard times. And don’t be afraid to reach out to your family and friends when you need them. They are there to support you! 

 My best to you my friend, Hugs, Steve

     I personally felt really good about writing my own kindness letter. I was amazed at how easily the words flowed when I began to write. Even though I wasn’t really struggling when I wrote it, I can see where my letter would be a good source of support for those times when I really do need it. In closing, when thinking about what I wanted to talk about tonight, I knew that I wanted to write a little bit about self-compassion. I know that when I have times when I feel like I’m beginning to struggle, it’s during those times that I tend to be just a little bit too hard on myself. I know that self-compassion is an area where I continue to struggle and grow as well. If you are having a bad day, or even just a bad few hours, try to learn to be kind to yourself in the moment.

When going through your own self-talk, just remember to use those same kind words that you would use with a good friend that may be in a similar situation. As Miriam always reminds us “ treat yourself just as well as you would treat your own best friend “. Thank you….

This past Thursday, Crystal shared with us her presentation entitled “ Investing in your Mental Health “ 

Crystal shared that for the first two years she attended our support group, she was also in college at the time earning her teaching degree. So, during those days when she was in college, she learned various ways to help her de-stress. She discovered diamond painting during college, which helped her to de-stress. I had never heard of diamond painting before, but I discovered that it usually involves applying hundreds of multi-colored rhinestones on a canvas.  So diamond painting has helped Crystal process her week throughout college and to this day. 

So, have you ever had moments when you were so excited about something in your life, and you share this moment with others, and they just don’t share the same excitement?  I believe we all have. Crystal shared that her family is very conservative with their money, and they have their own ideas about what she should do with her own money. She shared that it’s important and not dumb to spend money on things or hobbies that help with your mental health. 

It’s important to realize that hobbies will help you get through college or while you’re looking for a job. 

Others will always have different feelings about situations. But we should try not to judge others for purchases or investments they make. Sometimes when you share with others that you experience depression, anxiety or bi-polar, it doesn’t quite click with that other person and maybe they just don’t quite understand.

These days, when working as a teacher, Crystal enjoys making a special connection with her students. I also enjoy the connection with others we all experience by just attending our DBSA support group every week. DBSA is such an amazing part of our lives. 

This past Thursday Don shared with us his presentation entitled “ Who are You? “

Don’s recent presentation shared with us thoughts on both negative and positive triggers. Maybe most of us didn’t realize there could actually be positive triggers?  So, just stop and think about what makes you happy and what makes you sad.  What are some of the triggers in your life?  Which ones are positive and which are negative?  If you have some negative triggers, try to name the enemy and minimize contact. If we have negative triggers in our lives, what do we have in our toolbox to counter these triggers?  Not all triggers are bad. Don shared a new term with us, at least new to me. Sometimes when people are speaking about  positive triggers, they also are referred to as glimmers.  I love that term!  

So, what could positive triggers be?  For those of us spend time on social media, we could start by trying to make your social media a happy place. Try and take out the negative in your social media and add positive things. If you’re a person who has a favorite playlist, make sure that some of the songs on your playlist are positive. 

So, what are some positive triggers?  Some examples are spending quality time with your family and friends, looking at favorite photos, spending time in nature, favorite movies or music, and aromatherapy.  Or maybe spending time with your dog, going for a walk or a run, having a nice cup of coffee or tea, or even enjoying your favorite food. Try and make a list of your positive triggers now, and this list will help you whenever you may be going through a bad time. 

This past Thursday, Miriam shared her most recent presentation titled “ Things Mentally Strong People don’t do, Part IV”

During this segment, Miriam talked a bit about people pleasing.  People pleasing is something most of us are familiar with.  But she shared that mentally strong people don’t worry about pleasing others. When it comes to pleasing others, don’t over extend yourself. Sometimes saying yes to everyone, and not being able to say yes to your own spouse or family is not always a good idea. You may start to feel over burdened and over scheduled, which could leave you exhausted and stressed out. Maybe you have a fear of conflict or a fear of rejection if you tell someone no. Or it could be the fear of being alone that makes you answer yes to everyone. A lot of time people pleasers feel responsible for making others happy. You may feel that you will do or say anything to keep the peace. 

   When you are a people pleaser and you start to feel overwhelmed and over extended, it may be time to change your behavior. Sometimes you will need to decide who you want to please. Remember that you can’t please everyone. So, how do you decide when to say no? First, you will need to clarify what your values are. Decide what some of your most important values might be. Some of our common values are; family, children, friends, volunteering, spiritual beliefs, educational, and self care.  As we all have very individual values, it’s important for you to decide what’s most important. When someone asks you to do something for them, take the time to decide yes or no. Communication is very important in these situations. Ask what you might have to give up, and what will you gain? How will you feel if you say yes? Resentment with another might increase if you tell them yes to a request, if deep inside you really wanted to say no. Remember you’re allowed to be assertive with others when it comes to how you feel. If you’re doing something to make others happy, you might lose sight of your own values. Sometimes we need to quit trying to make others happy. These decisions always come back to your values. Be ready to embrace yourself and your choices. 

This past Thursday, Don shared with us his most recent presentation entitled “ Creating the Life you Want to Live”

Don began by sharing that we need to begin dreaming again with purpose. We are all one decision away from living our dream life.  If you have been thinking about making a change in your life lately, your fear of change may have talked you back into the normal. Most of us put up with things in our lives we don’t like longer than we should. Don’t forget our lives are more important than what the cynics say or what social media is telling us. Remember it is okay to make a change, but not drastically. Try taking small steps. Remember to keep your eyes on your goal and your dream vision.  Learn to dream bigger than the drama in your life, or you will get distracted. 

There will always be drama and distractions that try to overcome your dreams.  When these distractions happen, we need to find our own ways to get back on track and pursue our dreams again. 

     So you will have to ask yourself, are you ready for massive change? Are you ready to, every day, listen to you heart and soul and stay on path? We have to decide if we are ready to plot our way to a grail life, and do whatever it takes to get there, knowing that this might be the most difficult thing we have ever done. So, what does an extraordinary life look like for you? What are the problems you have standing in the way of your dream life?  How do you plan to overcome those problems? 

A purpose built on who your adult self is your grail. Designing your best possible future with a plan to get there.  Believe that your extraordinary life has no ceiling.  Do not limit your ambitions and your dreams.  Clearly define your work life balance as part of your grail. Set limits and boundaries. 

So where do we start. What is your path? 

P: passions and interests 

A:  spend more time with your unique abilities.  Document the things that you do and leave the stuff you find boring to others.

T: tenacity, do not give up on that.  Develop the skills that you need.

H: Helpfulness, be of service to others. 

So, what are some other things that will help with your dreams?

The power of energy. How will I increase my energy and use it?

The power of Physiology and Vitality. How will I take care of my body?

The power of emotional fitness and physiological strength. How will I take care of my mind?

The power of connection and caring. How can I help others and they help me?

The power of strategic planning and effective decision making. Make a plan and carry it through. 

The power of vision and purpose. Construct your dream world so you can close your eyes and see it.

The power of massive action and momentum. We can all do more. Let the progress and momentum power you when you are down. We all show resilience every day.

The power of an extraordinary environment. Let your friends help you along your way.

The power of one more. When you are tired and have had a bad day, give it one more day, give it your all, and get going down your path again.

Another thing Don shared was encouraging us to think of someone in our lives who was a lighthouse to you. Someone who was a mentor, a teacher, a guide, someone who believed in you.

Write down their name and what they taught you. Determine who needs you to be their lighthouse now. And how you can do that. Or maybe train to be a lighthouse for others? 

Decide what you are most grateful for today. 

Do not be afraid to set boundaries with others and to say no.

Decide who is on your team. Who is not on your team?

Don also talked about our personal life philosophies. We have all developed life philosophies. We have all built guideposts to keep us on track, and tell us if we are or aren’t being true to our authentic selves.

So what are some of your philosophies?

He also shared some ways to get started when we are thinking about our philosophies.

#1 we are all here, no matter what life has thrown at us. Somehow we have survived. 

We all value life and we realize life is precious and a gift. So stay engaged, stay present and focus on meaningful pursuits. Don encouraged us to take a few minutes and come up with a few philosophies of our own. 

Some life principles to think about. 

My identity: who do I think I am

My intention: what is my reason for doing any specific things I do.

Demands of the world: prioritizing what work you need to do on yourself vs. the demands of a job, family and life.

Focus: how easy is it for you to keep on task, don’t let the details derail you.

Drive: the power of your inner voice to show up, and take advantage of the opportunities in front of you.

Mentor others; pass it along, pay it forward. 

Make your principals into actions. Surround yourself with strivers on their own missions, people who have the ambition to make their own lives better. 

A few more things to consider when it comes to your dreams. 

What do you want to be remembered for and by whom?

Whatever way you change your journey, include joy, bring it with you wherever you go.

And whatever you do, do it now, and do not be afraid and leave nothing to regret.

There may be changes in your life that you have been thinking about making. Start by writing down a list of your philosophies and life principles. You may have a fear of the what if’s, and awfulizing and  blowing up a small reason for not making this change, such as maybe I’m not good enough, and that you don’t deserve it. If you think these things, you will not know for sure unless you try. 

Take a look at your ambition and visualize how much better your dream can be than today. Begin by writing down your dream. Bring the dream back into focus. Realize that dreamland you write down today is not the end. There is no arrival, no happily ever after finish line. The dreamland you wrote down is a goal and when you achieve it, there will be something else to go for, something else to achieve. Something else to keep growing toward, to get better at. Something else to test, to be curious about, to grow into. 

This past Thursday, I presented my most recent topic entitled ” Stress vs. Anxiety”

I talked a little bit about stress vs. anxiety and the basic differences between the two.

Usually the origin of stress is external, and anxiety is internal.

Stress can be short term, whereas anxiety is usually long term.

Stress will have a recognized trigger, and a trigger may not be apparent with anxiety.

With stress the basic emotion is feeling overwhelmed, and feeling worrisome with fear is the basic emotion of anxiety.

Stress may cause mild distress, where anxiety can cause severe distress.

Treatment for stress is building healthy coping skills, whereas anxiety may require talk therapy and medication along with healthy coping skills.

I used as an example the stress I have been dealing with at my job recently.  We have had new management at work for the past two or three years, and the decisions they have been making about our dept. have been causing a lot of stress for both myself and my co-workers.

I try to stay mindful at work, and not ruminate about the situation and what may happen next. This coping skill, along with attending my walking group and the support of my friends has helped me handle the stress better.

The nervousness that comes with stress will usually end when the stressful situation is over, whereas anxiety can be persistent. With anxiety the intensity may change, but it usually does not completely go away.

A few reminders to reduce anxiety and stress:

1) limit caffeine and alcohol

2) make sure you’re getting enough sleep

3) try meditation or yoga

4) setting aside free time for the hobbies that you enjoy

5) open up to your loved ones about your feelings

6) practice breathing exercises

Some other ideas for fast acting anxiety or stress relief:

-get a hug from a loved one or a friend. ( or anyone you know who doesn’t mind hugs)

-Go for a long walk or do some gardening. Sometimes just getting out of the house can make a big difference.

– And most importantly, obtain social support. Having supportive people in your life is very helpful with stress management. Maybe confide in a family member or a close friend. And if you don’t have a good support group, please go find one.  Such as our great friends here at DBSA!

On Thursday, Haley shared with us her most recent presentation entitled “ Purpose “

She began by sharing that finding your purpose and your meaning in life can be very complicated.  She shared that after leaving a long term relationship, she felt for awhile that she didn’t know what her purpose was anymore. 

She is now in a place where she understands more fully what her purpose is. 

It’s so easy to compare ourselves with others, especially now with social media. Determining what our purpose is doesn’t have to be dramatic. It can be something as simple as making sure to take your meds every day. 

Sometimes when we are feeling low, it’s hard to know and understand what our purpose is. Self image can also affect how we look at our purpose. 

Sometimes all of the smaller things we do can contribute to our purpose and can effect others lives. If we affirm and acknowledge each day the little things we do, we will realize that we do have a purpose.

 Haley shared that she feels one of her main purposes is to take care of people. I feel that one of my main purposes is to teach others, and help and support others as well. 

This topic was a great reminder of how we each have our own purpose in life, and maybe just need a little reminder now and then.

This past Thursday, Ryne shared with us his personal experiences with ECT. 

ECT ( electroconvulsive therapy ) is a procedure done under general anesthesia.  During this procedure, small electric currents pass through the brain, causing a brief seizure. Ryne shared that when he was in high school, and waiting for five different SSRI’s to kick in, eventually his doctors told him he was treatment resistant.  ECT is usually recommended for those who have treatment resistant depression, severe depression, bi-polar, or Catatonia. 

During an ER visit, he and his Mom met a very compassionate nurse who told them both about ECT.  At the time, some of his thoughts were that ECT was too extreme, and he was frightened of the procedure. It was at this time with the great support from his Mother and many others, that he decided to move forward and try ECT.  Ryne shared that there are two types of ECT. 

1) Bilateral ECT…this is when the current passes through both sides of your head.

2) Unilateral ECT…this is when the current only passes through one side of your head. 

Normally when someone decides to proceed with ECT, doctors will recommend the treatment three times a week, for three to four weeks.  He shared that most people don’t get a positive response from ECT until after their first three visits.

Ryne had to repeat the ECT treatments twenty four times before seeing any positive results.  He didn’t experience any pain during these treatments, and found ECT to be very effective. He said the tremendous support he had received from his Mom and others during this time also helped. 

I found this information on ECT to be very informative and helpful, as previous to Ryne’s presentation, I knew little to nothing about ECT. 

This past Thursday Don shared his most recent presentation entitled “ Overcoming Failure “

He began by asking us, so what do we do when your good is not good enough?  We all make mistakes. Try and remember we learn more from our failures rather than our successes. It’s just that failure usually resonates with us more. So what do you do when you fail?  You can start by accepting how you feel. And acknowledge that failure can hurt.

For the first twenty four hours, sleep, eat, and turn to friends. Try to accept it, and feel the feels. Remember if you reject how you feel, it will sneak up on you later. Sometimes other voices may tell you that you’re a failure. Don’t let failure define you. Start an argument with these voices. 

Remember if you’re living in the past, it can prevent you from moving forward. We can learn from our past mistakes, but you don’t want to stay there.

Sometimes maybe we are setting the bar too high?  Success is trying and doing the best you can each day. The higher you set your goals, there very likely may be someone that gets in your way.  Anyone who wants to do anything important in life will fail, but you must keep moving forward.  And try to remember if you’re not failing, you’re not growing.

By having conversation with others, you may see something from a different perspective. If you want to change something, make an action plan.

The important thing is to get started and to keep moving. Tomorrow is about hard work and faith.  You have to believe it before you can see it! 

Last Thursday, Carolyn shared with us her most recent presentation entitled; Self-Importance.

Carolyn began by reminding us that self-importance should be a big part of our lives. But no matter what others say, you are important! Be your own authentic self, and remember we are all capable of love, generosity and kindness. When someone you meet shows you how they are, believe them the first time! If someone does the same thing twice, then that is a pattern and they are showing you their true self. 

There are good positive patterns that you can make a part of your life. You don’t have to do life changing things to be part of society. Some good patterns:

1) respect of others

2) hard work

3) thoughtfulness and kindness

4) gratitude

Also our own actions can reveal who we are. Learn not to fear the past or to let it define you. Use it to learn more about yourself. Don’t linger in the past. You can’t erase the past, but you can put it in the back of your mind more often. Start by getting involved in something small. The more you try and make yourself more involved in worthwhile activities, you will start to fill the void in your life. Remember we were not put on this earth to take from others, we also have to give back. We are here to contribute and we all have our own special skills, and can help others. Don’t forget that you are the most important person in your own life. Contributing to make this world better is so rewarding. And it’s important to remember that people will always remember the nice things you have done for them. If you have an inner voice or an instinct encouraging you to help others, learn to listen to that inner voice and make a difference in this world!