DBSA Omaha New Hope

As we go thru life, we all encounter many “last days”.  They are mileposts in our life.  Sometimes they are happy “last days” like the last days of high school.  Sometimes they are sad, like the last days of a loved ones life.  Sometimes they make us rethink our path.  Sometimes they are about the end of that path.

Today could be one of your last days.  Life comes with no guarantee that there will be a tomorrow, but what if, like so many times before, there is a tomorrow.  How do you want to live it?  What is important to you? What do you want to accomplish?  And when that last last day finally arrives, what do you want to be remembered for?  

Most importantly, if today was your last last day, are you the person you wanted to be?  Would others agree that you are that person?

And if you are not that person today, if given a tomorrow, what changes can you make to make yourself and others see you the way you want to be seen.  Remembered the way you want to be remembered?

If you are truly in a “last days” place, one of the things that happens almost automatically is reflection.  Some refer to this as your life flashing before your eyes.  For me, it really was not that effect but more of life happening in super slow motion. It isn’t so much your life flashing before your eyes as life slowing into a quiet private reflection, in a time of chaos or super high stress.

In that moment of pure panic and total uncertainty where does the mind go?

There are three things.

Did I live?

Did I love?

Did I matter?

So let’s take these one at a time.  When I think “did I live”, it is not the overly simplistic answer of “Why of course you did”  It is more of a question of degree. Not ”Did I live?”, but “Did I LIVE”. 

One of my favorite composers put it this way.  

It’s not how many years you live,

But how you fulfill the time you spend here. 

Did I just do enough to get by, or did I live each day with a purpose?  

Did I live each day to its absolute fullest?

This is not to say that every moment of every day must be 100% full speed toward doing as much as you can.  That would be too exhausting.  What living life to it’s fullest means to me is to have goals, drive toward them, but with the understanding that quiet time and rest is part of the process.  

Part of living your life to it’s fullest is to know yourself well enough that you know how to incorporate and recognize that rest and quiet time is a vital part of your life.

Planning and pacing your life, especially as you get older is everything.  Knowing when to step on the gas, and knowing when to apply the brakes. 

That said, now is the time to do, the time to go, the time to see.  Within your own limitations do not put off those bucket list items.  Over the past few years I have seen friends and loved ones wait too long to begin their tomorrow and now they can’t.  I do not want that to be me.  There are so many things I want to do still.  I want to live.

The second question: Did I love?

Again not the obvious answer.  Certainly I love my wife and son, but there is more.  There has to be more.  

The question really is “Did I love my life?”

This brings in everything.  My home life, my job, my activities, just everything.  

I think that I have recently reached a peace with my life.  I have sort of made a pact with myself.  If I do not love doing it, I don’t do it.  

Now this does not mean I live in nirvana and every moment is joy, bliss and love.  It means that overall, on most days, at most things, the good outweighs the bad.  Everyone has bad days, and I do too.  It is all about balance and realizing that to get every good thing, you have to put up with some bad.  To get to spend a month in Europe, you have to take a long uncomfortable flight.  To get to play on that stage and hear the people applaud makes the dreary rehearsals worthwhile.  To get up way too early way too often allows me to have a job that overall, I really do love.

“Did I love” can also mean “did I love myself”.  Did I treat myself with compassion and kindness.  Did I love myself enough that I did things primarily for myself.  Did I make those tough decisions in favor my authentic self, or did those decisions benefit others and harm me.  At the end of the day, we all go home with ourselves.  Do you love, and did you make decisions and actions that showed love, for that person in the mirror today?

And finally, “Did I matter?”

Well I have not composed symphonies or contributed much toward world peace, but I like to think at least, I’ve touched a few hearts.  

No huge accomplishments, but many little things do add up.  

Between family, my recording business, my work , and quite frankly, this group, I feel that when that day comes, I will leave this world a little bit better and a little bit happier than it was.  In short, I mattered.

In reality, all the last day is, is about turning the page and starting another chapter in your life.  And that is a choice every one of us can make each and every day.

It is about making a change.  It is about examining your life.  It is about asking yourself:  Am I living, am I loving, and do I matter. 

When you ask these questions, be brutally honest with yourself.  Could I live more fully, could I love my life and those in it more than now, and am I making the kind of difference to myself, my friends and family, and my community that really matters?  

Is this what I want out of life?

Can I be more?

If your answers fall short of your own expectations what changes are you going to make to better achieve those expectations?

About now I bet many of you are saying to yourself,

“I wish I could make changes, but I can’t change the number one thing that is causing my life to not be what I want it to be, my mental health.”  

And you are both right and wrong.  Yes, mental health conditions are what they are, but there are changes you can make to help you deal with them.  There is a whole bunch of things you can change that will help you to cope with your condition.  

You know, the things you do or do not do every day that help you deal with your life.  The things other people do not have to do.  All the stuff that you have surrounded your condition with to make it through the day.  

You can change these things and you can make the choice to make it happen.  Make the choice to help yourself to live more fully, to love your life, and to matter.

Staying on your medication, finding the right medication for you, talking about your issues, finding and keeping the right therapist.  Learning about yourself, what triggers you, and your condition.  Little life hacks that help.  What to avoid and what or who to embrace in times of trouble.  After all, isn’t that why you are here tonight?  Are you not making a choice right now by being here that you want a better life and hope that tonight, this group, in just a small way can help you achieve that?

These are changes you can make that can help change your life in a positive direction.  And for the most part, these are choices you can make now. 

Let today be a “last day” of your accepting and expecting less of yourself.  Change is a wonderful thing and it should not wait for an auto accident or a heart surgery.  In fact, it should not wait one more moment for anything.  

Make today be the “last day” of the old you.

Make those changes that allow you to live fully, love what you do and who you are, and give yourself a sense of purpose, a sense that you matter by spending your time doing things that matter.

Do it now.  Before that unpredictable last last day arrives for you.

We all have a finite amount of time on this planet.  We never know exactly how much.  Make each day matter.  Live each day so that if it does happen to be your last day, you will have left nothing to regret.  Live a life that matters.

Last Thursday, I shared with our group my most recent presentation “ Friends, Family and your Mental Health “

When you’re someone who experiences depression or anxiety, unsupportive friends or family can be challenging. If you find that the people in your life who should be your greatest support aren’t, there are things you can do to find that support. 

First you need to try and recognize that not everyone will understand your depression. Others may have grown up in an environment where they learned it was wrong to show vulnerability. Or maybe their thoughts are influenced by the stigma that is associated with mental illness. 

They might be sympathetic to you, but are unable to support you as they might be experiencing their own mental health challenges. Try being patient and maybe even offer support to that person if you are able to do so. 

Try and remember, sometimes the best way to feel better is to help someone else!  It helps take the focus off of yourself. One of the best ways to find the support you need is to start with yourself. Learn to be your own cheerleader! 

Practice being kind to yourself and keep your self-talk positive. 

And if you are not finding the support you need from family or friends, maybe consider joining a support group, such as DBSA or NAMI. By attending one of these groups, you may find that others who are going through the same challenges may be great friends to have.

There are a few things to remember when dealing with unsupportive people in your life:

1) Not everyone is going to like you, which has nothing to do with you or your like-ability!

2) Your job is NOT to please everyone or to be understood by everyone.

3) It’s natural to want to be understood and liked, but that is a want, and not an essential need. Try and understand the difference between the two, so that you can continue to move forward and find peace within.

Try and remember everyone will have an opinion, and some people may try and force you to agree with their own opinions.

Just remember, You we’re not born to meet the expectations of others, only to meet your own souls purpose, and nothing more! 

At our July 20th DBSA meeting, Pastor Glenn, the Pastor of Morning Star church where we meet every week, shared with us some thoughts on His own journey.  He shared that he began as an interim pastor of Morning Star in 2003, which is the same year that DBSA began holding their weekly meetings at Morning Star.  He shared that part of his training was to work with those that are experiencing addictions and those who also may be in dual recovery. Morning Star is currently taking part in Faith Partners, partnering along with ten different faith communities, to help support those that are in recovery, and may be experiencing addiction or mental health challenges. 

Faith Partners is located in about twenty states or so, and works with all faith communities to create a safe space. 

Pastor Glenn shared that story telling, or by sharing your own story, may change us and the person who is listening. He began by sharing a little bit of his story.  He shared that both of his parents had experienced trauma in their lives. His Dad served in the war on the battlefield, and his Mother lost both of her parents within a year of each other. He remembers his Mother learning to shut off her tears due to the trauma she had experienced. He and his Dad had a pretty contentious relationship early on, but eventually they did work things out. As he had been exposed to quite a bit of trauma in his early life, Pastor Glenn decided to go into specialized pastoral care. 

He shared that Faith Partners tries to reduce the stigma and shame that are associated with mental health challenges, and offer hope and support for recovery. 

He shared one thought that really stayed with me.  We need to remember that  we don’t have to have it all together in order to help others. We need to remember and try to understand that some people are hurting, and we need to learn to walk with them on their journey. 

Many thanks to Pastor Glenn for sharing a part of his journey with us. 

At our June 29th DBSA meeting, Don shared his presentation entitled; “ If a Tree Falls” 

Don, shared with our group that in the previous two weeks, someone shared something in his second hour group that really broke his heart. 

He began by saying that we all have a voice, and we all have something to say.

Sometimes we can relate to what our presenter is presenting tonight, and sometimes maybe we don’t.  But remember a message always takes two to complete, involving a sender and a receiver. He shared maybe tonight you are listening to something that was said, but more than likely you will remember it more so later on. But this is what our group is all about. This is what our first hour is about. 

As presenters, we all start out by sharing what we believe will connect with others, and hopefully be of value to someone.  Even though what Don shared tonight may not connect with many of you, that is okay. We are all unique and at different places on our wellness journey. 

To Don, sharing what he has to say has taken on a greater urgency, as his health has not been the best as of late.  But he feels that it’s important to share what he has learned along the way, and hopefully it will help someone where needed. 

Every one of our presenters has a unique voice, and has something to say. But truthfully, we all have a unique voice and we all have something important to say!  Everyone of us has lived experiences and has learned something from those experiences. 

We’ve all gone through times when we’ve felt that we didn’t matter. But remember that is our illness lying to us. This couldn’t be further from the truth!  You do matter and you do make a difference every day! 

You matter and you can make a difference, and you may not always know what a difference you may have made. 

Don also shared with us something called “ the butterfly effect “ 

The butterfly effect was first formulated by American meteorologist and mathematician Edward Lorenz in the 1960s. 

His theory claims that even a tiny change in the starting of an event (such as the flutter of a butterfly) could lead to drastic differences in the outcome of the situation. 

The basic claim of the butterfly effect is that even tiny changes can lead to huge differences.

The butterfly effect is a simple philosophy stating that everything that happens, everything you say or do, could lead to a domino effect with important differences. 

Don shared it’s important to remember we can’t control everything that happens in our lives. In fact, we probably only control a tiny percentage of it. 

Yet, that tiny percentage is everything we have, so it’s priceless, and we should do anything we can to make it count. Everything we can to make it matter. 

A small gesture or a few kind words may make a lot of difference in your life or  in the life of others. Most of the time we’re so busy or stressed we may not always pay attention to what we say or do. Just like Don shared, if you have something to say, say it.  Your voice does matter!  What you say and share may change the direction of your life as well as that of others. 

You may not be able to control all areas of your life, but sometimes even the tiniest changes may make a difference.

Don shared that if there was anything he wanted us to take away from his presentation, would be to remember this. 

Even at your darkest moments, cry out. Keep trying. Realize that action that looks so good to you in the moment, will have effects far and wide.

Open up and be receptive of every one else’s butterflies coming to help you, rather than sending out the dark butterflies. 

Remember if you are feeling you are worthless, use your voice and watch the beauty of the butterfly storm descend on you and lift you out of darkness.

Try and make a difference for you and the ones that love you.

Use your voice, because it matters.

You matter! 

Anthem of Hope is a speaker series on mental health.  Experts in the mental health field will present on topics ranging from how we can improve our mental health, to a discussion of serious mental illness and how to get care, to the link between drugs and mental illness.  All events are free and open to the public.  Events will be held at Hope Presbyterian Church, 5220 S. 159th Ave., Omaha, NE 68135.

Here are the details (also included on the flyer):  

Monday, July 17, 2023 at 6:30 pm, Sadie Hinkel from The Kim Foundation will provide mental health education, and Lorelle Mueting from Heartland Family Service will help us understand the link between drug usage and mental health problems.

Tuesday, July 25, 2023 at 6:30 pm, Dr. Juvet Che, Chief Medical Officer for Community Alliance, will be discussing serious mental illness and how to access care.

Wednesday, August 2, 2023 at 6:30 pm, licensed therapists Jude Connelly and Marti Finkel from Compassionate Minds Therapy will help us understand how we can improve our own mental health.  

A SUNDAY SERMON SERIES TOO! 

Everyone is also welcome to explore the intersection of mental health and the church in a three-part sermon series at Hope Presbyterian Church. Stef Rowe, licensed counselor, will preach on July 16 at 10:00 am, and Pastor Mike Geiler will preach on July 23 and July 30. Everyone is welcome in worship! 

All events will also be live streamed on Hope Presbyterian Church’s YouTube channel.  For more information and resources, please see our webpage at HPCOmaha.org/resources. 

On Thursday June  15th, two of our group members shared a presentation entitled “ Looking at PTSD from Two Different Lenses” The first view was from a male perspective. 

Our first member began by offering the definition of PTSD, which is an acronym for Post Traumatic Stress Disorder.  He shared that anyone can get PTSD.  This disorder became more known and familiar during World War I.  During that time it was more commonly referred to as “ shell shock “ 

She’ll shock was diagnosed when soldiers were unable to perform their required duties. 

A psychologist by the name of Charles Samuel Myers, wrote his first academic paper on the topic of “ shell shock” 

    Our presenter also shared that below are some of the signs or symptoms of PTSD;

1) Panic

2) easily upset or angry 

3) hyper-vigilance 

4) being easily startled 

5) changes in your mood or thinking 

6) you may have internal reminders, such as night terrors

7) high anxiety 

This member continued his own story by sharing about a time when he had a terrifying moment, when he was around 11yrs old. He grew up with his family in a small town. It was during these years that his family experienced a home invasion. One time during the middle of the night, his Mom came suddenly into his room and grabbed him and took him into his parents room. She told him that someone had broken into their house, and they all needed to stay quietly in his parents room.  For quite awhile, he and his family were trapped in his parents room, waiting for the intruder to leave. Finally his Father became frustrated and bolted out of the room and chased the intruders out of their home. As a result of this incident, this is when he began to experience the symptoms of PTSD. This incident had changed his family life at home, and he began to think about moving out of state to escape this trauma. His picture of home life had a horrible meaning to him after this incident. 

     Later on, when he was around 24 or 25, this member had just moved into

a new apartment. He noticed a new neighbor moving in next to him, a friendly young man. It was during this time that he had noticed a strange smell coming from this man’s apartment.  One night around 3am, he heard sirens and all kinds of noise and commotion going on next door. He eventually found out from his landlord that his neighbor had taken his own life. 

     During this time he naturally became very bothered by this incident, which didn’t help with his symptoms.  During this time of his life, he realized he needed help with his PTSD. Eventually he began attending helpful support groups such as DBSA. 

     Our other view on PTSD came from a Female perspective.  This group member shared with us some PTSD symptoms you may have never heard of. She shared she experiences lots of memory loss and fainting spells. She really doesn’t remember much of her childhood, only the big events and bad things that have happened. In 2nd grade one night during the middle of the night, her Mom woke her and her sister to go out searching for her Dad. They eventually found him at her babysitters house, answering the door half dressed. Her parents started yelling at each other, and finally her Dad came to the van and she tried to pull him into the vehicle. At that moment her Dad took off his wedding ring and threw it at her, telling her he now had a new family and she wasn’t part of it.  This really changed her life after this experience. She shared her Mom really wanted her and her siblings to hate their Dad. 

     It was also during this time that her Mom became emotionally abusive. During this time our presenter had a physical and the doctor asked if she had experienced any mental health related issues. The doctor also asked if anyone in her family had any mental health issues. Our presenter’s Mom then shared with the doctor that her Dad’s Dad had some mental health challenges. At this time she was diagnosed with depression and anxiety and started on Meds. 

    Things were going much better until her junior year. At this time her Mom shared that she was pregnant and that she was moving away. At that point this member moved in with her Dad. Her Dad was still with their babysitter, and they had two more kids together. Things were going well, but then her Dad and the sitter began to fight a lot, which eventually led to a divorce. It was also during this time that her Dad began to drink a lot and also became physically abusive. Her Dad then met another woman and decided to move off to Colorado. 

     So since her Dad then did move away, she rented her own apartment for Senior year. During this time her boyfriend began to physically abuse her, and she became addicted to pills during this time. She also started to have fainting spells. One of the last times she fainted, she ended up with severe burns all over her body. When in the ER, she told her Grandma that she didn’t want to live any more. It was at this time that her Grandma helped her to get started with talk therapy. Her therapist helped her to type a text to her parents to let them know she needed some space. 

     She then shared one night she was drinking with her best friend and his girlfriend, and his other friend. She remembers being in and out of it, being awake and then not awake. She woke up and realized she had been raped. 

Two years ago she was talking with a co-worker and this co-worker was sharing her story on her rape trauma. As this co-worker was sharing, her rape came more clearly into view. This is when she realized she had been raped. 

At this point she began having night terrors and sleep paralysis. It was at this time she was diagnosed with PTSD and an eating disorder. She shared that she is doing a lot better these days, as she is on the right meds and has proper coping skills. 

     I want to personally thank both of our group members for being so brave and for sharing their personal stories with us.  

At our last DBSA meeting, Miriam shared with us her most recent presentation entitled “ Anxiety x two” 

She began by sharing that lately she has had anxiety about being anxious. Most of us are familiar with anxiety, right?  Miriam shared recently she was about to embark on a trip to help a friend de clutter a family home. At the last minute, her friend decided to change details of the trip.  Advising that other family members would be picking up Miriam at the airport, rather than her friend meeting her.  And her friend not even staying with Miriam at the hotel!

Miriam already had some anticipatory anxiety about this trip, and these last minute changes caused Miriam to experience anxiety about her anxiety! 

At the last minute, Miriam was able to talk her friend into better arrangements, which helped Miriam reduce her anxiety a little bit. 

Miriam also shared with us a little bit about anxiety disorder.   When someone experiences anxiety disorder, it usually involves more than temporary worrying or fear.  It can be uncomfortable, emotionally and physically. It’s part of our “ fight or flight “ , and is our bodies natural way of fighting off fears. 

     With Generalized anxiety disorder, you may experience a fear of doing something irrational in public. If you experience anxiety, maybe try and challenge your anxious thoughts. 

– has the thing you’re worried about happened before?

– what evidence do you have that the thoughts are true? 

– think about what you have done in the past to help you cope with anxiety? 

– what’s the possibility of what you’re worried about happening? 

Try and analyze why you’re anxious about something. Miriam also suggested trying grounding techniques, which also may help if you get anxious about public speaking. 

– try and address those things that you’re anxious about, and work on ways to build more confidence. Think through your anxiety, and break down different ways you can handle. Maybe try some of your coping skills to help you conquer that anxiety. 

On Thursday June 8th, Steve shared with us his presentation entitled 

“ Managing Life’s Triggers “ 

   Triggers are usually associated with someone who has had a history of experiencing emotional trauma. And sometimes that person may feel triggered by another person or situation that can make them feel like they are experiencing trauma all over again. 

There are two types of triggers, both internal and external. 

Internal triggers…these types of triggers may be a memory, or a physical sensation.  Some common internal triggers are anger, anxiety, loneliness, muscle tension, feeling overwhelmed or abandoned.

External triggers…..these triggers usually come from our environment. They can be a person, place, or a specific situation. It may be arguing with someone, a specific date or time of day, or even certain sounds or smells.

There are ways to help manage triggers..

1). Try and narrow down your triggers to three…even though you may have several triggers, try to narrow it down to those that cause you the most discomfort. Which of your triggers may have caused the most intense feelings in the past few months?

2) try to understand what happens right before a reaction…think about exactly what is being said to trigger you. Does it matter what time of day, or who’s saying it?  Maybe you are stressed out when you’re triggered? Try journaling and write down any clues that come to mind for each trigger. 

When you think about it, triggering isn’t about what someone says or what they do. It’s more about the story you’re telling yourself about what it means. Remember that usually what someone says or does is about them. And what we hear and the way it makes us feel is all about us. 

Learn to recognize the physical signs. We all have unique physical signs when we are about to be triggered. Do you get flushed in the face or maybe your heart speeds up? Or do you feel a drop in your stomach? 

Importantly, learn to find a way to interrupt your reaction. 

There are a few ways you can try and interrupt triggers.

1) Breathing exercises..as soon as you feel those physical symptoms and you’re starting to feel triggered. Stop thinking and start breathing. Focus on nothing but your breath and how you feel. Two or three cleansing breaths will help you gain more clarity. Try doing this for two or three minutes.

2) change the atmosphere, when feeling triggered, try doing something to change your environment as soon as you can. This may not be easy at first. If you’re feeling triggered, you may need to physically leave the room. With more practice, you may be able to explain to another that you’re about to have a reaction, so you’re going to leave the room. 

3) Thought stopping…thoughts lead to emotions. Another way to try and interrupt triggers is by thought stopping. What is thought stopping? Often as soon as you’re triggered, the irrational thoughts may begin. The minute you start to feel the physical signs of being triggered, try visualizing a big stop sign. Have this be your clue that you need to stop thinking, right then, before your thoughts get out of hand. 

Positive triggers…even though it may be easy for us to easily think of the negative triggers.  There are many positive triggers.  Such as your favorite scent, or maybe the smell of your favorite food.  Or maybe visiting your favorite vacation spot.  Try creating your favorite playlist, or spend some time with your family or your favorite friends.  Play outside, or join a yoga class. Stop and listen to the sounds, maybe just the sound of a baby’s laugh that will be sure to make you smile. Get out and enjoy nature.  

Do something you enjoy that will put a smile on your face! 

On Thursday June 1st, Miriam shared with us her presentation entitled “ Self care“. 

Miriam began her presentation by asking, so what is self-care?  Self-care is when you take the time to do things that help with your mental and physical well being. She shared that professionals believe that there are seven pillars of self-care. 

1) Mental …mental health self care involves making sure you get basic treatment for your mental health. Making sure you see your doctor, therapist and psychiatrist on a regular basis. Also have a WRAP ( wellness and recovery plan ) . Make sure you are reaching out to a family member or friend if you are having a tough time.  Remember if we don’t care for ourselves, we can’t care for others. 

2) Emotional…emotional self care is about getting in touch with our emotions. Such as playing an instrument, singing, or taking care of others. All of these can be mood lifters.  This type of self care is all about reflecting on things you’re grateful for, and practicing gratitude. Don’t be afraid to say no and set healthy boundaries for yourself. 

3) Physical…make sure you are eating well, and getting exercise. Make sure you get regular check ups, and schedule that yearly physical. Try not to spend too much time indoors, and make sure and get fresh air once a day. Be sure to monitor your technology time, and don’t spend too much time on your phone.

4) Environmental…this involves taking care of the spaces around you. This could involve de cluttering your living area, or maybe organizing your work space. Or try exploring somewhere new, even in your hometown. 

5) Spiritual…spiritual self care is having beliefs and values that are important to you. We need to learn to be in touch with our core values.  Meditation or journaling can be good ways to get in touch with your spiritual self. Also spending time in nature can be a good way to connect spiritually.

6) Recreational…recreational self care can help buffer the negative situations in your life. This type of self care can help you to build up a “ bank of happy “. 

Try to learn something new and get out of your comfort zone. Go on an adventure, and take time to relax. Try to switch up your daily routine.

7) Social…this is an important type of self care. Make sure to make social connections with your family, friends, and co-workers.  It’s really important to foster these relationships. Remember, when you have a positive social life, it increases your self-confidence. 

Good self-care can contribute to your happiness. Make sure and do something that makes you happy! 

First off lets talk about truth versus fact.  

Many of us think that the truth would be easy to recognize. Undebatable.  Actually the truth is more like one of those shape-shifting aliens in the X files. It somehow manages to be a whole bunch of different things —  even opposite things — at exactly the same time.

To me, and for tonight, for all of you, here are my definitions:

A fact is something easily verifiable and agreed to by 99.9% of humanity. 

A truth can be a perceived fact seen thru a lens.  What may be a truth to me, may be far from a truth to you.  A truth is a deep, heartfelt belief.  A truth can be formed by your life experiences.  A persons truth is as unique as a person.  

In short, a person is the collection of all their truths. This is your authentic self, your true home.  When you are living according to your collection of truths, you are at peace with yourself. Maybe not with others, but defiantly with yourself. 

So now let’s talk about living our truths.  First, let’s talk about what if we lived in the perfect world.  In this world we are strong and confident.  A world without consequences.  A world where your could actively live your authentic life 100% of the time.

Even here, it takes strength and courage to admit the truth and even more to live it.  Or said another way, to live your authentic life means to live with personal integrity.

‘Simply put, Integrity is telling myself my truth, and then living it.

When you are living your authentic life, living your truths, you are expressing love for yourself.  You are treating yourself with respect and love.  Something we don’t do enough of in our daily lives.

Always remember, loving others is a choice but loving yourself is a responsibility.  Our primary responsibility.  Act in a way that your authentic self approves of.  Act in a loving way to yourself and your truths. 

Living your truth is healing. Not living your truth is divisive.  Not just to others, but also yourself.  Most lies hurt you much more than they hurt others.  They internally divide you.  Every additional lie fractures your soul further.  Eventually, it becomes impossible to keep track of the lies and to hold together all the shattered pieces of your soul. The truth is much easier to keep track of.  Even if it is more painful to admit in the moment.

All that said, we do not live in a perfect world.  But how do we fit our authentic self into a divisive world?  We must recognize that, while being honest and truth telling to yourself is good, it is also not going to work out perfectly in the imperfect world that we live in.  

Incorporating some known boundaries into your life are necessary.  You do not need to go to the highest hill and scream all your truths to the masses to be truly your authentic self.  There are consequences to being 100% truthful 100% of the time.  To avoid most of these consequences, we must recognize and accept a few boundaries to shield our authentic selves from our imperfect world.  As long as those boundaries are consistent, over time they too will become part of your authentic self.

There are a few, very few people I relax these boundaries around.  But I am quite practiced and can go behind or come out from behind these boundaries quite easily.  Sort of like having my authentic self, and a slightly different other version of my authentic self.

Our biggest fear is not expressing our truth, but that we will be attacked or belittled because of our truth.  The world is on fire right now.  We are more divided as a nation that we have been in a very long time.  And many are so dug into their positions, that there is no hope for civil discourse.  For many, the line between a person’s truth and a fact, is practically nonexistent. 

Just because a lot of people are saying the same thing loudly over and over, doesn’t mean it’s true.”

Even when the masses are screaching, Don’t bend; don’t water your truths down.  Especially don’t edit your own soul according to what someone else says. 

And when and where it is appropriate, be your authentic self.  Around friends, voice your truths.

You, your authentic self, your truth is in here, not out there.  They do not define who you are, you do.  In here is your home, your safe space, your true identity. Lying, not living your truth, only splinters your soul.  And if your soul is splintered enough, your truth starts to disappear, only to be replaced by a hollow shell of lies.  At this point, it is almost impossible to see your authentic self.

Live your truth, as much as you can.  Erect as few boundaries to your truth as is possible.  Make them small.  Do not be that person that has to constantly wonder if your friends like the real you, or they like the person you seem to be around them.  In the long run, that never works, better to be truthful from the start.  That way you know.

Just remember, the truth, your truth, is in here.