DBSA Omaha New Hope

This past Thursday, Kirk shared with us his most recent presentation entitled: 100 Ways to Slightly Improve your Life

Kirk began by sharing with us that this past May has been most challenging for him this year.  I for one was looking forward to Kirk’s topic tonight, as it never hurts to hear reminders on how we can improve our own self-care.

He began by sharing that we should try and do at least one percent more every day . By this he meant, if you have a habit you are good at, such as doing volunteer work or helping others, that you should try and do one percent more every day. And if you have a bad habit, such as smoking, maybe you can try and decrease your smoking by one percent each day.

He also shared a little bit about social media. Kirk mentioned that there can be both positive and negative social media.

He suggested that maybe on our phones, we can place the notification button to the off position, even if it’s only for a short time. Or maybe when you wake up in the morning, instead of hitting the snooze button, just shut the alarm off. 

He also challenged us to write down at least one thing every day that you want to accomplish, and cross that item off of your list when completed. 

He also asked us to learn to express more gratitude for the things we have in our life. We all can be grateful for our home and the roof over our heads, and grateful for our country, the food we have to eat, and the family and friends in our life.

We should also learn to value our uniqueness. So, what’s your why and/or your purpose? What get’s you out of bed each day? Learn to try something new, and get yourself out there, and maybe even make some new friends. 

Maybe try and do some volunteer work. Or try and do something kind for a stranger, for someone who you will probably never see again. Rather than texting or calling someone, make an effort to have as many face-to-face conversations as you can. You can also try daily affirmations, meditation or maybe even yoga? Try to learn to be open and honest with your care team and the support group that you attend. It’ very important to come to support groups and to be with like minded people. 

Try and learn more and get more educated on your own mental health. It’s important to be open and honest with your care team. Be honest with your therapist and your support group, and reach out for support if you need it. 

Kirk closed with a quote from Maya Angelou ” I’ve learned that people will forget what you said, people will forget what you did, but people will never forget how you made them feel.”

On Thursday June 6th, Carolyn shared with us her presentation entitled,

” Kindness is King”

When we meet someone for the first time, we most likely don’t know what is going on inside.  We don’t know what heavy burdens we ourselves may have lurking inside of us either. Everyone you’ve ever met has most likely fought a hard battle at some point in their life, even though it may not seem that way. When we here at DBSA recognize that someone is fighting a hard battle, we try to listen to you.  These situations bring out the best in us. This when we need to talk it out.

Carolyn shared when she talks to us about helping people, she isn’t referring to helping others with our money.

Rather we should be helping people with the ability we have to make their lives more comfortable. Maybe share a hug and a smile, or some meaningful conversation, or even some cookies!  

We should make an effort to not get so absorbed in our own troubles that we can’t move on.  Remember that when we isolate ourselves, we cut ourselves off from the solutions that are out there!  Our friends here at DBSA, and other friends and family and even perfect strangers have a way of gifting you with their beautiful kindness. 

On our road to wellness, we will all understand that the more joy we bring to others, the more our own joy will expand. The tornadoes in our area this year have brought a lot of neighbors closer together, making sure that others have enough food and drink to survive. Kindness can help us live longer. The power of kindness is undeniable.  It is one of our own special super powers that we possess. There are times when we will need to feel the touch of kindness from others. And there are also times we will need to show our kindness to others so they will know what they mean to us.

So much of what we do are things we feel we have to do. However if you do things with passion and purpose, even the most ordinary things become meaningful. So, what are some ordinary things that may bring you joy?

Some of those may be breathing, sleeping, waking in the morning, nature, food and water, conversation, laughter, friendship, DBSA, and people!

Many people do what they do just for the joy of it. Most people work as hard as the next person, but some of us may not work for the money, but they have found a way to work joyfully, So, what makes you smile, laugh and feel satisfied with life?  If you are looking for a way to feel more satisfied in life, sometimes we have to step up and get out of our comfort zone and move on and try something new!

This past Thursday, I ( Steve) shared my most recent presentation entitled; “Defeating your Inner Critic”

When I think about my own inner critic, I usually think of that ever present and critical inner voice. The one that can sometimes be un-kind to us, and tell us why we can’t succeed at something. Not really a voice we want to listen to, especially when we are trying something new and need a more positive supporting inner voice. So, what does the definition of your inner critic mean to you? Does this inner voice dictate your daily actions, and use hurtful judgments about your abilities and your worth? Normally our inner critic is formed from painful experiences you may have had when you were younger.

Sometimes our inner critic can be harsh, and most likely does not motivate us. A voice of encouragement will motivate us, and self-compassion will motivate us more. Sometimes our inner critic may be holding us back from moving forward in life. 

But unfortunately this inner critic never really disappears. But there are things we can do that will teach our inner critic to be kinder and to show us some compassion.

Try to identify your inner-critic.  See if you can figure out what this inner voice is trying to tell you. Remember that this thought is not really your point of view. Sometimes the view of your inner critic comes from an experience you have had earlier in life. Are there any past events in your life that may trigger these negative thoughts? Do these thoughts remind you of anyone?

Try using humor to cope with your inner critic. Maybe imagine that your inner critic has the voice of an animated character that you really don’t like. It may be easier to ignore the voice of our inner critic if the voice is an unpleasant one. Learn to acknowledge and accept your inner critic. Try and recognize the different people or places that trigger this critic. And then we can try to come up with different coping skills to change your negative thoughts when this happens.

Different coping skills for that inner critic:

1) meditation…usually meditation will help you become more mindful, and help you recognize these negative thoughts before you spend too much time on them. 

2) Self-compassion…this is an important one….try to remember that we are not perfect, and accept that. Remember to be kind to yourself when you are having a difficult time. Learn to focus on your own voice of kindness. Self-compassion will help to build your confidence.

3) write your own thoughts down. One way to seperate your own thoughts from the voice of your inner critic is to write them down. This will help you to realize that these thoughts are another point of view, and not your own.

4) learn to practice self-kindness. When your inner critic raises its ugly voice, try and be more compassionate with yourself. Be as kind to yourself as you would be towards your best friend. Try and be more empathetic towards your negative thoughts and feelings. 

And finally, try not to act on the thoughts that your inner-critic may be telling you. Learn to go with your instinct, and make decisions that reflect your own point of view!

On Thursday, Carolyn shared with us her most recent presentation, “ When Nothing Seems to Make Sense”

Carolyn began by sharing even though at times we may think and feel we are doing well, sometimes it only takes one event to send us into a tailspin. 

However, sometimes when you feel lost, you are probably right where you need to be. Even though you may feel that you are in a dark place, it’s still a 
mistake to focus on the negative. 

There can be certain signs when you may be in a dark place:

– you lose interest in the things you love to do.

– nothing makes sense to you

– you become more envious of others 

– -you may start to feel broken or wounded 

     If you can somehow acknowledge and accept your own mess, you will begin to understand how you got there.  And with some help from others, your own recovery can soon begin. Just remember that the emptiness may still be there if we don’t do the things we need to do. However when the darkness does start to lift, you will notice that you will find yourself in a better place. 

Carolyn shared that about five years ago or more, she was also experiencing these same struggles in her life.  After writing her thoughts down , she realized that they were indeed negative thoughts. At that point she decided she needed to make a big change. And it was also around that same time that she also discovered and started to come to our weekly DBSA meetings. And she has been attending our meetings on a regular basis ever since. 

This past Thursday, our beloved leader Miriam shared with us her presentation entitled ‘Boundaries”

She shared that setting boundaries are part of healthy relationships. So, why do we set boundaries? Setting boundaries can be an important part of our self-care, and are needed in many different areas of our life. Boundaries are part of putting your own well-being first. Setting a boundary with others can help the other person to have the best relationship possible with you. 

Setting boundaries are hard, and not easy to do. Sometimes we’re afraid to tell people what we really want. We may conceal our true feelings because we’re scared of people’s reactions. The more you ground yourself with your boundaries and values, you’ll be more clear with your communication with others. 

Types of boundaries:

a) Physical boundaries-for example hugging someone. If you’re a person who does not like to be hugged, you may have to set a ” no hugging” boundary with others.

B) Intellectual boundaries-respect other thoughts and ideas, deciding what’s okay to discuss, and learn to avoid dismissing others thoughts when they are not the same as yours.

C) Emotional-How you share your feelings and/or emotional energy with others.

D) Sexual boundaries-consent,privacy,agreements and preferences

E) Material- possessions and how you want them treated.

F) Time boundaries-saying no, or maybe only for an hour.

Do you keep adjusting your boundaries to fit each relationship? If so, you may want to reassess what boundaries may mean to you. Remember, boundaries are about your relationship with yourself and your values. If you have trouble setting and sticking to healthy boundaries, the following tips may help you:

!) Lack of boundaries stems from your self-esteem. What’s the point of saying we want to grow and get better, if we’re not going to be honest about where we are now.

2) Decide what your core values are …Who are you? What do you value? 

Once you get clear on what matters most to you, you can take the bigger step of communicating it with others. Instead of creating your boundaries around a difficult relationship, make your boundaries about you.

3) You can’t change others, so change yourself. Sometimes we will get into arguments with others, hoping and wishing or maybe even demanding they would stop being difficult. Just remember that we cannot change others. We are not responsible for what they say and do.

Since you can’t change them, just change how you deal with them.

4) Decide on consequences ahead of time…so, what can we do when someone pushes our boundaries? Decide what the consequences are. The best way to figure this out is by sitting quietly and to write down what those boundaries may be. Remember when doing this that boundaries are all about honoring your needs. And not about judging the action of others,

5) Let your behavior, and not your words speak for you. 

Present your boundaries clearly, and let your behavior do the talking. People will always test and disrespect your limits. You will know you’re getting healthier when this doesn’t get an emotional reaction from you.

6) This is the most important part. Remember to say what you mean, and mean what you say. A sure way to get someone to question your authenticity, is to say one thing and do another. Make sure and clearly communicate your boundaries with others.

I really appreciated Miriam’s talk tonight on boundaries, It made me realize how far I have come in creating my own boundaries. Like most things in life, my own boundaries are still a work in progress. 

This past Thursday, Don returned from vacation and shared with us his presentation entitled ” Something to Look Forward to”

He shared that having something to look forward to is an essential element in our mental health and wellness.

When you have something to look forward to, you experience anticipation. And we have all experienced anticipation, which is the feeling of excitement about what might happen if all goes right. So, why is having something to look forward to so important? Well humans are good at envisioning something, such as a vacation, and how they will get there.

And the anticipation of something can actually increase your happiness.

Knowing that they had their vacation to look forward to helped Don and Miriam get through the times over the past few years.

     Having something to look forward to can also give you optimism about the future. Just the mental image of a vacation for example, can be a useful coping skill. Many types of distractions can be useful as helpful coping skills. And with something possible to look forward to, you may also be able to overcome a stressful event.

Setting new goals is one way to build anticipation. Don shared that you don’t need to break the bank to give yourself something to look forward to. 

Some different things you can plan:

-Draw or paint something, do something crafty

-try something new, maybe a new hobby?

-do something creative, and have fun in the act of your creating

-play a new sport

-take lessons at something new, maybe singing lessons

-take a walk, or find a new club, maybe a walking group?

-do something with friends

-spend some time to plan something fun and exciting for you!

Remember to be purposeful about your happiness, and make some fun plans for your life.  So, how often should we plan something to look forward to?  Maybe you could plan something at the end of a workday, or at the very minimum plan something weekly to look forward to. Or maybe planning some sort of monthly event would help you have something fun to add to your calendar. Or maybe try planning something that has been on your bucket list?  The important thing is to plan something to look forward to in your life and prioritize your own happiness!

This last Thursday, DBSA  had a mental health resource night.

We were lucky to have as our guest speaker, Casey from Safe Harbor. 

Casey is currently a supervisor at Safe Harbor.

So, what exactly is Safe Harbor?

Casey explained that Safe Harbor is considered a ” Hospital Diversion” program. 

A place to go when you’re having a tough time or even just a difficult day, and you need someone to confide in.

Casey did share with us a little bit of her life story. She shared that her life has always been chaotic. Casey grew up in an abusive home, and had a very traumatic upbringing. More or less it was a ” don’t ask, don’t tell” type of environment.  Growing up she always felt like something was not quite right.

Her Mom started to notice Casey’s highs and lows when Casey was about 8 years old. At nine years of age Casey started using. Eventually she finally started talk therapy, and the talk therapy she took part in finally started to help.  She eventually received her high school diploma, and graduated from addiction treatment. She also took training to become a certified Peer Support Specialist, and through that training found a job at Safe Harbor. She feels that working as a Supervisor at Safe Harbor has given her a way to give back to the community. 

     Safe Harbor is a peer-run ” crisis diversion ” program. It’s for adults who are experiencing a crisis, and who do not need immediate psychiatric or medical care. The services are free of charge, and no insurance is needed to take advantage of the service. You can stay at Safe Harbor up to 24 hours, as an alternative to seeking help through a hospital or emergency room. Safe Harbor also has a ” warm line” which you can call for any kind of support and speak with someone who is a trained peer specialist. Their specialists are not there to judge or to tell someone what to do. Their specialists are there to lend you a supportive ear.

Safe Harbor contact info: 402-715-4226

They are located at 415 South 25th Avenue, Annex building, in Omaha.

At our meeting last night, we talked through a series of questions.  These questions will help you focus on who you are and help to to find your “why” For some of you, you will have quick answers to some of the questions because you have already thought through that question.  Some of the questions you will not have a quick answer to.  That is OK.  Think on them.  When you have an answer to most of the questions, you will be much closer to finding your why.

1. What gets you excited or is so interesting you can’t stop thinking about?
2. What do you do really well?
3. What activities make “time fly” for you?  
4. Is there a problem or challenge that emotionally moves you to take action?
5. Where is it that you add the greatest value?
6. How can I make the greatest impact with others?
7. When others come to you for help, what do they ask for?
8. If you could teach a class, what would you teach and to who?
9. How do you measure success in life?
10. What did you used to do, that you don’t do now, that brought joy to your life?
11. What kind of work has given you a sense of satisfaction or fulfillment?
12. If you were given the chance to do something that you love and not worry about the paycheck, what would it be?
13. What aspect of your life have you enjoyed across all your experiences?
14. What comes easily to you, but drives your curiosity to learn more?
15. If you were told you only had two years to live and had a pile of money, what would you do?
16. What do people thank you for?
17. What do you want people to remember you for?

On Thursday March 21st, we paid a return visit to one of our ” Situations” meetings. What is a Situation meeting you may be thinking to yourself? 

Well, prior to the start of the meeting, each one of our facilitators was given a situation, or a ” scenario”. Each scenario was a hypothetical situation which our breakout groups were given to discuss our opinions and solutions. 

My group was given Scenario#1, which was as follows:

You have become close friends with your co-worker Ben over the last couple of years. You work on a team that requires a lot of collaboration and teamwork, and lately you’ve noticed that Ben is missing a lot of work. When he is there, he isn’t contributing much, he seems withdrawn, and you’ve even noticed that his hygiene has started to suffer. The other members of your team are starting to get angry and bitter. They perceive Ben’s actions as laziness and have had conversations with your boss when Ben isn’t around about how he needs to be fired. You’ve tried to talk to Ben about your concerns, but he brushes them off and hasn’t been open to talking about them. Nobody on your team understands Ben as dwell as you do, 

So, what is your assessment of Ben? What actions will you or won’t you take to try to help?

Our response: We felt that Ben could be dealing with depression, or maybe drinking too much alcohol or taking drugs. We felt maybe we could ask Ben how we can share his work load or burden since he is going through such a tough time. If you are perhaps close friends with Ben, you could try talking with him outside of work. The most important thing you can do for someone who is struggling is to be there to support them. Try and create a safe space for Ben at work. If your workplace has an EAP ( employee assistance program) maybe suggest to your Manager to recommend this program to Ben for assistance. 

I felt that our group members in attendance really enjoyed the challenge of looking for solutions to the different scenarios we were given. It was a great way of giving each person a chance to contribute and make a difference in our group, and maybe possibly learning something new at the same time. 

On Thursday March 14th, Carolyn shared with us her most recent presentation entitled ” Can Someone who has been Broken be Healed? “

Carolyn began by answering the question, if we have been broken can we be healed? And the answer is yes! And can those that have been broken be lovable again?  And yes, of course we can!   Carolyn also talked about the mess of life that we each encounter.  

Sometimes the mess of life can either be met with delightment or frustration.

     If you feel that your life is a mess, remember that there’s nothing you can buy that will get rid of the mess.  Sometimes we must realize that the mess in our lives may serve a powerful purpose.  We can try and blame others, but it may come down more to acceptance. You need to start out by accepting that your own mess is not a problem. Acceptance is really the only way to make peace with your own mess. 

       We are all wounded and broken. We all are sensitive and insecure. So, what do we do with our broken selves? Can we be put back together?

How about maybe we need to accept that our imperfections actually make our perfect selves. We are each other’s wounded healers. Carolyn shared that our love and kindness is the gold dust glue that we need to help glue ourselves back together. But we do need to move on in life. Remember don’t let other people’s words influence or stop your desires. We all know that life doesn’t always turn out the way we expect it to. Just learn to expect your life to change many times during your lifetime. But most importantly, learn to accept these changes in your life and move on!