DBSA Omaha New Hope

On Thursday April 13th, Miriam presented her most recent presentation entitled “ Forgiveness “ 

Miriam shared during her presentation, she would present how she feels about forgiveness.  Miriam shared one definition of forgiveness.

Forgiveness “ is giving up all hope for a better past” . I really like this definition.

So, who are some of those we may be angry with, and need or want to forgive?  Family, Parents, co-workers, kids, maybe even a total stranger. Those are some.

Miriam also shared that forgiveness can also be looked at as a conscious, deliberate feeling towards someone.  If you forgive someone, it’s not saying that what that person did is okay. 

If you’re holding anger or resentment against someone, it may make you feel like a prisoner with those feelings. If you learn to somehow forgive that other person, it’s like setting a prisoner free.  And that prisoner was you! 

Remember you get to decide when or how to forgive that other person. 

Some of the hardest people to forgive are those that are closest to us. The closer the person, the harder it will be to forgive. 

One huge benefit of forgiveness is that it can lower depression and anxiety levels. That’s a great benefit!  

There are also three different types of forgiveness;

1) exoneration…which is wiping the slate clean with that other person. This may be a situation where something someone did was purely by accident. 

2) forbearance…this is a middle ground. This may mean an apology from another, but mixed with blame. With this type of forgiveness, the other person might try and make you feel responsible for the situation. 

3) release…this is the most common type of forgiveness. This is when the person that hurt you, doesn’t realize that they hurt you. The other person may be truly sorry for what they did, and may ask forgiveness. An example of this type would be if a spouse were to cheat on you. 

With forgiveness, you get to choose when to put it down and leave it there. Forgiveness does not require you to continue that relationship, but it does allow you to release the bad feelings towards the other. 

Remember, don’t let that other person that hurt you, continue to live rent free in your mind. Instead of feeling powerless, forgive that other person and move forward. This release will give you freedom!

This can also be about forgiving yourself for bad choices you have made. Try and learn to understand your emotions. Why does it really bother you if you have made a bad decision?  Try and learn to accept responsibility for your choices.

Also remember, to treat yourself with compassion. And realize it’s okay to make mistakes. Try and learn ways to grow from your mistakes.

Remember forgiveness is a good thing, and it may finally be time to forgive that other person and put the burden down! 

On Thursday March 30th, facilitator Abigail shared with us her most recent presentation entitled “ Mind and Body, Body and Mind” 

Abigail began by asking us the question, who has heard the phrase “ the body keeps the score” ? 

She shared that it’s a phrase coined by a famous trauma focused psychiatrist Bessel Van Der Kolkata. 

The meaning…frequently for people with PTSD, their minds desperately try to leave trauma behind, but their bodies keep them trapped in the past. 

Abigail shared that the history of psychology has mostly been focused on our thoughts and feelings. It’s only been recently that researchers have started to explore the connection between our brains and our bodies. 

She also shared some thoughts on somatic experiencing by sharing a definition.  

Somatic…means relating to the body. So what happens in our bodies when we experience trauma? Why do our bodies keep the score? 

When we experience trauma and are exposed to things like violence and abuse, it creates an inner car alarm system inside us.  And this constructs a body that gets stuck in fight or flight, and eventually freeze. This happens whether the danger is real or just perceived. 

When this inner alarm is going off in our bodies, our bodies will then create and release a stress hormone called cortisol. Over time elevated release of stress hormones in our body can cause damage at a cellular level. 

A public health researcher by the name of Arline Geronimus, calls this process “weathering “ which she says” literally wears down your heart, arteries, and your neuroendocrine systems. 

Polyvagal Theory…..is the theory of our nervous system and the science of safety. It’s the science behind our inner car alarm. Our central nervous system consists of two parts. The first is our brain and spinal cord. The other is our peripheral nervous system, which consists of nerves that connect the brain and spinal cord to the rest of the body. Our nervous system controls so many things, how we feel safe, and how we interact with the world. 

Ventral vagal… a healthy nervous system has three levels of activation. The first, ventral vagal, is a state of us being grounded, connected to your body, calm, safe and open to learning new things. This is where we feel curious and open. 

The second state in polyvagal theory is our sympathetic nervous system. A lot of people have heard of this, because this is where you have fight or flight. When there’s danger or risk in our environment, our sympathetic nervous system kicks in, and we go into fight or flight. During a flight response we feel panic, fear, anxiety and worries. During a fight response, we feel frustration, irritation and anger. Our car alarm is is in full effect during this time. 

The third state is dorsal vagal…this is shut down mode. This is when we freeze. When we go into dorsal vagal we shut down, feel numb, collapsed and frozen. What’s happening in this state, is the threat of emotional disturbance is so great, and we have been fighting it for so long, we shut down. 

When we’re in Dorsal vagal, the feeling is “ I can’t “

Abigail shared that when she is in Dorsal vagal, is when she starts to isolate, she stops eating, she stops taking her meds, and stops showering. 

Sound like depression or disassociation? 

Abigail also shared a little bit about what happens in complex trauma, to the nervous system, when we get stuck in any of these phases. 

Our nervous systems can get damaged if over a long time an adult stays in fight or flight, and not able to feel safe or relaxed in their body. The nervous system becomes hard wired into hyperarousal.  It damages that person’s ability to tell the difference between real danger and perceived danger. 

A damaged nervous system looks like chronic anxiety, chronic depression, and chronic mental and physical health symptoms. It’s exhausting for the body to always be on high alert, and to never feel safe or relaxed. It’s been linked to cancer, heart attacks and stroke. 

The Body Keeps the Score…

Another sign of a damaged nervous system are emotional flashbacks.  This is also one of the signs of complex trauma.  An emotional flashback is something that happens when a trigger- either external or internal- brings you back to a time in your life where you felt powerless and helpless, and the body reacts and shuts down the same way.  What’s happening in those moments is the nervous system is taking in a stimulus, a stress response, and interpreting it as danger. 

Mentally a damaged nervous system can look like chronic anxiety, a hard time navigating emotions, and emotional regulation.  You might go back and forth between highs and lows and have a hard time finding that middle ground. 

You might go back and forth between hyper vigilant and really anxious and on edge, and crashing and feeling depressed and tired. 

A damaged nervous system will also impact our cognition, and we often can’t think clearly or make rational decisions. It affects our ability to make connections with others.  It impacts our emotional regulation and our ability to manage triggers. It’s a pretty big deal! 

Don’t let yourself feel bad for a second. Your nervous system has probably been working overtime for your whole life, compared to someone who hasn’t undergone the same adverse experience. 

Top down vs Bottom up therapy…

If you’re struggling with a damaged nervous system, how do you treat this?

Top down therapy focuses on how the mind interprets information. 

Bottom up therapy refers to therapy which targets the lower part of the brain,

which would include automatic emotional responses, subconscious core beliefs, and our defense survival strategies. Some of the most effective bottom up therapies are experiential therapies, where clients are guided to actually experience their emotional inner worlds in the therapy session. Such as EMDR, brain spotting, and somatic experiencing. 

One of the most common types of top down therapy is Cognitive Behavioral Therapy. This is where you’re focusing on the link between your thoughts and behaviors and trying to question unbalanced thinking, and learn to form healthier thinking patterns. 

Finally, Abigail shared with us some tips if we may feel like we’re stuck in a sympathetic nervous state or in the middle of fight or flight. We will want to do our best to ground and connect with our body. 

She suggested the first step is to breathe. Breathing has a huge impact.

When we breath we want to inhale through our nose and we want to exhale longer than our inhale. If your inhaling for four seconds, your exhale should be for six seconds. 

The second tool you can employ is singing! I like this idea. Singing or humming stimulates the vagus nerve. The vagus nerve when it’s stimulated one of the immediate effects is our heart rate slows down very quickly.

Another great grounding tool is the 5 4 3 2 1 technique. This is where you find five things you can see, four things you can touch, three things you can hear, two things you can smell, and one thing you can taste. 

This type of technique is called orienting. 

Abigail shared that it took her ten years of trying and feeling stuck and working hard to heal her trauma. She shared that the best thing she has done for her recovery is to seek out a provider who understands trauma and practices somatic therapy. 

This was an amazing presentation from Abigail, leaving us plenty to think about! 

Dr. Jai Sookram the Director of Family Education and Peer Support Services reached out to me to let me know that he has a new Family Education class starting on May 12th. This class is offered for families of people living with mental illness. It’s a tremendous class that educates families on major mental illness, how to support their loved ones, current medication, communication skills, and crisis/relapse prevention.

It’s an 8 week free course that meets in person one night a week and I know the families I have worked with in the past who have taken it have gotten a lot out of it. I think – like us – being in a room of people that can understand what we are experiencing and learn together is a really valuable thing.

If you know of any families that are interested or have any family members in your small group who could be interested – Dr. Jai can be contacted at lsookram@commall.org or 402-341-5128.

On Thursday March 16th, our guest speaker David shared with us his presentation  “ Mental Health Through the Lens of the Mass Media “ 

     David, began by sharing with us a few definitions.  Contrary to some beliefs, people with mental illness are more often to be victims of violence, rather than the perpetrators. He shared that mass media can be a powerful influence, and frequently gets things wrong. 

     So, what does affect our understanding of reality?  Our upbringing, TV violence, schools, churches we attend, government, our own experiences, and yes mass media. Mass media tends to sensationalize to make things seem more dramatic. Mass media can also stigmatize us into believing a certain way. 

David also shared with us some thoughts on self-stigma.  Social stigma, or the beliefs or stereotypes that are reflected in society, may lead to self-stigma. Self-stigma may occur if someone internalizes public or social stigma that they may encounter.  Self-stigma can also refer to the negative attitudes, including internal shame, that some with mental health challenges may have about their condition. 

     Often the mass media seems to have distorted images of people with mental illness. Men are over represented as having serious mental disorders. 

Sometimes male psychiatrists are portrayed as lustful weird jesters, and female psychiatrists are often portrayed as persons with emotions all bottled up.  Most of us know that these distorted images are not a true reality, as there are definitely some amazing therapists and doctors out there. 

       David did share with us some film clips of various movies that reflect their view of mental illness. One movie that he shared a clip of “ Patch Adams” , seems that maybe it had a more positive outlook towards mental health than some others. 

     Since there tend to be so many negative images out there when portraying mental illness, it’s best to use your own good judgment when viewing the mass media. I always try to use good self-care, and will make an added extra effort to avoid these negative images in my life. 

     I really did enjoy David’s presentation, and look forward to when we hear from him again! 

This past Thursday, Carolyn shared with us her most recent presentation entitled “ Acknowledging your Accomplishments “ 

     Carolyn began our first hour by sharing with us her beautiful rendition of the popular song “ You Needed Me” .  She shared that she was hoping the group would be willing to share some of their personal stories, in particular things we are most proud of in our lives. Soon a lively discussion took place within the room, and people began to share.  Carolyn shared with us that at one time a few years back, she used to teach roller skating at a local skating rink. Being an instructor gave her more confidence when helping others.

     She also cleaned homes for twenty years, and began to have a really good clientele. This again helped her gain even more confidence. At one point in her life, she even drove a racing car around a local speedway!

     Another member shared that most people in his family didn’t really believe in going to see doctor’s. He has a brother that was having some serious medical issues with his sight, and had refused to go see a doctor. This member offered to pay for his brother’s appointment if he would just go see a doctor. This is something he was very proud of doing for his brother! 

     Another member shared that she started attending our DBSA group about eleven or twelve years ago. That first night she was afraid to even come into the meeting, and had trouble making it in the building from the parking lot.  Fast forward twelve years later and she still attends our group on a regular basis. This is something this member is very proud of! 

     And one more story of a different member who now does volunteering for a local non-profit. This organization helps people who are having trouble making ends meet. They may be having trouble paying their rent, utilities or maybe even can’t afford to buy food. He helps assist these clients with paying their bills from the monies that have been donated to this organization.

Something he is very proud of as well.

     All of these stories that were shared tonight have one important thing in common. These are achievements they should all be very proud of! 

This past Thursday, Jen from Region six shared her presentation with us on Region 6’s role on the community.  Jen shared that Region six is responsible for planning, developing and funding of behavioral health services in Cass, Dodge, Douglas, Washington and Sarpy counties in Nebraska. Funding for Region six is received from both Federal and State dollars. 

Jen shared that her number one priority is stigma reduction when it comes to mental health. 

She also shared that one of her main focuses is getting to know others who have mental health challenges and to be a representative of the consumer voice. Jen shared that she is using her mental health challenges to help others, rather than it being a hindrance. 

     Region six provides peer support specialist training, as well as partnering with Methodist College. Jen also shared that Region six has a Military center through Bellevue University, which provides assistance with housing, and teaching independent living skills. Region six also provides webinars which include speakers from Nebraska that are in recovery and are currently going through their own mental health journey. She shared they are always looking for folks to share their stories on these webinars. 

     They also are involved in CIT ( crisis intervention training) for therapists and others to handle emergency mental health calls. 

Region Six also works with you on your Wellness recovery, with action planning, and developing good coping skills. They assist you in giving you a voice in your own care. These wellness classes are given free of charge. 

     They also have a Living Well program, which is a virtual program that is designed to assist with chronic conditions, problem solving, and is dedicated to you finding your best self. This virtual program meets on the 2nd and 4th Friday’s of the month. Jen also shared that Region six has a consumer advisory board that helps plan these mental health services in the community.

   When asked what she is most proud of?  She shared her network of team members for their passion and dedication. I was so impressed with Jen and her knowledge of mental health services in the community. I am truly grateful for her and we are lucky to have her assistance when needed on our mental health journey. 

Last Thursday Miriam shared with us her most recent presentation entitled “ Cognitive Dissonance “ 

Miriam began by asking the room what their definition was of cognitive dissonance. One member shared their definition as; “ when you say one thing, but you do another “.  Cognitive dissonance can be defined as inconsistent thoughts and attitudes. Or as Miriam shared “ things that make my tummy cringe “.  I like that definition.  It can also be when you participate in something that goes against your beliefs or values. Doing this may cause anxiety, unease or stress in your life.

     Miriam shared that there have been events in her past that she has questioned, and she cringes at the fact that she sometimes falls for peer pressure. 

Some signs or symptoms of cognitive dissonance:

– it can lead to negative self-esteem 

– feeling uncomfortable before making a decision 

– feeling embarrassed or ashamed and afraid of reactions to what you have said.

– you may keep things to yourself to avoid strife 

– you may have external expectations 

-you may find yourself going along with things you don’t believe in 

– you may also find yourself walking away from unnecessary conflict 

This cognitive dissonance isn’t the same for everyone, and will depend on what you value.

Sometimes feeling this dissonance can lead to positive change and growth.

So, how can we reduce cognitive dissonance?

1) you can change your belief or value

2) change your actions and behavior 

3) you can change how you perceive your actions. Perceiving how your actions went, is just as important as how it went.

Try to be more aware if you are feeling a certain way, and resolve the situation.

Miriam gave a great example related to the steps above, when it comes to enjoying donuts. 

If you are troubled that you may be eating too many donuts, you could;

1) change your belief that you should not eat donuts 

2) change your actions and don’t eat donuts 

3) and change how you perceive the eating of the donuts 

I loved this presentation and always enjoy hearing from Miriam. I look forward to her next presentation! 

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Thanks to Abigail, our Facebook page has been resurrected! It is a bit sparse right now, so go add to it! Have fun! Let’s talk sometime other than Thursday night!

Last Thursday Josh shared with us his most recent presentation entitled “ You and me Ain’t Nothing but Mammals “

Josh shared that there are certain similarities in behavior when comparing humans and the animal kingdom. 

I learned that there are three parts to our brain;

1) Inner most part ( or reptilian) which is where we get our “ fight or flight “ response to certain situations.

2) the Familial part of the brain, which includes social behaviors, emotions or memory

3) the Neo-cortex, which contains higher functions, emotional regulation, and language. 

Josh shared that we share similarities in a large portion of our brain when in comparison with some animals. 

He also focused on Primates, which it seems have the most similarities with humans. He shared that Primates are fairly aggressive. All behaviors have a reason behind them, and will also tend to be passed along in your genes. 

Primates also have a dominant hierarchy, which is similar to the type of pecking order that we humans experience in our work environments. 

We humans tend to be very social animals, and animals like us are also social animals. For example, if someone has been mean to you and treated you badly, more than often that person will eventually apologize. 

We probably like to think that we are cooperative in most situations, however sometimes we humans can be very selfish. 

Josh also spoke of altruism, which is important and may help to get more cooperation in the animal kingdom and with humans. 

     He also shared that some negatives we may share with other animals are fear, anxiety and stress. As we often times have the ability to be anxious about things in our future, some animals might share this ability as well. 

Some positives we share with some animals are reconciliation, and empathy. 

  Since humans are very social, we tend to do well in inter-group activities. Such as engaging in our DBSA group every Thursday evening. We will tend to be more trusting with others that we know better. 

Sociality is a positive thing for us, even though sometimes we may struggle with this. When it comes to morality, both humans and animals share this trait. 

There can also be cultural differences within groups of animals, as there are with humans. 

Josh shared that one of the main differences between humans and animals is that we build on certain behaviors, whereas animals do not.

I learned quite a bit from Josh’s presentation, and I’m looking forward to hearing more from him! 

Last Thursday Miriam shared with us her most recent presentation entitled “ Don’t do Stupid S*#t! 

Miriam began by sharing the story of the 15 year old and his friends who were having a sleepover and decided to take the Tic-Toc Benadryl challenge. As one of these teens almost ended up in the ICU, this story really hit home with Miriam. As she has a Son of her own, this story made her stop and think. Maybe we all need to try and be that person that someone else can call when they’re in a similar situation?  Learn to look for opportunities to be there for those you care about. 

Miriam shared that she is not immune to doing stupid things. Nor is she immune to being a difficult person. 

One question to consider, what if I am the difficult person? In any situation, there will always be someone who is the most difficult. 

Miriam shared with us the importance of Emotional intelligence…which is the ability to manage your own emotions and to understand the emotions of the people around you. If we don’t try and learn this skill, we can be more difficult in social situations. 

So, in what ways can we be less difficult? 

– try to go with the flow.  If plans change at the last minute, think it through. Pause for a moment and try to be aware of your negative thoughts. Be open to new ideas.  

-try not to personalize everything . 

– if someone else succeeds, it doesn’t mean that you have failed.

– remember, everything is not about you

– learn to manage your stress, maybe try meditation 

– express your difficult emotions, and try learning to express them, rather than holding them in

– try to not be accusatory with someone you disagree with. Learn to find common ground with that person.

–  be more proactive. When you communicate with others, be assertive but respectful at the same time. When you communicate, try and watch your body language. 

– learn to bounce back from adversity. Try and make yourself more vulnerable, and maybe learn from your mistakes. We have to learn to be more honest about who we are. 

Text messages..when texting and before you respond, take a breath. Try and think about what someone may have actually meant when they sent you that text you don’t like. Think next time before you hit the send button! 

Don’t try to read other people’s mind. Assume others have great intentions, be kind, and try and de escalate the situation if needed. 

If many people begin to think that you are difficult, maybe you really need to step back and take a look at yourself. What were you really trying to accomplish with what you said? Are you truly being the difficult one? 

And above all…smile!  A smile goes a long way!