DBSA Omaha New Hope

On Thursday May 5th, Miriam gave us a presentation entitled; “ Adding Tools to your Toolbox” 

Miriam’s topic of discussion this past Thursday gave us a lot to think about. 

For those of us that struggle with mental health issues, those coping tools that we have in our tool box are very important to us. If we are having a bad day, or maybe even a bad week, very often we rely on our coping skills to get us through.

Miriam tells us If you are having a day when you are feeling lonely or sad, then think about calling a friend or try doing something you enjoy. Anything to keep your mind off your troubles. 

Or if you have a day when you are too depressed to get out of bed, then while you are laying there in bed, make a list of things you need to do and check each one off as your day progresses. It can even be as simple as;

1) get out of bed 

2) brush your teeth 

3) take a shower 

4) wash a load of laundry 

Then you can consider giving yourself a reward for completing one of the items on that list. Maybe a piece of chocolate?

Or, if you are having trouble getting motivated to clean, say the bathroom or kitchen, Miriam suggested setting a timer for ten minutes. Once you have completed cleaning for 10 minutes, set the timer again for another 10 minutes of cleaning.  You may be surprised at how much cleaning you get done.

     Miriam also touched on what you can do when dealing with difficult people.

If you are in an argument with someone, and you are dealing with someone in a difficult situation, or it’s someone you deal with on a daily basis, you can;

1) physically walk away from the situation. 

2) actively listen to them 

3) cut them out of your life 

4) or excuse yourself and go to the restroom, and never come back! ( this one is my favorite)

     Or maybe you are in a bad situation at work. If something like this happens at work, carefully evaluate the situation, and try not to blow up at work. If needed, physically remove yourself from the situation and go outside and take a walk. Or talk to another co-worker to gain some perspective. 

     Miriam went on to share a new tool in her toolbox that she has discovered.

This is a tool to use during a confrontation with someone.  If you are with someone and they are verbally attacking you, try to just sit there and let them vent, and don’t say a word. Let all of their unkindness just flow around you, without any response. And when they are finished, acknowledge their feelings, and maybe even apologize for what they think you have done, and then move on from the situation. This is definitely a new tool that we could all use and add to our own toolbox. 

     If you’re in a difficult situation such as this, who knows, maybe a new skill could come from out of the blue when you least expect it. One final quote from Miriam for us to ponder;  

           “ just because someone says it, doesn’t mean it’s true “ 

On Thursday April 21st, Steve gave us his presentation entitled “ Letting go and Forgiving “

Steve began by giving us a definition of what forgiveness means; forgiveness means different things to everyone. In general, it’s basically a decision to let go of resentment and thoughts of revenge. Whatever it was that hurt or offended you may always be with you, but forgiveness can lessen its grip on you, and allow you to let go and move on.

Sometimes forgiveness can be challenging, and might be confused with accepting something wrong that someone has done to us. It’s important to remember that forgiveness will allow you to let go of that connection you have with the person that hurt you, and to move on with or without them. 

“ Its good to remember that forgiveness benefits the forgiver more than the one who’s forgiven “.

There are seven steps to true forgiveness;

1) Acknowledge…learn to acknowledge the hurt, try to understand the person who hurt you and why did they do it?

2) Consider…..think about the pros and cons of forgiving and letting go, maybe consider how the hurt and pain has affected you. How has the pain changed who you are?

3) Accept..that you have a choice in forgiveness, and accept that you cannot change the past. Maybe it’s time to admit that your anger towards that person who hurt you won’t change anything.

4) Determine…whether or not you will forgive this person, and try and empathize with the one who hurt you. This decision may determine the future relationship you may have with the one who hurt you.

5) Repair..maybe it’s time to repair the relationship you once had with the person who hurt you. Before forgiveness can happen, try and rebuild the relationship you once had. Remember to focus on the present, and not the past.

6) Learn..what forgiveness means to you. Try and feel compassion towards the one you need to forgive. Once you’ve given yourself time to forget the past with the one who hurt you, forgiveness will be a way for you to find closure.

7) Forgive…decide to forgive the person who hurt you. Sometimes this may be a silent forgiveness, maybe something you will only acknowledge in your heart.

Steve also talked about forgiving yourself. Sometimes you may find it hard to forgive, if you blame yourself for what has happened. This is where some self-compassion and self-forgiveness may need to happen before you can forgive another. Just try to remember if someone decides to hurt you, it’s never your fault.

Once you’ve forgiven someone in your life, it’s also important to move on. If you practice forgiveness it will help you;

1) Focus on everything good you have in your life 

2) It May teach you more about the importance of compassion, and having empathy towards others.

Some more tips for letting go;

1) Try creating a positive mantra, to help you reframe your thoughts and to move on.

2) Practice mindfulness, if we try harder to bring our focus to the present, our past will have less of an influence on us.

3) Be kind to yourself 

4) Remember to practice self-care

5) Be with others who make you feel good!

Most importantly. allow peace to enter your life once you have forgiven someone.

Well, it’s that time of year again. Time to elect our new board of directors!

You may have a few questions such as:

What does a board member do? Board members collectively manage our group. They set policy and make decisions regarding all aspects of our group. Basically, the board is the engine that makes our group work!

What is the time commitment? The board meets monthly, usually on a Saturday morning, ideally the second Saturday of the month at 10am. Meetings are usually 60-90 minutes with a separate meeting of facilitators and presenters that follows for about another hour. You do not have to be a facilitator or presenter to be on the board and you do not have to be on the board to be a facilitator or presenter. More on that below.

What are the qualifications for being a board member? Simply a willingness to help. Whether you are new to the group last week or have been a member for many years, it does not matter. Enthusiasm is all that is required! New people and new ideas are always more than welcome.

What are the benefits to me of being on the board? Being on this board is a super positive experience. Like our group in general, we have fun at our meetings. We talk things through and are not divisive. We reach a consensus rather than have an argument over issues. And most importantly, we become friends. Friends working toward a common goal, to make this group the best it can be.

What are the opportunities for me to serve the group? Each member of the board brings different strengths and experiences to the meeting. We try to use the talents of each member while remembering why we are all here. Taking on responsibilities is always optional. No matter if it is a board office like president, or a more informal position like webmaster or blog writer, it is up to you to decide how much you do.

What if I want to help the group, but being a board member is just not who I am right now? We get that and there are other ways you can help without being a board member.

1. You can be a presenter! One of the strengths of our group is the number and diversity of experiences of our first hour topic presenters. If you are interested and have a topic you would like to present, tell one of the board members. Our presenters attend the second hour of the monthly board meeting where we build our topic schedule, do training sessions, and talk about what works and what doesn’t when presenting to our group.
2. You can be a facilitator! Facilitators lead our second hour small groups each Thursday night. Again, we ask that our facilitators also attend the second hour of the monthly board meeting where we hold training sessions to help you deal with the issues that come up during second hour.
3. You can help with special projects! Less of a time commitment but we do need help organizing special nights and special events for our Friendship project events among other things.
4. Volunteer to help out at our booth at the Pride Festival July 13th! This is our biggest community outreach event of the year. Talking to and handing out cards and pamphlets to over 1000 people every year, and then seeing someone you talked to show up at group can be one of the most personally rewarding things we do each year.

Great! How do I get started?

1. I want to join the board. By the end of May send us a 3 to 5 sentence (short!) summary of who you are and why you want to be on our board. These summaries will be posted on the online ballot for member voting during the month of June. If you are successful, you will join the board starting with the July meeting on July 20th. Send your summary to the group email address, newhope.dbsa@gmail.com
2. I want to be a presenter. Talk to Don, he is in charge of that sort of stuff. Or email him at miriamdon@aol.com. Plan on attending the second hour (11am), of the July 20th board meeting and come with ideas for topics you would like to present.
3. I want to be a facilitator. Again, talk to Don or email him at miriamdon@aol.com. Plan on attending the second hour (11am) of the July 20th board meeting. We will start getting you up to speed on the dos and do nots of leading a second hour group session.
4. I want to help with special projects. Contact Miriam, our current President at newhope.dbsa@gmail.com. Tell her what you would like to help with!

On Thursday, April 7, Amber gave her presentation entitled, “Somantics With Breath” which was an experiential adventure into using Somantic (body movements) with breath to calm an anxiety attack. 

Amber told about her life experience where as a massage therapist in California working for chiropractor she could not get her patients to heal with just touch massage along. Something was still impeding their recovery — the willingness to drop their beliefs, judgments, thoughts and negative emotions about their illness or injury. 

Amber’s class started with shaking off the stresses of the day and then she walked us through the 5 stages of healing an anxiety attack. They are:

Recognize the symptoms of an anxiety attack 

Find your self love which so you can start your healing journey 

Set an intention to heal this anxiety situation 

Find the inner courage— Your “why” you want to heal this situation

Doing the techniques that work 

To help us remember the characteristics of a anxiety attack, Amber played several minutes of  comic, Adam Ferrari doing a sketch called It’s Scary in Here from YouTube. 

This was followed by a few minutes of an anxious cat acting out and attacking a dog from Cats Being Superjerks on Youtube. This was to illustrate the anger and crazy behavior that can follow not effectively dealing with your anxiety.

Amber explained that the most immediate concern in conquering an anxiety attack is calming down the panicky mind, restoring some balance to the brain and integrating the Left and Right Hemispheres so you can find a solution to the problem causing your anxiety.

The group shared their symptoms of an anxiety attack which involved feeling warm, spinning mind, shallow or lessened breath, hypertension, headaches, tight neck & shoulder muscles & queasy stomach.

The various breathing techniques—deep abdominal breathing, and expelling the anxiety—that she demonstrated energetically relax the body and brain and help it to release anxiety. 

Then Amber said it was important to build the self love, strong intention and inner courage to deal with the anxiety situation. She demonstrated several imaginative and body focused techniques to deal with this. 

Amber said we have to rebuild our self love and willingness to overcome the anxiety challenge so we have the momentum, stamina and courage to deal with the situation.

Then she walked us through some movement exercises from Brain Gym called Cross Crawl, walking backwards, and Brain Buttons which also coordinate the Left and Right hemispheres of the brain and promote problem solving. 

She ended the evening with a song, Brave, by Sara Bareilles also on YouTube. 

Amber loved the laughter, sharing and open mindedness of the group. 

On Thursday March 31st, Becki gave us her presentation entitled “ Mindfulness “

Becki’s presentation on Mindfulness was very informative, and explained to us that when it comes to mindfulness, there are three states of mind;

1) Emotion mind- is where you make snap decisions, and tend to have lots of judgment of others 

2) Reason mind- Uses facts, acceptance and observations 

3) Wise mind- Is a balance of Emotion and Reason mind.

Becki advised neither emotion mind or reason mind are sustainable, and it’s better to have a balance of both with Wise mind. 

She advised that awareness is the first step to becoming more non-judgemental. That trust begins with having basic trust in yourself, and you should honor your feelings, and take responsibility for your own well being. In life there is no goal, but to just be yourself. When it comes to mindfulness, we need to use acceptance and acknowledge things as they truly are. We all have to learn to let go of the negativity, and just notice, observe and cling to nothing, and decide what comes in and what goes out. 

     Becki advised when it comes to mindfulness, it’s important to practice being grateful, and pay attention to the small moments. Don’t take life for granted, and learn to notice your environment more. Try to be still and completely open to your field of awareness, and learn to stay centered! 

She also advised mindfulness is a way for someone to gain awareness of their feelings, so that you can help make more informed choices. Becki encouraged us to develop mindfulness to use as a tool in our own tool box of coping skills. She advised we should use it as a tool to slow down and center ourselves. 

Also when it comes to mindfulness, there is what’s known as a Beginner’s Mind, where you should train your mind to be willing to see anything, and maybe next time you are talking to a family member, take time to listen to their voice, and take each experience with them as unique. Practicing Mindfulness will allow us to be mindful in nature and play everyday. Learn to not take everything so seriously, and pause and respond to nature. Most of all. how we center ourselves will bring us wisdom and peace. 

Make sure and join us next Thursday at 7pm, when facilitator Amber will be presenting “ Somatics with Breath” 

On Thursday March 24th, Steve gave a very informative presentation entitled “ Stress vs. Anxiety “ 

Steve began his presentation by discussing what the basic differences are between Stress and Anxiety. Steve advised usually the origin of stress is external, whereas anxiety is internal. Stress tends to be short term, and anxiety can be long term and persistent. Stress has a recognizable trigger, however a trigger may not be identifiable with anxiety. The basic emotion of stress is feeling overwhelmed, and the distress caused is mild. The basic emotion of anxiety is feeling worrisome and fearful, and anxiety can cause severe distress.  The outcome of stress can be burnout, whereas you may experience some form of panic attacks with anxiety. Treatment for stress is building healthy coping skills, and coping skills along with therapy and medication may be needed for anxiety. 

     Steve advised that he has been experiencing a lot of stress at his job recently, and that he was grateful for his many outside activities that help him to balance out the stress. He advised that anxiety is often a response to fear or uncertainty, or doubts you may have about something that’s causing you stress. Anxiety normally will not stop when the external stressors stop, and sometimes more stress may cause more anxiety.

     Steve also talked about differences between everyday anxiety, and a possible anxiety disorder. He advised normal anxieties can be a reaction to difficult times, and extreme anxiety usually comes out of nowhere. Everyday anxiety has a start and an ending point, where extreme anxiety can be ongoing and last for weeks or months, interfering with day to day life. 

Steve gave a few techniques/ reminders to help reduce stress and anxiety;

1) limit caffeine and alcohol intake 

2) make sure you’re getting enough sleep 

3) get regular exercise 

4) meditate or do yoga 

5) set aside time for hobbies 

6) practice breathing exercises 

7) try keeping a diary of your feelings and things that cause you stress 

8) open up to loved ones about your feelings 

Also, Steve gave us a few fast-acting stress relief ideas that work well:

1) Get a hug from a loved one, or anyone you know who doesn’t mind hugs. Just the act of physical touch can relieve your stress. When you hug someone, oxytocin ( aka as the cuddle hormone) is released. This hormone is associated with greater happiness, and can lower stress levels.

2) enjoy aromatherapy…as it has real benefits of stress relief. It may help you feel more relaxed, and more present in the moment. 

3) Meditation…can bring short term stress relief, as well as lasting stress management benefits.

4) Create artwork ..sometimes getting in touch with your creative side may be a great way to reduce anxiety or stress, such as adult coloring books, or maybe take up crocheting. 

  Steve advised the most important thing is to have social support, and having supportive people in your life is very helpful with stress management. This may mean reaching out to your network of friends, or if you don’t have a good support group, go find one, such as our great friends here at DBSA!

Make sure and join us at 7pm on Thursday March 31st, when Becki will present the topic “ Mindfulness “ 

On Thursday March 17th, Carolyn gave a very informative presentation entitled “ Decluttering at the Speed of Life” 

Carolyn began her presentation by giving her definition of clutter;

What is clutter- a confusing, disorderly state, and anything you can’t keep under control. She advised time can be cluttered, as well as your mind. If you happen to have a space that gets out of control and is closing in on you, or maybe interfere with your life, that can be clutter. 

When it comes to clutter, just knowing that you’re not alone, does help with the struggle. Dealing with the clutter won’t be easy, and you do have to be ready and in the right mindset. Carolyn advised that we don’t know what causes us to hold onto certain items. A lot of us tend to focus on the future rather then focus on the current, which may be one reason clutter develops.

The Container Concept;  

Carolyn went on to say that the purpose of a container, is to keep things under control.  Each room in our houses is a container, and consider your entire house as a container as well. However our houses, rooms, closets, drawers and cabinets all have limits as containers. Carolyn said it never has occurred to her before that there could be limits on space in your house. Once you learn to accept these limits, it can be very freeing. 

So, how do we de clutter? You begin by focusing on one room at a time, doing what you can, when you can, or “ decluttering at the Speed of Life “ 

Decluttering is simply getting rid of stuff you don’t need in your house anymore. You will be functioning better with less, and realize less is good. 

Also go by the visibility rule, and determine what does a guest see when they come into your home? Start by decluttering the most visible room first, and then work onto the next room.  Carolyn advised the two most important things you need are a black trash bag ( to throw things away) and a donate box, for the things you will donate. 

Also when it comes to decluttering, don’t think about being perfect, just give yourself permission to declutter. Clutter can give you anxiety, and may interfere with your relationships and make you not want to have people over.

1) first step, pick up trash and remove 

2) do the easy stuff now, once you remove the trash 

3) de-clutter, these items go into a donate box

4) ask the question,  if I needed this item, where would I look for it? And if you don’t have space for the item, just make it fit!

Carolyn advised that the best thing about de-cluttering is that it will make it easier to clean!

Make sure and join us at 7pm on Thursday March 24th, when Steve will present the topic “ Stress vs Anxiety “ 

On Thursday March 10th, Don made a presentation entitled “ Overcoming Failure “

Don began by sharing a personal story with our group, a story of failure.

What Don has learned is that failure can rear its ugly head at any time. So, what do you do when you fail?

1) For the first 24 hours, just accept how you feel. Remember to eat, and get your rest. You can actually grieve over your failure. Let it hurt for awhile and process the hurt. Your job is to feel the feels, and get through the first night.

2) You are not a failure, you had a failure. A rejection may become a feeling that all people are rejecting you. You may have failed, but you are more than your failure. Start an argument with those negative voices in your head.

3) Processing the situation is essential, and the past is what we evaluate and learn from. Think about what part of your failure you can control, as you are not responsible for it all. When you have the answers you are looking for, forgive yourself and don’t look back.

4) Remind yourself anyone who wants to do anything of value will fail.

5) Let it out into the light, don’t keep it bottled up inside. Talking with others releases that inner pressure. Share your story, as it can help others.

6) Make an action plan.  It’s where you start, if you don’t make a plan and start down the path, you may have a fear of failure. The important thing is that you start!

7) Realize while today is painful, tomorrow does not have to be. Tomorrow is about hard work and faith. Work to make changes where you have failed, so you don’t fall again. Just keep going and keep trying and failing in new ways.

When you fail, just walk on! 

As always, a great presentation to reflect on from Don.  Please join us next Thursday March 17th, when Carolyn will be presenting the topic” Decluttering at the Speed of Life” 

On Thursday February 24th facilitator Miriam began our meeting by giving us a presentation on “ Things Mentally Strong People Don’t do, Part IV“

Miriam began by reviewing some reminders of things mentally strong people don’t do from previous segments of her series; 

1) They don’t dwell on the past 

2) They don’t waste energy on things they can’t control 

3) They don’t fear change 

4)  They don’t give up after the first failure 

5)  They don’t isolate 

6)  They face their fears 

7)  They don’t fear alone time 

Miriam discussed how important forgiveness is, and how forgiveness is really giving up any hope for a better past. 

When you are dwelling on the past, sometimes you may be dwelling on the negative. Being stuck in the past can keep you from moving on in your life.  When you focus too much on what happened in the past, you may lose sight of your future. And don’t romanticize the past, as it can be bad for your mental and your physical health. 

Miriam went on to mention that her Father will sometimes remind her and say be sure you “ engage your brain, before engaging your mouth “ In other words, we need to remember that instead of dwelling on emotions, we should dwell on facts! 

Miriam reminded us that making peace with the past is a sign of strength. Making peace with the past will make you stronger. When reflecting on the past, dwell on it just long enough so you can learn from it. 

Working on the now really is more beneficial! 

Please join us next week, when on Thursday March 3rd, Amber will be presenting her topic on “ Humor “ 

Our first Friendship Project event was a great success. We met at Scorz in Ralston and played games for three hours Saturday afternoon. Best part of all, everyone got to know one another a bit better. As a bonus, some of our members even got to meet Deb and Todd, our long time Secretary and Treasurer. We played Apples to Apples, Pit, some card games, and Smart Ass. A few even bowled a few games.

We ended up playing two truths and a lie, and a real fun game where we had to give answers to questions based on a random letter of the alphabet. Pizza and pop and more than a few cookies and chips were consumed. We finished up by announcing our next Friendship Project event for late April. Come to our weekly meetings to find out what it is and to sign up!