DBSA Omaha New Hope

So how do you measure a year?

We start by asking ourselves questions.

While we can’t change the past, we can learn from it.

1. When you think back on this past year, what are you proud of yourself for?
2. What surprised you from this past year?
3. What worked well the past year that you are grateful for?
4. What was challenging or disappointing?
5. What were your most meaningful moments?
6. Where did you fail? 
7. What did you do this year that you’d never done before?
8. Compared to this time last year, are you: happier or sadder? 
9. What do you wish you’d done more of?
10. What do you wish you’d done less of?
11. What kept you sane?
12. What valuable life lesson did you learn this year?
13. What was your biggest triumph?
14. What was the smartest decision you made?
15. How have you seen yourself grow this year?
16. What was the biggest risk you took in 2022?
17. What is your biggest piece of unfinished business?
18. What would you like to do next year that you didn’t do this year?

And of course the really big question tonight…

Regardless of how 2022 went for you, how are you going to make 2023 better?

But rather than talk about it, or make yet another new year’s resolution, Don encouraged us to simply do it.  

To Take action.  

We can talk about the future all we want, but what is important is what we actually do.  

Not what we say we are going to do, what we do.

Do you repeat the same mistakes of 2022?

Do you let everything stay as it is because it is easier than making actual changes?

As we all know, those changes can be scary. 

Don challenged us to break out of our cages and move toward a happier life.

To do whatever it takes, because doing, rather than talking about it is the only way to make your life actually better.

To do what you know down deep in your heart, you need to do.

Do what it takes to find true freedom, true happiness.

Break out of the self imposed, sometimes comfortable cages that hold you back.

Overcome 2022 regret.

Overcome 2023 fear.

Just do.

I challenge you to make 23 better than 22, no matter how good or bad last year was for you.

I challenge you to make bold changes with courage.  

To reimagine yourself.

Because you are the only one that can do it.

And why would you wait even a second to do something that would be good for you.

There truly is no day like today.

Real change does not happen in the loud public moments of life.  Not with the ball drop, the fireworks, and everything else that goes along with new years.

Real change happens quietly. 

This year, instead of loud public resolutions, choose quiet change and have your best 2023.

Last Thursday Haley shared with us her most recent presentation, entitled 

“ Coping with Change” 

At tonight’s presentation, Haley began by reminding us that life is full of changes, some good and some bad. Haley shared that a couple of years ago she had met someone special, and she had started to share her life with them. They eventually decided to move in together, and started sharing their life together. Even though she felt very happy, Haley one day started to notice things were feeling a little off. It was at that time Haley’s boyfriend shared that he was never planning on getting married or having children. Of course, this was not what Haley had in mind for her future. I would say that this was a major change for Haley’s life. 

So, how can we adapt when we have major change like this that comes into our lives?

Ways to cope with change;

1) Plan ahead….starting a new job? If you have landed a new job, you could try job shadowing for that job you are thinking of starting. And make sure you have a back up plan. If for some reason that new job prospect falls through, have your back-up plan written down. 

It’s important to remember: You don’t have to be on top of everything! 

2) Re-frame your thinking….remember don’t let your negative thinking get in your way. Write down the Pro’s and Con’s of a decision you are dealing with. 

Take your time and reflect, and be mindful and present in the moment.

If necessary, vent to someone if you don’t like a particular situation.

Strive to make and keep a routine in your life, such as;

– make a list of your priorities 

-create comfort in your life. This will help you create a routine. 

– make a list ( maybe even add it to your phone) of all the things in your life you are grateful for. 

And remember to try and clearly evaluate the change, as changes can happen fast. But you can be resilient and handle these changes! 

Last Thursday was Don’s most recent presentation entitled “ The Fire” 

At tonight’s presentation, Don began by turning out the lights in the room, and lighting a small candle in the middle of the room.

The fire…always burning. Many of us have a fire. It might be booze, pills, or maybe even a person or a place.  ( it doesn’t have to be a real place) This fire is always with us. 

Don shared that many of us have escaped the fire once, or maybe several times. And usually at the worst time, the fire tries to take control. We know our fire is always there calling us.  Our fires can end us.

How do we fight this fire? The stronger you build your boundaries, the more resilient you will be. To find this strength we need comes with time and practice. And remember, we don’t need to face the fire to build inner strength.

Don went on explaining that we do not need the strength to defeat our fires, just enough strength to summon help at that very dark moment, the moment where the seductive voice of the fire is calling to us.

So, how do we summon the strength needed to face the fire?

By trying different mental exercises.  The exercises help us develop mental focus, the type we need to see through the flames and to call out for help.

For example:

1) pick a day to be positive, no matter what you face that day 

2) take a day off from the internet 

3) have a day of complete mindfulness 

4) for a day, question your actions. Are they what’s best for you?

5) for a whole day, delay your responses

Think about the others in your life. List them out and the reasons why they are so important in your life.  Envision what their lives would be like without you in it.

Start training your brain to fight the fire. 

The most important take away from the meeting is to have a someone. A someone to turn to, to call out to, that understands what is at stake at that moment. A someone to help summon professionals, and to sit with you until they arrive.

Don stressed that if you do not have a someone, open up to a friend or a family member, knowing that the consequences of opening up could be nothing compared to the consequences of not opening up.

Don then led a special second hour session where members could discuss their experiences with their fires. 

Last Thursday November 10th, we were treated to Abigail’s most recent presentation “ Toxic Shame Cycle “

At tonight’s presentation, Abigail wanted to share with us a topic that affected the path of her mental health journey a lot. Her topic tonight was shame. She started out by identifying what shame is, and how it affects those of us with mental health challenges. A word that’s usually associated with shame is Guilt.  She shared that guilt is usually based around an action, and feeling remorse for something you did wrong. Shame can also be a feeling that you are bad or inadequate. 

Abigail shared that shame is really common among people that struggle with mental health challenges.  Shame can also be prevalent in trauma survivors and also in children who have experienced abuse and neglect. She advised children start to feel shame at about 18 months old. And the reason children who experience abuse and neglect are so prone to shame is is that children’s brains are egocentric. This meaning that from the time people are babies to around 7 years old, young children only see everything as it relates to their experience. 

Abigail did share with us that she really wanted to cover this topic, as it is the biggest thing that prevented or slowed her mental health recovery when she was in her teens and early 20’s. 

So, how do we heal from toxic shame? 

1) acknowledge our thoughts…if we want to heal from it, we have to acknowledge it. It’s important that we do this in a non-judgmental way. 

2) recognize your triggers…..more than likely certain people or places cause you to feel shame. So, you need to do the work of recognizing your triggers, and learn to either avoid these triggers or build coping strategies to handle them.

3) challenge and reframe your thoughts…shame can feel pretty intense, and may cause you to react. Try questioning your thoughts before they get too extreme. Ever heard the phrase “ feelings aren’t facts “ ?  If you’re feeling shameful or inadequate, try to acknowledge that you are feeling inadequate and try to determine the reason why.

4) practice compassion…practicing compassion involves loving yourself. And accepting love and kindness from others. The more we practice this, the more likely it will be that we heal from toxic shaming. Try by writing a list of your best qualities, and make sure and practice self-care that makes sense to you.

5) reach out…connection is a vital part of shame resilience. It helps us to feel valued and accepted. Shame usually thrives when we are feeling most alone. When separation from others is removed or lessened, that feeling of shame loses it’s power over us. 

Make sure and reach out to others. You can practice this by joining us at our weekly DBSA meetings! 

One of the great traditions that many families have at Thanksgiving is going around the table and each person tells what they are thankful for.

That is exactly the discussion Don led us through last night.

First we talked about how expressing gratitude helps us both physically and mentally. 

We started talking about the “Big Picture” and what major things in life we are grateful for.  We opened up the room and everyone contributed.  Some of the topics that were brought up were:

1. Your family
2. Close friends
3. Good health
4. Your home
5. Your job
6. Healthy food
7. Your education
8. Your pets
9. A good night’s sleep
10. 10.Having enough money
11. Weekends
12. 12.Art
13. 13.Teachers
14. 14.Modern healthcare
15. 15.Music

That was big picture, but we also talked about  small things that are part of our everyday life.  Some of the topics included were:

1. Indoor plumbing
2. Food delivery services
3. Wifi
4. Netflix
5. Fuzzy Socks
6. Deodorant
7. The ability to Google any question
8. Toilet Paper
9. Duct Tape
10. 10.Good hair days
11. Bacon
12. 12.Fortune cookies with perfectly timed fortunes
13. 13.Cat videos
14. 14.GPS
15. 15.Auto save
16. 16.Spellcheck
17. 17.Chapstick

That was followed by a discussion of what about Thanksgiving itself we are grateful for?

1. Holidays with family (or friends)
2. A good meal
3. A comfy couch or chair
4. Your favorite Thanksgiving side dish
5. Uncontrollable laughter
6. Pie
7. Seeing old friends
8. Grandparents
9. Not being the turkey

We finished with talking about our group.  One person after another contributed what our group has meant to their lives.  It was an inspiring and heartfelt end to a great meeting!

Last Thursday October 27th, we were treated to Don’s latest presentation, with a Halloween appropriate title “ The Masks we Wear”

Don began by sharing that Halloween’s origin began as an ancient Celtic holiday , with the wearing of masks. He also reflected that as recently as a year ago, we were all wearing masks due to the pandemic, which gave us a place to hide. Now things are much different.

     But many of us do wear masks every day, both intentionally and unintentionally. Lately Don has felt like he has been putting his armor on, and wearing a mask more often. 

     So what is a mask? A traditional definition is ; a covering used to protect ourselves. Masks can be emotional.  They may be a false front, as sometimes we build false fronts and hide behind them to get through the day. These emotional masks can protect us from the cruelty of the world. 

Types of Masks…

1) Identity mask…this mask is used to hide who we are from others. This mask can also be a better one to use for conflict avoidance, or for survival. When wearing this mask, you may find that the real you will try to come out.

2) Emotional mask….this mask will usually hide what you are feeling. This may be a mask that you started wearing, if you grew up in a family that would hide their feelings. Don related that his wife Miriam grew up in a very talkative family, whereas Don’s family was the very opposite. The emotional mask can help you get through difficult situations. If you happen to be going through something difficult, sometimes you need to let the emotions flow. It is possible to overuse an emotional mask. Sometimes we need to process our emotions to get to inner peace. 

3) Situational mask…..different situations may require a different mask. Such as giving a presentation at our Thursday night group. Or when you are meeting a new person for the first time. It’s important to assess the situation you’re in so you are wearing the appropriate mask. 

What are some things that all masks have in common?

– all of these masks serve a function 

– they help protect you from ill-intentioned people 

– wearing a mask is one way of setting boundaries. Sometimes it can be healthy to keep new people you meet at an arm’s length until you get to know them. 

There are also some reasons to shed your mask;

1) shedding your mask will help you to live up to your potential 

2) we often mask special parts of us that we should share with others 

3) relief..it can be exhausting to wear a mask all the time. You may not be living an authentic life if you’re always wearing a mask 

4) healing…when wearing a mask, we carve a piece of ourselves out. And we can’t be healed in life unless we feel all the feels and never hold back.

How do we remove our masks?  If we remove our masks, you may get to know yourself better. We need to be willing to take risks and live our lives fully. And don’t pull your mask partially off and let the world scare you. 

Remember being maskless requires courage, but will ultimately reveal the person we truly are. 

Last Thursday October 13th, we were treated to Miriam’s recent presentation entitled “ Boundaries “ 

Miriam began by sharing how she has recently had to set some new boundaries with her Son. Her Son lives in a different state, and has gone back and forth about possibly moving back to to be close to her, as well as being indecisive about his work life. She shared that she feels renewed after setting boundaries with her Son. Sometimes in life you even have to set some boundaries with family members. 

She also shared that there are usually three different areas where you should set boundaries. Those three are work, at home, and with yourself. 

     Sometimes when setting boundaries, you will learn to separate your “stuff” from other “stuff “.  When you start to set some boundaries in your life, there will be some signs that your boundaries may be too rigid. Some symptoms of boundaries that are too rigid may be that you don’t have any close relationships or you may be isolating and staying home too much. 

In a relationship, ( this includes any relationship with others) you will want to set healthy boundaries, which may mean you may spend time doing things you don’t necessarily want to do. This would be part of a healthy relationship.

     There are also three different types of boundaries, which are emotional, mental and physical. Emotional boundaries are about your feelings and your ability to express those emotions. Mental boundaries are your thoughts or beliefs, and are about sharing your emotions with others. And physical boundaries are the limits you set regarding your body. 

Your boundaries are also based on how you are feeling at the time. And boundaries can also be about saying no and yes. Once your boundaries are set, you will need to communicate your boundaries! 

     Ways to set your boundaries:

– Setting your boundaries have a lot to do with self-esteem. We need to evaluate what we value.

– You need to be able to state your boundaries 

– Decide due to your core values, where your boundaries are set.

When setting your boundaries, accept you can’t change others, only yourself.

Setting boundaries are all about honoring your own needs. Once you’ve decided your boundaries, you need to let your behavior speak for your boundaries. The most important part of setting your boundaries is learning to communicate your boundaries. You need to be comfortable and state what your boundaries are. Just remember you matter, and your opinions matter. Setting boundaries is not easy, but it can be very rewarding.

Last Thursday we were treated to Steve’s most recent presentation, entitled “Trusting your Intuition  “

Steve began by sharing ideas as to what intuition actually is. Some people may call it a hunch, or a gut feeling, or maybe even refer to it as your instinct. 

Some think that trusting your intuition can be the best choice in some situations. 

He shared with us a few signs of gut feelings: 

– you may have tension in your body 

– “ butterflies in your stomach “

– a sinking sensation in your stomach 

– sweaty palms or feet

– memories of a certain person or situation 

– a feeling of peace after making a hard decision 

You may look at intuition as being based on your awareness of a certain situation. Intuition can also be an awareness or wisdom about something that you just can’t explain.

There are a few signs where your intuition is on target:

1) when you have a worry or concern that you are dealing with, don’t be surprised if you start having vivid dreams. This could be a sign that your subconscious is working through different scenarios looking for a solution.

2) Nagging thoughts…..if your mind keeps on playing the same situation over and over again in your head, don’t ignore it. This could be your intuition trying to tell you something. These thoughts may be related to any areas of your life, so allow time to stop and reflect on this.

3) you’re able to pick up on the energy of others; if you’re able to notice someone else’s energy, and it feels like a positive or negative vibe to you, then that could be your intuition stepping in.

4) you feel like you know about things before they happen. Have you ever felt like you knew what someone was going to say, even before they say it? That could be your genuine understanding of people, and could also be your intuition at play.

5) at the right place at the right time…if you’re feeling this way, then you are probably listening to your intuitive inner voice guiding you in the right direction. Stick with your gut feeling rather than listening to your more logical voice.

6) How do you feel when you’re thinking of someone, and all of a sudden either they call or text you? Or you may accidentally run into that person. This could easily be your intuition at work again, and you sensed this would happen.

Gut feelings ( intuition) vs. Anxiety 

Steve also shared with us the difference between intuition vs. anxiety. 

Gut feelings…usually will lead you more clearly. Gut feelings will usually come up in specific situations or about certain people in your life.

Anxiety…..usually will focus on the future and will be less clear. And you might find yourself worrying about things that you usually can’t control.

Gut feelings…normally will pass once you’ve made that decision and you will feel more calm about it.

Anxiety…..lingers and may make you feel like you’re on constant alert. You may resolve one concern, and then immediately start worrying about something else.

Steve also shared that there are important decisions and times when you really should trust your intuition.

1) when something feels wrong with your body…if you have a gut feeling about your body, that something is off or not quite right, listen to it. Maybe go get a physical exam to be sure. Physical symptoms can also happen when you’re around someone who physically drains your energy. Or maybe you’re in a certain situation that drains your energy. That would be a time not to ignore your intuition. If you stay in a situation that drains your energy, it may end up just causing more anxiety or depression. It may be time to end that relationship. 

2) you feel that you are in danger…remember that your gut instincts will reveal what your subconscious may already know.  If you meet someone new, and you initially don’t trust them, even if it turns out to be wrong, it might be worth listening to your intuition.

3) “ this is it” . When you run across that special someone, or even when making that important decision, like buying a house. If your intuition tells you that you have found someone or something that is right for you, that usually makes the decision pretty easy. This is probably one time where you should really use your “ gut instinct “.

This was a really fascinating topic shared by Steve, giving us so much to think about! 

Our biggest Friendship project event so far will be at Vala’s pumpkin patch on Thursday 10/3!

This event is only for those that signed up at our meetings over the last month.

Here is how it works….(Vala’s changed their proceedure this year and we found out about it Tuesday.

1. Go to Vala’s at 12102 S 180th St, Gretna. You can go anytime after 1:30 and before 7:30. Our campfire event will be 5pm to 9pm but your free ticket is good for all day!
2. Look for Caroline near the entrance from 1:30 to 5:00 and Miriam from 5:00 to 7:30 to pick up your tickets.
3. Feel free to wander. Here is a link to a map. We are at campfire site 26A for our event.
4. To get to campfire site 26A from the front entrance, turn right. This is what you will see.

Go down the hill. The path will curve left.

Head for the American Flag.

At the flag, go strait towards the red roofed building.

Go around the left side of the red roofed building.

Just a bit down the path, site 26A will be ahead of you across the path, once you have cleared the red roof building.

Some of us will be hanging out there during the entire event but what you really need to know is we are breaking out the s’mores at 7:30!

Have fun and see you Wednesday!!!!!

Our most recent DBSA meeting was very memorable, with Don presenting the evening’s topic “ Managing Change “.  After brief introductions were made from around the room, Don went on to dive deep into managing change, and how greatly change does affect our daily lives. Don described our daily experience as living in a “ simmering cauldron of change” . I liked that description!

We all realize that most changes are out of our control, especially when it comes to external changes. For example, with the recent experience we all had with Covid over the last year and a half, our daily schedules had changed dramatically.  We can however control how we react to change.

Don recommend that we flip the script, on how we handle change. He mentioned we should re-focus, reflect, and also focus on our self-care. Don suggested that when change happens, it’s time to set some boundaries, and control your reactions and learn to accept change all around us. It’s important to realize not every change affects you, and to work the problems that are important to you. 

Don advised in regards to change #1) think it over before reacting #2) acknowledge feelings #3) take a breath #4) take actions when you can and #5) let it go